27/09/2026
Let me introduce you to Sir Sizzle-a-Lot.
G’day.
Born sometime in the 1980s. Possibly earlier. Nobody really knows. My paperwork was lost around the same time as the Video Ezy membership card.
I’m a four-burner BBQ, although at my age we’re using the term burner pretty loosely.
Back in my prime, I was the centrepiece of the Australian backyard.
Hills Hoist behind me. Esky underneath me. Aeroguard on the table. Triple M playing somewhere in the distance and some bloke named Dazza standing in front of me wearing thongs and clicking the tongs twice to make sure they still worked.
I’ve cooked thousands of sausages, steaks tougher than a Dunlop Volley and enough onions to make Bunnings nervous.
There’s a rissole that fell through my grill sometime around 1997.
We don’t talk about him.
Yes, I’ve got some surface rust. That’s not rust.
That’s Australian heritage.
Every brown patch represents a memory. Or tetanus. Could genuinely go either way.
All four k***s are still present, which is frankly remarkable because most things from my generation have lost at least one.
I’ve got wheels too. Would I recommend using them?
Absolutely not.
One pebble and I’ll fold like a camping chair at Christmas.
And look at that, I even come with my original gas bottle.
Is there gas in it? Maybe. Is it still within date?
Mate, I’m barely within date.
You turn my k**b, hit the ignition 46 times, crouch down suspiciously close to the gas bottle and whisper:
“Come on ya bastard…”
Then WHOOOF. Eyebrows GOOOOONE!
I was built during the golden age of the Australian backyard, when Dad cooked the meat, Mum brought out the salad nobody touched and every child was given a Sunnyboy and told to p**s off outside until dinner.
God I love the free section on Marketplace!
Because you don’t buy Australian history.
You simply collect it from someone’s driveway and pray to Christ it fits in the Commodore.
Stay Unhinged, Legends ✌🏼
