Snarky Gherkin

31/07/2025

Dear Elon,

You can call it X. You can wrap it in libertarian cosplay and tech bro buzzwords.
But at the end of the day... it’s still your platform that refused to cooperate with a government investigation into child s*xual exploitation material.

And now the Full Federal Court of Australia has dismissed your appeal.
$615,000 fine stands.
You’ve been ordered to pay costs.
You lost. In spectacular legal fashion.

What were you even trying to argue?
That reporting on how you’re combatting child abuse violates “free speech”?
That international billionaire vibes override Australian law?
That the eSafety Commissioner should be swayed by your memes and Dogecoin fanboys?

Because let me be clear.... this wasn’t about censorship.
It was about protecting children from being exploited and trafficked across your platform.
You failed to comply. You got called out. And now the court has responded:
Loud. Clear. Final.

And to the cookers, conspiracists, and “free speech warriors” who spent years screaming “save the children” while sharing fake adrenochrome stories on Telegram:
Where are your posts now?
Where’s the outrage that your “free speech” messiah fought tooth and nail against transparency and accountability over child exploitation?

Go ahead.
I’ll wait while you demand that X releases its full plan to combat CSAM.
Or is that not part of the script?

This ruling is a victory for safety, for sanity, and for those who still believe the internet should be a place where predators are stopped, not protected.

The cult always told us to “follow the money.”
Well... today it led straight to a court order and a six-figure fine.

Cheers.

31/07/2025

Dandelion root... nature’s humble yellow w**d and apparently Big Pharma’s greatest threat.

According to Cookers, it kills 98% of cancer cells within 48 hours. Which is fascinating, because oncologists must just be too distracted by trying to save lives to notice this miracle sprouting on every suburban nature strip.

Let’s break it down:

There was a lab experiment in petri dishes, using highly concentrated dandelion extract on leukemia cells. Some of them died.
You know what else kills cancer in a petri dish? Bleach. Fire. Probably Heinz tomato sauce.

That’s right... your average Bunnings sausage sizzle condiment probably has a higher body count in vitro than dandelion tea.

The leap from petri dish to human cure is like saying WD-40 is a treatment for arthritis because it loosens rusty joints.

No clinical trials. No proven dosage. No evidence it kills 98% of anything in a human body... unless that body is a cartoon drawn and reposted by Sharon who sells detox tea and 'light language' readings.

Now, does dandelion root have mild anti-inflammatory properties and make a decent tea? Sure.

Does it cure cancer in 48 hours? No.
Will the people who believe this actually try it instead of treatment? Tragically, yes.

So please... before Cookers start blending their lawn clippings into a life-saving smoothie, please do some real research.

31/07/2025

"Play it again, Sam... but this time with fewer Telegram links."

Courtesy of Daniel Ninio.

30/07/2025

A tragic story out of the UK... with a clear warning for all of us.

Paloma Shemirani was 23 when she died from an untreated tumour.

She had non-Hodgkin lymphoma... a highly treatable cancer with a 5-year survival rate of over 75% with modern therapy.

But Paloma didn’t get that chance.
She refused chemotherapy, insisting her diagnosis was fake.
She believed it was all a hoax... an “absurd fantasy” cooked up by the NHS.
She turned instead to coffee enemas and dietary protocols promoted by Gerson therapy.

And now she’s dead.
At twenty-three.

This wasn’t just a personal choice.
It was the final stop on a conveyor belt of cooker propaganda... fuelled by a toxic alliance that is the anti-vax network:

🔻 Anti-vaxxers

🔻 Alternative health grifters

🔻 Conspiracy influencers

🔻 "Wellness" celebrities

🔻 Sovereign citizen paranoiacs

🔻 Telegram witches with affiliate codes
All cross-promoting each other, all pointing their followers away from medicine and into the grave... together.

This network told her:

👉 Chemo is poison.
👉 The NHS is a N**i death machine.
👉 Cancer isn’t real if you eat clean.
👉 “They” are trying to silence you
👉 Only they *only they* have the truth.

And what do they sell alongside that truth?
Herbal bundles. Retreat tickets. EMF blockers. Tallow. Mugs.

This isn’t medicine.
It’s monetised madness.

Paloma should be alive. Her death is not an anomaly... it’s a case study in how conspiracies kill.
And every cooker influencer who pushed the “natural is best” narrative, who likened hospitals to Auschwitz, who posted cherry-picked screenshots or linked to snake oil therapies... you all have blood on your hands.

This is what it costs.

Not just logic.
Not just dignity.
Lives. Young lives.

