18/05/2024
DISAPPOINTMENT AND DISSATISFACTION
Disappointment has been a challenge of mine… really since the realisation in my adult life that dreams and visions and ideas don’t always come true. As I grappled with false light narratives basically for the last 20 years, clinging on to false hope, and rationalising that ‘if I lower my expectations, I won’t be disappointed’, I lied to myself over and over trying to convince myself that if I just ‘cultivate gratitude’ I can at least attempt to squash the deep layer of disappointment.
I’ve been so aware of these themes of disappointment and dissatisfaction within me, guilty … as really, my life is pretty good. I cannot complain - at all. I am fortunate in many ways. I have been blessed ten fold.
So these words from sister Geeia Ariati - ‘the disappointment shows you the aspects of yourself that have not come to wholeness or totality to experience in the present moment’ and as such, cause you to not experience life in its fullness, feeling disappointed. Wow! 💡the power lies in the self accountability once again, and realising that expectations outside of yourself leak your sacred power.
To be honest, I could probably track the initiation of the disappointment theme back to my motor vehicle accident when I was 23. The trauma was so much, and I suffered, although could see the miracle in it. Afterwards, life was no longer seen through my youthful rose coloured lenses 🥀 So it feels true to say that this disappointment was my unresolved trauma from that event, that permeated through the rest of my adult life - until now.
In the lowering of my expectations on others, I also lowered my own expectations of myself - and lowered my self worth. I didn’t listen to my needs and wants. I self sacrificed. Meanwhile holding on with dear life to the one thing that offered reprieve - yoga. It also gave me identity that felt true and blissful. Really, it was allowing me moments to disconnect with my world and interestingly, I would say, it kept me from being witness to my Dark, in pure avoidance.
Now… able to See all the identities that I can let go of, all the holding, attaching - I am beginning to find my peace in the nothingness and everything of who I am. Leaning into any moments of disappointment or dissatisfaction to simply See that it is an opportunity to BE MORE of me in the present moment. To fully embrace. Today I am just going to focus on the fullness in every single moment - even the un-fun ones - and practice being in the I Am. 💛