https://www.facebook.com/104313115208435/

Snarky Gherkin, Pyalong (2025)

08/11/2025

Met my hero today.

Caught Vasili at the Yarra Valley Garden Expo and got some top-shelf cucumber advice along with some black grit.

Scored a few rare natives, grabbed some bargains, and a gozleme that could heal the soul.

Cold day, warm vibes.

Might come back tomorrow. 🌿🥒

07/11/2025

The Cookers are mobilising again.

Mark your calendars and laminate your rights because “Mass Non-Compliance 11.11.2025” is nearly upon us.

That’s right... for 11 days starting 11/11, the plan is to use cash instead of cards.
That’s it. That’s the rebellion.

No online purchases. No PayPass.
Just pure, old-fashioned EFTPOS rage and suspicious $50 notes pulled from a heat-damaged bumbag covered in anti- radiation stickers.

But wait... because cookers hate being told what to do (even by each other), the organisers have already conceded:
“Just even do one day. Or, y’know, a half day. Whatever. Just… something.”

Apparently this is all in protest of Digital ID, which they believe is the end of freedom, the beginning of slavery, and somehow also linked to Bill Gates, CBDCs, 5G, the moon landing, and Woolies self-checkout.

This same crowd can’t figure out how to update their MyGov login but they’re convinced a cash-only trip to Aldi will dismantle the World Economic Forum.

My prediction?

Most will forget.

Some will post about it on Facebook using their real name and photo.

And one guy named Daz will gilm himself trying to pay with laminated sovereign currency at JB Hi-Fi and get escorted out by security.

07/11/2025

Turns out Australia doesn’t just lead the world in weird animals... we’ve also bred an entire ecosystem of cooker conspiracy mascots.

07/11/2025

The algorithm is absolutely cooked.

We’ve hit a point where credible information is scattered like confetti at a cooker rally.

You can spend your morning watching a self-certified “truth seeker” explain how the moon is a Wi-Fi router... and your afternoon discovering that a woman teaching neural networks on Pornhub earns three times what she’d make on YouTube.

Yes. Pornhub. The new frontier for STEM education, apparently.

Because when the algorithm buries actual knowledge, the innovators just move where the clicks are.

Take this very page... an animated pickle trying to debunk medical misinformation, fending off anti-vax Telegram groups, chemtrail crusaders, and people who think “peer reviewed” means “my mate Gaz agreed.”

It’s a war of attention… and the battlefield is pure chaos.

So next time you hear someone moan in the cubicle next to you, don’t judge too fast.
They might’ve just grasped the concept of backpropagation in multi-layer perceptrons.

We’re living in a timeline where s*x sells, science struggles, and satire has to pick up the slack.
Education’s been forced into the comment section.

The world’s misinformation economy is booming, and the rest of us are out here teaching reality between cat videos, crypto grifters, and cookers sharing memes about microchips in lettuce.

Still, we fight on... because if truth has to compete with everything else on the internet,
it might as well show up with a sense of humour, a glass of wine, and a handsomely dressed Gherkin.

06/11/2025

So Pauline’s done it... flown to Mar-a-Lago, and delivered what can only be described as the most un-Australian speech ever given on foreign soil.

There she was, standing beneath a wall of American flags, telling a crowd of Trump fans that Australia’s doomed, climate change is fake, and Indigenous people have ruined the mining sector.

You’d think someone who bangs on about sovereignty might, I don’t know… act like she has some.

Let’s clarify some points...

The “Lima Declaration” didn’t destroy manufacturing. Automation, globalisation and corporate greed shifted it.

China didn’t “plunder” us... our own companies chased cheap labour and we sold them our valuable commodities at below market price, using our tax dollars to subsidise it.

The Paris Agreement doesn’t make Australia poorer... it protects our trade, jobs, and minor detail, livable conditions.

Native Title isn’t a “hand-back” of the country... it’s a legal correction for land that was stolen.

And “climate change is a hoax” is the kind of statement that should disqualify someone from handling scissors, let alone policy.

Her speech wasn’t patriotic. It was pandering... a reheat of every American right-wing talking point dressed in an Aussie accent.

She even attacked Welcome to Country as “outrageous.” Imagine being so thin-skinned you can’t handle someone welcoming you as part of the oldest living culture on Earth, before kickoff.

Pauline calls herself a nationalist, but she spent her big moment on a foreign stage, sucking up to U.S. politicians, trashing her own country, and misrepresenting our laws, science, and people.