Let this be clear: Every blurry VAERS screenshot. Every misrepresented paper. Every tearful testimonial with no evidence. Every laminated sign tied to a stick. Every monetised “freedom” event.
You’re not warning people.
You’re digging graves.

Paloma isn’t a martyr for medical choice.
She’s a victim of ideological poisoning.

29/07/2025

Compare the Pair: Cooker Edition

Left:
Barbara O'Neill, barefoot messiah of bicarbonate and beetroot, stands in her natural habitat... flanked by two disciples in fresh “FREE BARBARA” merch, presumably printed just after her latest grift tour.

She’s glowing, radiant, positively effervescent with smug folk remedy confidence. One boot forward, shoulders relaxed, smile genuine. She’s not holding a handbag... she’s holding court. If she were any more comfortable, she’d be fermenting in a mason jar.

Right:
Now enter Rocco Varty, chiropractor of the cosmos and certified 5G wave interrupter.

Barbara's expression hasn’t changed much… but her body language has. And it’s saying “I made a mistake".

Let’s break it down:

The handbag: No longer accessory, now clutched tightly against her rib cage like it contains the last handwritten copy of The Mucus Diet Healing Guide.

The left arm: Subtly cocked, elbow ready to jab if Rocco says “parasites are really just interdimensional messengers".

Her torso: Ever so slightly leaning away... Barbara’s core knows this man has big “I make my own lynx” energy.

Her boots: Previously confident, now planted like she’s bracing for a sermon on chemtrails and masculine sovereignty.

Rocco, meanwhile, is thriving. His arm is casually draped over her shoulder in that special blend of “just mates” and “we shared a tent at Woodford Folk Festival once". He’s grinning like he just filed a FOI request on gravity. His other hand? Deep in the pocket of a jacket likely filled with copper scrap and sovereign arrest warrants.

Even the Freedom Financial Solutions banner behind them looks like it wants to disassociate.

29/07/2025

STUDY: COVID Vaccines Lower Heart Attack & Stroke Risk.

• 45 million adults in England.
• Vaccinated = fewer strokes / heart attacks.
• Cookers = suspiciously quiet.

While some bloke in a Telegram chat is still yelling "MYOCARDITIS" into a jar of tallow, actual scientists at the British Heart Foundation just dropped a massive study showing that the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attacks and strokes goes down after COVID vaccination.

Yeah. Down.
Second doses dropped the risk of heart attacks and strokes by up to 27%. Booster shots? Even better.

Meanwhile, the usual suspects who screeched daily about “sudden deaths” have gone dead silent (well, comparatively).

Yes, there were rare vaccine-related side effects... we’ve known that. But compared to what COVID itself does to your cardiovascular system, it’s not even close. Your risk is lower after the jab, full stop.

So next time someone sends you a grainy meme with a blurry headline and a crying eagle, send them the links in the comments.

• Vaccinated? Your heart's safer.
• Cooker credibility? Flatlined.
• Not a peep from the usual grifter crowd.

28/07/2025

The irony pollinates itself. 🐝

28/07/2025

An incredible dinner tonight at Sud... no memes, no cooker hunting… just soaking up the best Melbourne has to offer. Buonissimo! 🍷🇮🇹

(Wh**ey, they said your tab hasn't been paid)

28/07/2025

GEOSCAM - Monica Smit’s $199 Vibe Plug That Defends Against Imaginary Radiation and Possibly Ghost Mould.

This $199 “Geoclense Violet Flame EMF Harmonizer” being flogged by none other than Monica Smit... a woman whose business model is essentially turning paranoia into merchandise.

This beige brick claims to neutralise over 30 types of “noxious energy,” from 5G towers to bad moods, and I swear on my sacred cucumber I’m not making this up.

What’s In It?

Nothing electronic. No circuitry. No signal. No lights. Just a solid resin block infused with something called:

"Orgonium Resonance Technology"
(Now 98% more mystical and still 0% functional)

This “technology” is based on orgone energy, invented by Wilhelm Reich, a discredited 1930s psychoanalyst who:

• Claimed or***ms were the key to life energy

• Built boxes to store cosmic s*x power

• Tried to fight UFOs with a device called a cloudbuster

• Was jailed and had his work incinerated by the FDA

So yes... Monica is selling a plastic plug based on an alien ghost s*x theory.

