09/11/2025
The Bendigo courtroom saw more drama this week than a Facebook comments section about Jacinta Allan’s machete bins!
And the headline act? Local character Claude Critchley, storming in with more energy than a young lass at The Deck after one too many nose beers.
Before the Wednesday hearing even started, cheeky Claude was already up and about – waving his arms, muttering, swearing, and claiming the cops and half the city were out to get him.
“Good morning, Claude,” said the magistrate calmly, probably wishing he’d brought popcorn.
But Claude wasn’t having a bar of it, instead asking the magistrate a question about the court listings. “You can’t answer it or won’t answer it?” he yelled.
“Can’t,” came the reply. “Can’t or won’t, mate?” Claude pressed – the bloke could run a TAFE course on backchat!
His lawyer quietly told the court that his matters were resolved and a hearing under the Assessment and Referral Court (the one that looks at why people keep re-offending) was being sought.
But Claude wasn’t ready to park it just yet. “Why do you think I keep re-offending?” he demanded everyone to know. “It’s not because I want to – it’s because I can’t help it!”
The magistrate tried again: “Thanks, Claude, take a seat.” But old mate launched into another round of “no, no, no, no!” and dropped a few f-bombs for good measure.
“I don’t care if this whole f***en city don’t like me!” he shouted. “I am who I am! Claude is who he is and can’t help what he does!”
Then came the encore – calling police “idiots” and saying they’d been trying to get him “on something” for years. “Because not one of them like me, mate!”
By that point, the courtroom had seen it all: shouting, pacing, gesturing, swearing – the full Claude experience. Eventually, his case – breaches of personal safety orders – got adjourned to next month.
And just like that, Claude strutted out exactly how he came in – loud, defiant, and absolutely certain the world’s out to get him.