18/03/2026
Something Changed When I Turned Fifty
And I’m starting to realise that it may not be a crisis at all.
I have always heard disparaging comments about men in midlife going through a stage known as ‘midlife crisis’. Usually this is heralded by the addition of a much younger woman appearing on his arm and a shiny sportscar that he can barely climb in and out of.
Yet when it comes to women, you generally only hear about empty nest syndrome or menopause, hardly as exciting.
Then, I turned fifty.
Now ageing is not something that has ever scared me and I thought that I was doing it quite well. I don’t look fifty (according to everyone around me) and I am looking forward to my last-born finishing school in eighteen months, I am proud of the children that I have raised. So why do I feel so unsettled?
It didn’t happen overnight, it crept in slowly, stealthily, like a thief in the night, with what felt like nothing but bad intentions. It started as a hint of ‘dis ease’, a dull feeling that planted itself and then grew voraciously like a w**d taking hold.
I am not sure that I can even adequately describe it as it is unlike any feeling that I have ever experienced before. Perhaps dissatisfaction is the best way. But why? I have a good relationship with my long-term partner, I have been in the same career for twelve years and have always enjoyed it, I have two wonderful boys. Suddenly, I am questioning everything.
Perhaps it is the realisation that as a woman who was privileged enough to be a mother, our identity has always been attached to someone else. Women have so many roles in their lives, a daughter, a mother, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a niece. But men have those roles too I hear you say.
There are of course exceptions to every rule, but in general, men are defined by the job they do and the position that they hold. Go to any social event and men are asked what they do for a living as a way for the ‘askee’ to determine who they are and their worth. While women are asked if they have kids first and sometimes a second question follows ‘do you work?’
This made me ponder.
Society expects women to be mothers and to be good ones too. The judgement that ensues for
