24/05/2025
Right, buckle up for this one – it's got all the ingredients: a dodgy bloke, a traumatised teen, stolen snacks, and a courtroom circus that'd make Judge Judy scream into a pillow.
So here's the deal – a Bendigo man in his mid-40s allegedly busted into a room at Barclay On View Motel – just across from the Queen Elizabeth Oval – where a teenage girl was staying alone.
Not to nick a telly or swipe a wad of cash. Nope, old mate apparently ransacked the pantry like a pissed-off raccoon, before passing out mid-crime surrounded by Arnott’s Shapes and Ferrero Rochers.
The poor lass initially thought it was just the cat thudding around – turns out it was some random bloke clambering through the window for a late-night snack.
Yeah, she finds her kitchen turned upside down and a grown-ass man asleep in the next room like he’s auditioning for MasterChef: Breaking & Entering Edition.
Cops rock up, and sure enough – there he is, lying there surrounded by savoury bickies and chocolate ball wrappers like some half-baked Easter Bunny.
And what does he tell the cops? “I was cold and hungry.” Mate. So is half of Victoria, but they’re not crawling through motel windows like bloody goblins.
Turns out this wasn’t even his first rodeo – the week before, he allegedly waltzed into a local clinic, pinched a staffer’s handbag, and put up a full WWE fight when they tried to stop him. A real gentleman.
Now, while the prosecution was screaming “this guy’s out of control!”, the defence tried the ol’ “aww, he’s just misunderstood” routine – reckons this wasn’t a real burglary, because he didn’t steal valuables.
Right. Just traumatised a teenager and face-planted on motel carpet mid-biscuit binge.
Anyway, despite the “concerning” escalation in his behaviour, the magistrate still granted him bail – with conditions. He’s got to report daily to the cops and start engaging with support services.
Because nothing says “I’m ready to change” like a fella caught red-handed with cheese Shapes in one hand, and luxury chocolates in his pockets.