That’s not standing up for Australia.
That’s auditioning to be someone else’ useful, paid idiot.

05/11/2025

[Aus Far-Right Chronology 2025]

I can’t keep track of the cooker drama anymore, so I’m writing this down for my own sanity.

Here’s the working timeline of the far-right protest splinter saga. It's like watching a dumpster fire argue with itself.

Please correct or add anything I’ve missed:

(Ongoing – subject to further fractals)

• July 2025, March for Australia (MFA) kicks off as an alleged grassroots initiative, fronted by a young bloke. Gains rapid traction... 100k+ followers in days.

• Said kid panics. Hands control to Bec Freedom.

• Almost immediately, National Socialist Network (NSN) claims involvement... asserting they helped organise MFA behind the scenes.

• Monica Smit flip-flops: first encourages supporters to attend MFA, then denounces it due to optics and factional control, then backflips again. Confusion sown, loyalties splinter.

• Smit then announces her own protest: Put Australia First. Co-organised with Nick Patterson and Morgan Jonas, marking a formal split.

• August 2025 MFA march occurs... turnout underwhelms. But one group turns up in force: the National Socialist Network. NSN members hijack the optics... marching upfront, flags flying, faces uncovered. The event becomes a PR disaster, even by cooker standards.

• Later that day, NSN members violently storm Camp Sovereignty in a targeted escalation... assaulting First Nations defenders, elderly, women, and disabled activists. Any remaining claims of plausible deniability evaporate. Thomas Sewell is arrested.

• In response, MFA declares a second march for October... framed as a “do-over” or course correction.

• Factional chaos erupts:

Infighting between cooker admins, influencers, and street-level organisers.

Concerns over NSN’s involvement grow.

Competing egos resent being sidelined or under-credited.

• October 2025 MFA march: numbers collapse. Estimated 85% drop in attendance. Some openly accuse others of sabotage or selling out. The movement begins to cannibalise itself.

• A new umbrella initiative 'Save Australia' announces a protest for 15 November. Attempts to cobble together remnants from various factions.

• Meanwhile, MFA QLD announces it is breaking away, rebranding as 'Australia Marches'. Claims to reject NSN ties, but still platforming the same rhetoric.

• Put Australia First (PFA) now preparing a protest on 30 November. Allegedly seeking $25,000 per capital city sponsor... signalling financial desperation or high-budget aspirations (depending on who you ask).

[To be continued]

05/11/2025

Turns out all it took to collapse 'March for Australia' (MFA) was sunlight, scrutiny, and letting them speak freely for a few weeks.

05/11/2025

In the latest episode of Real Housewives of the Far-Right Fringe, March For Australia has exploded into yet ANOTHER petty schism to form its own splinter group: Australia Marches.

Bec Freedom, in a heartfelt statement through several fonts of disappointment, says Brisbane’s organisers secretly prepped their own website and socials way back in September... without consulting the main MFA team. Permits are already in place, but the concern now is that Brisbane might try to “take over” the other major cities by confusing punters via social media (as if they weren't confused enough). Classic cooker playbook: split the movement, then act shocked when it splits again and again and again.

Meanwhile, the official statement (in the comments) throws the full spaghetti...

Brisbane’s last two rallies apparently felt like campaign events for conservative politicians, not grassroots anti-immigration fearfests.

Brisbane organisers accuse MFA “bending over backwards” for cowardly MPs and “moderates with donors,” trying to turn MFA into a political vehicle rather than a white pride picnic with flags.

Brisbane’s reluctance to talk about ethnic and racial demographics is cited as a major betrayal of MFA’s true values. Yes, they said the quiet part loud again.

And in what might be the most unintentionally hilarious line: “It seems that although they couldn’t buy us, they could buy Brisbane.” (A stirring rejection of... being bought out by slightly more polite racists?)

In summary, Brisbane’s out. MFA is furious.
And the cooker ecosystem continues to do what it does best: devour itself.

The “freedom” movement now looks less like a revolution and more like a dysfunctional pyramid scheme fighting over flyer designs.

Stay tuned for next week’s update when someone else launches a group called True Real Freedom Marches 2.0 (Official) and everyone threatens to sue each other using Maritime Law.

Cheers from the rest of us in Normsville.

05/11/2025

Every so often, a comment comes along so catastrophically cooked, it demands its own post.

Today’s winner: Ewe Wish... part-time microscope enthusiast, full-time nasal truther.