The Claims Include:

• Neutralising “bioplasmic radiation” (aka: emotional static)

• Cancelling “planetary retrograde energy” (astral horoscope mumbo jumbo)

• Healing energy imprints left by angry staff and old motel guests

• Fixing Wi-Fi, 5G, smart meters, your neighbour’s vibes, and the sewer line

• “Enhancing fruit and veg growth” via the electrical socket

And it doesn’t use power. It just… exists near a socket. Like a houseplant, but with a laminated backstory.

Science? Try a Potato Instead

The Geoclense can’t be measured by EMF detectors or Gauss meters... because it doesn’t emit anything. Their “proof” comes from:

• Muscle twitching (kinesiology)

• “Aura photography”

• And devices like the Lecher Antenna, which looks like a coat hanger for ghosts

Honestly, putting a potato next to your power socket might yield more measurable results. At least the potato exists in the electromagnetic spectrum.

Price? $199 for resin and vibes. Or, spend $0 and:

Close some tabs

Move the Wi-Fi router 2 metres from your bed

Light a candle and yell “be gone, retrograde moon worm!” for similar effect

Final Verdict

The Geoclense isn’t tech. It’s paranoid home décor.

It doesn’t “neutralise EMF.”
It doesn’t “harmonise energy.”
It doesn’t “protect your meridians.”
It just sits there while Monica Smit charges you rent in fear dollars.

If you’re genuinely concerned about your home’s energy, buy a nice lamp, play some ambient jazz, and call your mum.

27/07/2025

Stumbled across this actual newspaper ad for “Blood Detox” and nearly choked on Brazil nut.

For just $79.99 (free postage, all shame), you too can:
✅ Un-microclot your blood
✅ Purge spike proteins
✅ Neutralise mRNA
✅ Deflect “shedding”
✅ Cleanse your vibes from the 5G mothership

Let’s unpack this overpriced jar of soy-scented delusion.

• What’s in the jar?

Nattokinase (NSK‑SD)... an enzyme from fermented soybeans.
In a petri dish, it breaks down fibrin. In your body? There's no evidence whatsoever it does anything to imagined “white clots” or rogue spike proteins. You’re not soup.

Bonus blend of woo-woo:

• Turmeric (not an antidote, lovely in curry)
• Black seed oil (beloved by people who cite dreams as evidence)
• Dandelion root (aka lawn garnish)
• Bromelain (pineapple enzyme... smoothie?)
• Selenium & zinc (get from eggs, Brazil nuts, or actual food)

The Claims... Bold, Baffling, Bogus

• “Breaks down micro & white clots” – these aren’t recognised medical terms.
• “Degrades spike protein & mRNA” – there’s zero evidence in humans, and spike proteins degrade naturally anyway.
• “Protects from shedding” – mRNA vaccines don’t shed. Cookers do.
• “Results in 5–6 hours” – the only thing that works that fast is diarrhoea.
• “No side effects” – except for wallet thinning and critical thinking loss.

The Grift Math

$79.99 for powdered natto and hope.

Or… for $7.99 you could:
– Eat tofu
– Sprinkle turmeric
– Add a Brazil nut
– Google “liver function”

Boom. Detoxed. No snake oil required.

Real Detox? Already Happening.

Your liver and kidneys are elite.
They filter, flush, and clean your blood 24/7. They don’t need reinforcements from a Sunday tabloid ad, a “protocol,” or a tallow-scented influencer named Shaz.

Final Verdict:

Blood Detox is what happens when overpriced pantry ingredients meet a marketing intern with access to a laminator.
It's a small step up from horse paste, sure... but that’s not medicine, that’s nonsense.

So next time you feel the urge to “detox,” just remember:

Eat some fruit/veg and drink some water. Support your local cucumber farmers. Not the disinformation economy.

27/07/2025

I’ve been developing a little theory I call the Contrarian Threshold Inversion Paranoia... or CTIP.

It goes like this: once any piece of information reaches roughly 58% public acceptance, your average cooker hits what I call the Inversion Point. That’s the moment their brain does a backflip and thinks:

“Wait… if this many people believe it, it’s probably part of the agenda.”

It doesn’t matter if the info is rock-solid or just basic logic... once it goes mainstream, the CTIP kicks in.

From there, it’s not reason. It’s not research. It’s pure, twitchy instinctual paranoia, cosplaying as free thought.

27/07/2025

70 down. Another 10 in investigation stage.
This one’s a textbook example of what happens when post-hoc speculation meets a well-placed 'Forest of the Fallen' poster at the local market. A tough health run? Yes. But the vaccine link wasn’t made until months later... after shingles, after a medication reaction, and after encountering anti-vax narratives.

