26/06/2025
CRAVING THE MONSTER
The Evolutionary Roots of Women’s Fantasies
It was one of those evenings when Nairobi’s skyline simmered under the weight of evening clouds, and a soft drizzle painted the bar windows with streaks of silver. Inside, the scent of expensive perfume mingled with the sweet-bitter aroma of aged whisky and cigar smoke. Laughter echoed off polished glassware and soft jazz coiled through the air like a silk ribbon.
In the middle of that room, perched on a high bar stool under golden pendant lights, sat a woman whose presence commanded the gaze of every patron. She was draped in a snug designer dress, barely there but boldly intentional. Her skin was the color of burnished bronze, glistening with body shimmer, her hair arranged in an intricate coiffure that spelled time, wealth, and meticulous vanity. Her eyes were lined with kohl and calculation, and as she crossed her legs with the precision of a stage performer, the camera caught the shimmer of her heels, designer, no doubt.
She began to speak, her voice coated in honey but sharpened by confidence. In a room filled mostly with women, she leaned in slightly and confessed, without flinching, her deepest craving: she desired to be degraded, devoured, dominated by a man whose very touch spoke of unfiltered power, and then, paradoxically, she wanted the same man to treat her like a queen.
Her words, both shocking and oddly familiar, sliced through the polite air like broken glass.
And the backlash came fast.
Figures like Andrew Kibe, never one to shy away from verbal demolition, tore into her. He called her delusional. Accused her of inhaling too much “chick crack.” Called it a glorification of psychopathy. A fantasy stitched together from trauma and television.
The storm brewed online. She was lambasted, psychoanalyzed, ridiculed. Eventually, overwhelmed by the digital inquisition, she requested the video be taken down. It was scrubbed from the web, but not from memory. The mask had slipped, and we had glimpsed something raw. Something real. Something primal. Beneath the layers of foundation and synthetic weaves, the truth of female nature momentarily stood naked.
In UNPLUGGED 3, I wrote of this paradox. Of how modern women are drawn—almost involuntarily—to men who possess what psychology defines as the Dark Triad: Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy (Paulhus & Williams, 2002). These are the men who remain emotionally unavailable, selfish, detached, sometimes even cruel. These are the men whose absence stings more than the presence of a devoted, caring husband. These are the men smashing women on cold, tiled surfaces, using nothing but saliva as lubricant, while the “good guys” back home heat food and wait patiently.
Women love them.
Why?
Because beneath the labels and diagnostics lies something older than civilization: Hybristophilia—the love of criminals. The War Bride dynamic—where women bond with conquerors. Stockholm Syndrome—called a trauma response in DSM-V, but perhaps better understood as a feature of female adaptive behavior rather than a flaw. These instincts are not new. They are biological holdovers from a time when survival required surrendering to power.
Women crave alpha seed and beta provision, often from two different men. The alpha ignites her body. The beta raises her children.
As I wrote in UNPLUGGED 1, the female hormonal cycle supports this: During the follicular phase, when estrogen peaks and ovulation nears, women are drawn to dominant, aggressive males—the alpha. During the luteal phase, when progesterone rises, they seek safety, nurturing, reliability—the beta (Gangestad & Thornhill, 2008). It’s biology, not betrayal.
But most men cannot be both.
This is the heart of the paradox. Women want the beast and the butler. The punisher and the provider. The man who can pin her against a wall and the one who holds her hand through childbirth.
And so, society stumbles. Marriages falter. And men are told: Be kind. Be nice. Be soft. Be safe. While women fall for the very men they claim to fear. While books like 50 Shades of Grey sell hundreds of millions of copies. While movies like Beauty and the Beast make billions.
Why? Because they mirror the paradox. The monster who becomes the prince. The tyrant who is tender just for her.
Women will deny it. They’ll call it pathology. They’ll say: “Only broken women like criminals.” Yet, bad boys still finish first. And nice guys still finish last.
This paradox, this oxymoronic craving for an angel and a devil wrapped in one man, is not a bug. It’s a feature. One that Hollywood sells, romance novels exploit, and evolutionary psychology explains.
And unless you understand it, you’ll keep playing a role that leaves you invisible—providing while she dreams of someone else.
Don’t be the man society tells you to be. Be the man she desires—but on your terms. Understand that female desire is layered, paradoxical, and ancient. Don’t bend yourself into beta submission, nor drown in alpha nihilism. Master both. Develop strength, assertiveness, leadership, then pair it with self-control, clarity, and purpose.
Women want the beast and the crown.
Be both. But find a balance.
Get UNPLUGGED.
