12/10/2018
Written by one of our members:
I don’t usually post on social media because I’m a man of few words but I feel like I need to address something. Social media shows a highlight reel of a person’s life but ignores what really goes on behind the scenes.
It’s been difficult for me to put to words what I’m about to say because I’m ashamed. I’m not at peace and I have never been at peace since you’ve known me. My depression has controlled my life for as long as I can remember and lately it’s been consuming me more than ever. I’ve lost and damaged relationships because of it, I find it hard to create and maintain meaningful relationships because of it, I’ve had a failed su***de attempt because of it and I grow increasingly paranoid of everything/everyone around me because of it.
I’m sorry for being distant to all those who care and did care, I don’t do it because I hate you, I do it because I hate myself. The harsh reality is mental illness is a real illness and like other illnesses, it’s contagious. Nobody wants to be around you and your depressing energy because everyone wants to be happy. At the end of the day, depression is not the norm and people stray away from what is normal. People will pretend they care but pity you, laugh and make jokes at your expense behind your back.
Depression isolates people and our pride gets to us and doesn’t allow us to reach out to others because we feel like a burden or that people in our lives secretly despise us. There are people around you that are depressed, don’t wait until it’s too late and it becomes a situation where you are powerless, it’s out of your control and nothing you do could ever bring them back. Once they are gone, they are gone and no amount of remorse will ever let you see them, talk with them or hold them in your arms again.
To those that deny depression is real or insist that there’s nothing to be depressed about because of how well one’s life may look from the exterior, if the rich and famous who have everything in life are committing su***de because of depression, why would we be immune to it? Depression doesn’t discriminate and life’s answers don’t always solve depression’s questions. If you believe someone should not be depressed because someone else in the world has it worse than by that logic, this also means you shouldn’t be happy because someone else in the world has it better. Emotions are not a competition.
To those that knows someone with depression: it takes more than asking if someone is ok or telling them they can talk to you about it. You may have good intentions but you’re asking someone to open up and confront a deep insecurity about themselves. Most people don’t like talking about it because it makes them feel alienated, abnormal, exposed and weak. Assuming that they do tell you their problems, what else could you really say apart from ”it’s going to be alright” or “cheer up” or some other variation? We’ve heard it all before and trust me, we all wish it was as simple as that. Nobody consciously decides to have depression, just like nobody would consciously decide to have any other sickness. One of the best things you can do is spend time with them, be in their presence but don’t force them to talk about it if they don’t want. Just do something, they might say no but the effort alone could make a world of difference just to know you thought of them.
To those with depression: life may not be beautiful but there’s objective beauty in life. Whether it’s something as little as eating your favourite food, listening to a good song or watching a beautiful sunset. Find and enjoy the things that make you happy in life, even if it’s small or temporary and begin your journey to self love from there. Just keep living. You all still have a flame within you. You may not realise but it’s human nature. As long as you’re alive, there’s always going to be a small part of you that feels like you need to save the world. But life is short, it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you.
Much love,
Bren Don
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