03/05/2024
This morning I woke up and listened to another video on Narcissism.
It is exactly how and what my husband did.
And to add, how do you explain to people in your circle the pain you are experiencing?
When he 'found out' that his Mom and I were talking about things in general, mord often than he thought, he cut me off. Told me I'm never to talk to his mom again. It's his mum and I should go through him.
In my view, causing pain and harm to a 90 year old lady, a mom, and the friendly connection I had.
I invited her often, so I am not subjected to his abuse. Surely it can't happen in front of her. So she in a way, was my protection.
But he managed to still manipulate the situation.
Here's how... I get a phone call from my sister...my mum was very sick...and I walk outside to talk to her. While outside on the phone, he tells his mum it's another man.
He also tells his mum he is closing the door because it was cold.
In the process, locking me out. I could not get back into the house.
When he eventually opens the door, he sounds innocent, by saying out loud...do I not know how to open a door.
When I said, you locked it, his mum said..he would never do that.
The door was locked. It was a sliding door...
A few incidents happened...another one was one day, when he brought his mum home, told her that she has to walk down the stairs, because I won't allow him to use the side entrance. She is 90!
I was at home, unaware of the false and manipulated made-up story he cooked up, to put me in a bad light. And, I would never dream of doing what he did. I was shocked at how he could do that to his mum, but in the mean time, it was to trash me. Which I only realized later.
Trying to get control over me, so that I would tread carefully. Setting me up to be the bad person, partner.
His mom loved me. She always told me that she feels at home with her son for the first time in her life. He was married before.
He had to turn his mum against me, by physically trying to show her, what a 'bad' person I am.
And I innocently stood by...and could not understand what was going on.
I arranged for new glasses for her...she thanked me deeply for giving her the pleasure of now being able to see her tv programmes...and told every one about it.
At home, I was screamed at about how much money I wasted!! I got so scared of this man. He had so much up his sleeve to hurt me.
I just tried to be kind by giving mum a little pleasure in her last years on earth.
And then the next month, he arranges a medical Aid for her...to show his mum what a good son he is and to make sure she told every one about his good deed. I always wondered, why he did not do that years before?
I now know what his modus operandi was.
I now know what was going on.
Now tgat I understand the word narcissist.
Though some people would call it a psychopathic narcissist trait...I assume because he endangered my life in the process.
I can't remember how many times I said, 'love' is not what was driving him. He had intent.
And that was to cause damage and pain
Because when you love a person, you are kind and caring. You don't think up ways to destruct a relationship.
Not just his mother, but my 2 and 4 year old grand children also got lashings from him.
It is sickening and painful to experience pain exerted on people I loved, too. And now I understand it was to manipulate and control me...he was 'at home' with that behaviour.
I was shocked every time! I did not expect it from him. I would never do that to others...
So, now, how do you explain this very refined manipulation to a legal person, who wants facts?
How do you talk about it, without pain?