They reckon RAT tests are secretly made of barbed micro-daggers, designed to scrape your “meaty nasal cavity” and leave behind spike-laden debris.
His evidence? A fuzzy image allegedly showing a RAT swab at 600x magnification.

Except...
That’s not a RAT swab.
It’s not even clear it’s medical equipment.
Reverse image search turns up nothing.
No published study. No manufacturer. No source. Just another blurry jpeg doing laps on Telegram like it’s gospel.

What he’s probably showing is a PCR swab... which has different fibres, is designed to absorb RNA, and yes, looks spikier under a microscope.
Because everything looks spiky at 600x magnification.
That’s how magnification works. It shows structure.

You could point the same microscope at a bath towel or a p***c hair and get similar results. Doesn’t mean they’re laced with nanobots.

Also the swab doesn’t go “near the brain.”
It stops at the nasopharynx... a few centimetres in, nowhere near your frontal lobe.
Unless you’re ramming it in like a medieval joust, you’re safe.

And no, it doesn’t “shed micro-shards.”
RAT and PCR swabs go through stringent ISO and TGA testing for biocompatibility.
They’re sterile, medical-grade, and engineered not to break off in your face.
The only thing brittle here is cooker understanding of anatomy.

So next time someone insists you "look closer" at a swab through their Kmart microscope, remind them magnification doesn’t shrink dumb, it just sharpens the edges.

04/11/2025

BREAKING: Rumble > SlayNews > Telegram > Jenny’s cousin's screenshot.

A video’s doing the rounds again. It claims mRNA vaccines have “destroyed the brains of billions.”

The source?

SlayNews.
Yes, that unshakeable pillar of medical journalism parked somewhere between a forwarded chain email and a rant overheard at a servo at 2am.

It breathlessly cites Dr Sucharit Bhakdi... who retired in 2012 and then pivoted hard right from microbiology to full-time conspiracy content.
Imagine if David Attenborough quit wildlife documentaries to flog crypto courses on Rumble.

Cookers say, “Follow the money.”
So I did.

Turns out Bhakdi’s wealth has grown significantly post-pandemic, according to Germany’s public registry, W-IdNr (equivalent of an ABN). Almost like fear sells better than facts when you’re grifting through fear-porn and sketchy interviews on Telegram.

Anyway, let’s do critical thinking:

• Claim: The spike protein crosses the blood-brain barrier and nukes your noggin.

• Reality: mRNA stays local... mainly in your arm and nearby lymph nodes.
It breaks down in days.
It doesn’t enter your DNA.
It doesn’t travel to your brain, let alone vaporise it.

No symptoms.
No cognitive decline.
No peer-reviewed evidence to back any of it.
MRI studies show no difference between vaccinated and unvaccinated brains.

Unless, of course, you think Telegram link with 3 flame emojis counts as a scientific journal.

This is what happens when someone watches a Rumble clip, screenshots it, adds four crying emojis and forgets that YouTube rejected it for a reason.

So next time someone tries to warn you breathlessly with this digital game of broken telephone…

Ask them:
“Did Bhakdi also tell you your microwave is a CIA sleeper agent?”

04/11/2025

DailyFail is at it again, rehashing clickbait that's behind a paywall based on the same junk we torched in July.

The “eye damage” claim comes from a tiny Turkish study that had no control group and no placebo, measured minute natural variation in corneal cells that can fluctuate due to hydration, age, contact lenses, or even how tired you are.

The researchers observed changes so small they fall within the margin of error for that equipment (literally the kind of shift you'd see if the machine wasn’t calibrated properly) 8% variability is common in specular microscopes which can often show 5–12% swings depending on operator technique, calibration drift, or whether the patient blinked too soon.

The study had no reported symptoms, no vision issues, no health impact and couldn’t be replicated anywhere else.

It was then spun into clickbait by a Peter McCullough-aligned blog with a long history of medical grifting.

This is what happens when you give a megaphone to people who can’t read past a headline but really want to believe they’ve uncovered a global conspiracy via a Telegram thread.

Your eyeballs are fine.
What’s degenerating is the cooker ability to tell the difference between science and tabloid nonsense.

Snarky Gherkin

08/11/2025

07/11/2025

07/11/2025

07/11/2025

06/11/2025

05/11/2025

05/11/2025

05/11/2025

05/11/2025

04/11/2025

04/11/2025

Address

Website

Alerts

Shortcuts

Share

Category