Digital Republic

13/09/2025

TINUBU vs TRUMP: a disappointing Tyler and Kirk narrative.

TINUBU:
Donald, my friend, I hear your boy Charlie got taken out by one of your own. Not a Muslim, not Black, not even a Democrat. What happened to your usual suspects?

TRUMP:
Bola, it’s a disaster. Total disaster. We had the narrative ready—Antifa, radical left, maybe even a Soros-funded alien. But this kid? Quiet, white, Republican family. It’s like he skipped the memo.

TINUBU:
In Nigeria, we call that “wahala.” You were ready to tweet “Islamic terror” and “BLM thugs,” but now you’re stuck with a Utah jazz-loving introvert. Even Elon’s gone quiet. That’s suspicious.

TRUMP:
Elon’s recalibrating. He’s probably tweeting about Mars now. But listen, we’ll spin it. Maybe the shooter was radicalized by Nigerian jollof rice memes. You guys are too spicy.

TINUBU:
Don’t drag jollof into this, Donald. That rice has done more for peace than your entire Twitter feed. But I must say, your country’s political violence is starting to look like Nollywood drama—except with more guns and fewer wedding scenes.

TRUMP:
At least we have better production value. And hey, I’m attending Charlie’s funeral. I’ll make it the most watched funeral in history. Tremendous ratings.

TINUBU:
Just don’t campaign at the graveside. Nigerians might be chaotic, but we still respect the dead. You Americans? You turn everything into a reality show.

13/09/2025

The shooter of Charlie Kirk is a 22-year-old rich kid who lives in a $600k apartment.

- He is a Christian not a Muslim

- He is white not Black

- He is a Republican not a Democrat

They have suspected the Muslim, Black people, and accused Democrats.

Everything they wanted him to be failed.

Now the agenda can't fly and the news will easily go away.

And Elon Musk and his fellow white supremacists will make fewer tweets because it doesn't fit the right demography to blame and hate.

13/09/2025

Perfect house for a guy.
A woman would enter and begin to bug the room with unnecessary stuff.

13/09/2025

More than 10,000 TikTok users are currently pleading with U.S. authorities to release 22-year-old Tyler Robinson, who has been identified as the prime suspect in the fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk. The incident reportedly occurred after citizens learned that Tyler had a perfect 4.0 GPA and had earned a scholarship to the University of Utah

Many online are calling the act a tragic misstep, arguing that Tyler’s promising future shouldn’t be destroyed over what they describe as a momentary lapse in judgment

Supporters also point out that Tyler comes from a wealthy, conservative family, suggesting he had no ideological motive to target Kirk, who was himself a prominent right-wing figure.

In a twist of irony, Charlie Kirk had previously advocated for leniency toward the police officer involved in George Floyd’s death. Now, some are echoing that same sentiment—calling for compassion and clemency for Tyler.

12/09/2025

LAW ENFORCEMENT; Nigeria vs US

Operation Arrest-o-Meter: Trump vs. Tinubu

TRUMP (adjusting his red tie):
In America, we arrest suspects faster than you can say “fake news.” One guy tweeted “I might do crime”—boom, FBI at his door with a selfie stick.

TINUBU (grinning):
Ah, Donald. In Nigeria, we don’t wait for tweets. If your shadow looks suspicious, EFCC will interrogate it. We once arrested a goat for loitering near a politician’s convoy.

TRUMP:
A goat? That’s bold. We only arrest animals if they’re registered Democrats.

TINUBU:
Well, our goats don’t vote—but they do overhear budget secrets. Intelligence assets, really.

TRUMP (smirking):
We use satellites, drones, and AI. What do you use?

TINUBU:
We use Mama Nkechi from the market. She saw you buy two loaves instead of one—clearly money laundering. Arrested before you reach the bus stop.

TRUMP:
Sounds like you’ve weaponized gossip. I respect that. In the U.S., we call that “CNN”

TINUBU:
In Nigeria, we call it “Aunty knows best.” She’s faster than Interpol and more accurate than Google Maps.

[A siren goes off. A flashing light reads: “BREAKING: Suspect arrested for suspicious dancing near government building.”]

TRUMP:
Suspicious dancing? That’s next-level. We only arrest people for suspicious TikToks.

TINUBU:
We don’t play. If your dance move looks like embezzlement, you’re going straight to Kirikiri.

TRUMP:
I need to borrow your EFCC. Maybe they can help me arrest inflation.

TINUBU:
Only if inflation has a BVN and a cousin in politics.

[They both laugh. Tinubu sips water. Trump sips Diet Coke. The scoreboard updates: Tinubu – 8.]

TRUMP:
You win today, Bola. But tomorrow, I’m tweeting “Arrest inflation.” Let’s see what happens.

