Sutherland Shire Bulletin

03/12/2021

BREAKING:

The NSW Premier has today reaffirmed Sydneys desire to steal the F1 GP from the Mexicans.

A Monaco style street circuit through The Rocks, under the iconic Bridge, and around the shores of the famous Harbour have long been touted as the perfect spot to host a Formula 1 Grand Prix in Sydney.

However, a new location has emerged as the favoured area to host the event, should Sydney gain the rights to run the Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix.

The sunny southern suburb of Menai.

Speaking exclusively to the Sutherland Shire Bulletin, NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet said Menai had all the hallmarks of a town poised to host an internationally significant event.

"It's got it all" he said. "Except a train line. But people can just catch the bus from Padstow or Sutho".

Asked what else would attract fans to the area, Mr Perrottet couldn't contain his excitement.

"Firstly, the Bangor Bypass and Wonny Bridge would make a perfect track, since people speed across them already" he said. The Premier was seemingly oblivious to the fact this short trip can often take 30 minutes due to The Shires horrendous traffic.

"It's also got the nightlife, culture, and gastronomic delights that all good international locations have" he noted. "There's Bangor Tavern, a skate bowl, and a new charcoal chicken shop, apparently. Plus there's Parc Menai, spelled with a 'c' instead of a 'k', just like Europe!".

It's understood teams would also be required to pay astronomically exorbitant prices for fuel using the local servos, with tyres being sourced from the storage facility at Illawong Village shops.

01/12/2021

A Caringbah man has today proven he is smart enough to use Facebook, but incapable of operating Google search or a telephone.

Marc Savic, 36, took to the Everything Sutherland Shire community page today to ask what time a local bottle shop was closing.

"Does anyone know what time Dan Murphy's shuts?" posted the useless bastard.

This journalist notes that Marc could have easily sourced this information himself had he just typed the same sentence into Google. Or even gone old-school and picked up the phone and call the shop himself.

Good Samaritan and stay-at-home-mum Ashley Davies, 34, of Miranda, took it upon herself to provide guidance to Marc.

"Yes it closes at 9pm :)" posted Ashley.

"I really feel a sense of accomplishment helping the local community" said Ashley when asked by The Bulletin why she helped such a lazy prick.

30/11/2021

30/11/2021

30/11/2021

BREAKING:

A local Shire Saint, who never did anything adventurous or exciting as a child, has today condemned those responsible for setting off fireworks on an evening other than NYE.

Taking to a community Facebook group to vent her frustration, Karen Karenson of Barden Ridge said the illegal fireworks are easily the worst thing to happen to this community in the 20 years she has lived here.

"This is just unacceptable, appalling behaviour" she said.

The Menai/Alford Point/Illawong/Barden Ridge area has seen fireworks let off on a handful of nights over the past few weeks.

When asked how many hours the display went for, Mrs Karenson said it was actually only a few short minutes. "About two to three minutes, max" she said.

It's believed the fireworks have been set off by teenagers on school holidays, possibly letting off some steam during the first available time off since the states lock-downs have ended.