20/10/2025
Trump Praises Albo. $8.5B Deal Signed.
Somewhere deep in a Telegram cooker group chat, a bloke just threw his phone into a deep fryer.
Because in the cooker cinematic universe, this meeting was supposed to be the great reckoning... Trump was going to “give Albo a dressing down,” expose the WEF, and liberate Australia from its “globalist overlords.”
Instead, Trump smiled, called Albanese “a friend,” “highly respected,” and “very popular,” before announcing an $8.5 billion rare earths and critical minerals deal.
Cue collective meltdown.
Here’s what we actually know... the deal creates a new pipeline of joint projects between Australia, the US, and Japan to process, refine, and add value here instead of just digging stuff up and shipping it out.
Or as Albo put it: “It isn’t just about digging things up.”
And that’s the bit that matters.
For decades, we’ve played the role of the quarry... exporting the raw stuff so someone else can profit from the finished product. Moving up the value chain means actual jobs and manufacturing. The devil will be in the details, but the direction is right.
Meanwhile, over on the cooker forums, it’s chaos.
People genuinely believed one of their mates had “Trump’s ear” and would make sure Albo got told off. Now they’re watching Trump grin, shake hands, and talk about “a trusted partnership between Australia and the United States.”
Welcome to Albanese Derangement Syndrome... where any time Albo breathes, a Rumble video is shared which declares martial law.
And the best part is that Trump literally just helped him deliver one of Labor’s biggest industrial and economic wins of the decade.
Sky News is already polishing its coping monologue.
Cookers are trying to edit this scene out of their fanfic timeline.
And Australia quietly edges a little closer to being more than the world’s dirt pit.