It’s a classic case of retrospective contagion... where genuine suffering is reinterpreted through the lens of someone else's crusade. That’s how manipulation spreads... not by facts, but by hijacking uncertainty and turning it into ideology.

Not every illness needs a villain. And not every villain is Pfizer.

Case #70 – Elise D

💉 Reported Vaccine: Pfizer (3 doses: Jul 2021, Aug 2021, Jan 2022)

📋 Claimed Injuries:
Electric zaps in head, trigeminal neuralgia, shingles, anti-convulsant hypersensitivity syndrome (AHS), inflamed liver, shoulder injury, drug withdrawal symptoms, full-body rash, nerve pain, thigh numbness, weather-sensitive pain, persistent dull ache, Centrelink dependency

⏱️ Timeframe: Minor zaps after each dose; major neurological flare post-booster (Jan 2022)

🔴 Traffic Light Rating: HIGHLY LIKELY FALSE
(A long and winding narrative where the vaccine is blamed for everything—shingles, medication side effects, liver inflammation, even a misaligned bicep after an MRI. Painful? Yes. Proved? Not even remotely.)

🔍 What Happened?

Elise, 34, was a healthy Canberra-based admin worker who experienced mild electrical “zaps” in her head and ears after both Pfizer doses in 2021. She noted them in a personal health diary and reported them through the official ACT vaccine side effect system. They lasted a week each time, then resolved.

In January 2022, after her third Pfizer shot, the zaps returned for two weeks... this time stronger. She didn’t connect anything unusual to the jab until weeks later, when she woke with severe neck pain, sought emergency care, and was diagnosed with nerve impingement in her cervical spine.

Soon after, her symptoms escalated: intense zapping, screaming pain, ER visits, hospitalisation, and a suspected case of trigeminal neuralgia. She was prescribed carbamazepine and Endone. A rash followed. Her mum suspected shingles, which was later confirmed... along with a diagnosis of carbamazepine hypersensitivity syndrome. She was discharged with painkillers, antivirals, and instructions to follow up with her GP.

From there, the story spins outward:

Gabapentin prescribed, never taken.

Naproxen causes rash.

Liver enzymes skyrocket.

Bicep possibly “dislodged” by rude MRI tech.

Left side of body develops permanent dull ache.

A pine needle homeopathic remedy halts the nerve zapping.

Ultimately, Elise resigns from her job and goes on Centrelink.

She now believes it was all caused by the COVID vaccine... and was validated by a Forest of the Fallen display at the Merimbula markets.

🧠 Let’s Break It Down:

1. Trigeminal Neuralgia ≠ Vaccine Injury
TN is commonly caused by compression of the trigeminal nerve or shingles... which Elise developed in hospital. There’s no biological mechanism linking mRNA vaccines to TN directly, and she admits the pain preceded shingles by only a short time.

2. Medication Side Effects Aren’t Evidence of Vaccine Harm
The hypersensitivity reaction was triggered by carbamazepine, not the vaccine. Liver inflammation, full-body rashes, and withdrawal symptoms were consequences of pharmaceutical interventions... not of the jab itself.

3. A House Built on Assumption
She assumes the shoulder was injured by an MRI. She assumes the zaps were from the vaccine, not shingles. She assumes her liver reacted to Pfizer via the carbamazepine chain. No treating doctor linked any of this to the vaccine... only to each other.

4. Homeopathy Saves the Day?
Pine needle essence stopped the zapping, she claims. While we’re glad she found something that helped, that’s not how pathophysiology (or evidence) works.

5. From Neuropathy to Narratives
By the end, Elise is blaming the government, pharma, and public health campaigns. She admits she only considered the vaccine as the cause after seeing a Forest of the Fallen display. This is classic retrospective attribution, not clinical causation.

🗣️ Summary:

This is a story of medical whiplash. One issue led to another, but each was either unrelated (shingles), iatrogenic (carbamazepine), or vague (tingling). At no point was a direct vaccine link confirmed. The tragedy here isn’t a jab gone wrong... it’s a cascade of medical misadventure misattributed to the wrong culprit.

💬 My Unqualified Opinion:

Elise’s pain is valid. Her frustration is real. But her conclusion is flawed. The vaccine may have been the first domino... but the rest of the stack was made of unrelated, common, or entirely explainable medical events. If Pfizer did anything, it certainly didn’t cause shingles, hypersensitivity syndrome, or pine-needle-based relief.

Verdict: 🔴 Highly Likely False
A rough health journey, but the blame lands miles from the source. What she calls a vaccine injury, the evidence calls unfortunate coincidence.