TINUBU:
Just make sure inflation doesn’t have diplomatic immunity.

12/09/2025

12/09/2025

FBI vs Naija: A Presidential Banter in Three Acts

Act I: The Breaking News Briefing

Scene opens at A*o Rock. Tinubu is sipping tea. Obi walks in with a newspaper.

OBI:
Asiwaju, have you seen this? The FBI already has a suspect in the Charlie Kirk case. Less than 24 hours!

TINUBU (chuckling):
Ah, Peter. That’s what happens when your police wear suits and carry laptops—not rubber slippers and biro.

OBI:
In Nigeria, we’d still be debating whether it was a political assassination or a thunderstorm that missed its way.

TINUBU:
Or blaming it on “unknown gunmen.” Our national scapegoat.

Act II: The Committee of Delay

Scene shifts to a fictional Nigerian investigative panel. Everyone is asleep except one man writing “Terms of Reference.”

OBI:
You know, in Anambra, we once caught a suspect in two days.

TINUBU:
Yes, and by day three, he had “escaped” during NEPA blackout. Classic.

OBI:
At least we don’t need 12 committees to decide whether to form a task force.

TINUBU:
Peter, in Nigeria, we don’t rush justice. We marinate it. Like suya.

Act III: The International Comparison

Scene: A televised debate. Tinubu and Obi are seated, audience watching.

Moderator:
Gentlemen, what lessons can Nigeria learn from the FBI?

TINUBU:
Lesson one: Don’t wait for suspects to trend on Twitter before acting.

OBI:
Lesson two: Don’t appoint your cousin as head of the investigation.

TINUBU:
And lesson three: If the CCTV works, don’t say it was “spiritually tampered.”

OBI:
Or that the footage was “eaten by rats.” We’ve had enough rodent excuses.

TINUBU:
Peter, maybe we should send our EFCC boys to FBI bootcamp.

OBI:
Only if they promise not to arrest the FBI agents for “Yahoo Yahoo.”

Final Scene:

Tinubu and Obi walk off stage, still bantering.

TINUBU:
You know, Peter, if we had FBI speed, half of our politicians would be in jail.

OBI:
Including the ones sipping tea right now.

TINUBU (smiling):
Careful, Peter. Tea can be hot.

12/09/2025

Now you know.
His name is Raja.
The Nigerian police will tell you to roja.
Now you know why he's on their logo.
They both block roads and steal from people.

12/09/2025

Scene: Presidential Lounge, Abuja. A smoky haze hangs in the air. Wike’s glass clinks. Obi’s eyebrows are already halfway to heaven.

TINUBU (puffing slowly):
You people keep disturbing me about this smoking. I’ve survived elections, tribunals, and Twitter trolls. You think one cigar will finish me?

WIKE(raising his glass):
My brother, leave them! If cigar gives you wisdom, then this whiskey gives me strategy. I drink, I win elections. Simple.

OBI (frowning):
This is why Nigeria is where it is. One man is smoking like he’s in Havana, the other is drinking like he’s at a Port Harcourt wedding. Meanwhile, I’m here calculating how many schools we could build with your cigar and alcohol budget.

TINUBU (grinning):
Obi, relax. Even calculators need smoke breaks.

WIKE (laughing):
And some arithmetic needs alcohol to make sense! Obi, you too serious. Come, take one sip. Just one.

OBI (deadpan):
I sip data. I inhale policy. I don’t do ethanol diplomacy.

TINUBU (chuckling):
That’s why you lost, my friend. Nigeria runs on vibes, not spreadsheets.

WIKE (to Tinubu):
Oga Presido, pass me lighter. Let’s toast to bad habits and good power.

OBI (sighing):
One day, the youth will replace all of us—with sober minds and clean lungs.

TINUBU (exhaling smoke):
Until then, let me enjoy my presidency... one puff at a time.

22/10/2024

Cancer cells die in 42 days

This amazing Austrian drink has cured more than 45 thousand people. You will also forget about other dangerous diseases, such as diabetes, pneumonia, heart attack prevention, all sand and stones from the kidneys, as well as all salts and toxins from your body will be removed.

For a complete cure, he recommended drinking only teas and juices prepared according to his recipe for 42 days.

To prepare the juice you need
- 300 grams of red beets
- 100 grams of carrots
- 100 grams of celery root
- 70 grams of fresh potato juice
- 30 grams of radish

Notes:
Κ potatoes are optional, with the exception of liver cancer, where potatoes play an important role.

Method of preparation:
Using a juicer, squeeze the juice from all the above products. Store in a sealed glass container in the refrigerator. Drink the juice throughout the day in 1-2 sips. Instead of water, use teas made from medicinal herbs: sage, nettle, horsetail.