05/07/2023
I lost my spark for a little while there.
Why? Because sometimes that’s life, but most of all; I haven’t been aligned with my values and desires in life of late.
Things have felt ‘off’ or not quite right in my gut.
I have been happy enough but not like how I know I should be.
And that uncomfortable feeling has slowly been eating away at me.
I came to realise that; I’ve let myself ignore my internal compass, been dishonest with myself and given into fear.
Fear of making the wrong choice.
Fear of what other people will think.
Fear of doing what society deems as the best thing.
Fear of wasting time.
And in the process ignored what I actually wanted and needed.
I’ve definitely had many moments of guilt and shame for not feeling happy, because of all of the abundance I do have, but yet not feeling abundant. Instead focusing on the gap between where I am not yet or what I do not yet have.
And honestly, shame around seeming like a failure or like I am not progressing. I feel like everyone sees and thinks of me as someone who ‘has it together’ and is a successful businesswoman. But that’s how I am so used to seeing myself, that really; I am scared of my own judgements.
I forget sometimes that I am human; I make mistakes, I let fear control me at times, I have limping beliefs and I am allowed to not have it all together.
Call it a quarter-life crisis or maybe that thing called your 20’s.
I’ve often thought;
‘Who am I?’
‘Wtf is my 20’s?’
‘What am I doing?’
‘What is my purpose?’
‘What do I want?’
And not been clear on an answer to any of those questions… which has been exhausting.
But, I do really feel myself coming out the other side.
Moving forward I am basing everything off these two things;
- Does it make me happy?
&
- And does it align with my value?
If those two things aren’t a yes or are no longer a yes, then it’s a no.
I do feel very much lit up and excited about my life, my business and the things I am doing because I am being more true to myself.
I want this to be a sign that if you’re not being true to yourself because of fear, conditioning, other people, whatever. You’ve got one shot at this life, so live it in your terms.