17/05/2026
Time has passed so quickly since that day…
Yet even now, whenever I close my eyes, every single moment of my delivery comes back vividly.
At the very beginning, after several tests, it was discovered that I had a pneumonia virus. Because of that, I was given saline every 4 hours throughout the entire delivery process, and every time it entered my body, the pain was unbearable. Alongside that, another continuous saline was already running.
Then I was taken to the labour room.
At first, the contractions were still somewhat bearable. But as time passed, the pain became more and more terrifying.
Painkillers were given… but nothing seemed to work.
Later, I was given Hapicus.
First 30%, then 50%, 80%… finally 100%.
Hapicus is a type of gas mask that requires deep breathing over and over again. With every breath, the pain felt slightly less intense, but even taking those breaths required enormous strength.
As I kept using it, my head started spinning horribly. Everything around me became blurry, and it felt as if my body was floating away. At times, I felt like I was losing control over my own body.
Gradually, I became so weak that my body almost stopped responding. On top of that, the contractions were becoming even more unbearable. While repeatedly asking the midwife for an epidural, my screams unknowingly grew louder and louder—until I reached a point where the body and pain no longer felt separate, where everything around me blurred, my mind stopped functioning, and I became completely lost inside my screams.
That day, I went through exactly that kind of state.
I lost consciousness.
My husband kept holding my hand again and again, and each time my hand would slip away from his without me even realizing it.
At that moment, I truly felt like I was standing very close to death. The faces of all my loved ones were flashing before my eyes. I genuinely thought I might not survive.
At that exact moment, my midwife and Abir kept asking me over and over,
“Mim, where is the pain? Where is the pain?”
After struggling to focus on those words for a long time, I slowly regained consciousness.
That day, for the very first time, I understood that pain could be this intense.
After that, I was finally given an epidural.
For nearly an hour, some of the pain faded away. But soon, the side effects began.
My entire body started itching unbearably—so badly that I scratched myself until my skin became red and wounded. My body felt strangely heavy, I was shivering, my mouth had gone completely dry, and my head felt dizzy and numb.
After an hour, the unbearable pain returned once again.
Crying endlessly, I lost consciousness again.
Another epidural was given.
After nearly 14 hours of suffering, I was told that my cervix had fully opened, but there was still a long way to go and much more strength was needed to deliver the baby.
By then, I had already lost consciousness twice. My body had no strength left…
And still, there was more pain, more suffering—far beyond what words can truly describe.
After enduring 22 hours of unimaginable pain, my baby finally came into this world.
Alhamdulillah… SubhanAllah 🤍
The moment I saw her for the first time, I felt she was the most perfectly beautiful thing I had ever seen.
For ten months, I had only imagined her in my dreams—and now, I was finally seeing her with my own eyes, holding her against my chest.
My arms felt complete.
My life felt fulfilled.
She is a piece of my soul, my little angel girl — Saifa Noor Ayat 🥺
It felt as though Allah had poured peace and tranquility into the emptiness inside my heart like soft clouds filling the sky.
I felt complete.
Even after the delivery, my whole body was trembling violently, but inside my chest there was only one peace—
my daughter was finally in my arms. Alhamdulillah.
Beside me, the man I love stood with tears continuously falling from his eyes. He stayed beside me the entire time, giving me strength through every moment. I truly believe every husband should stand beside his wife during delivery.
My midwife was also incredibly kind.
I could see tears in her eyes too as she watched me suffer.
Becoming a mother without having my own mother beside me was one of the hardest feelings in the world. Still, life goes on…
Amma, I miss you in every single moment.
In happiness, I remember you… but in pain, I miss you twice as much.
And during those moments, I keep thinking only one thing—
you endured this same unbearable pain for me too, Maa…
I can never properly write about you, Amma.
The moment I try, my eyes fill with tears, and every word disappears.
May all the mothers and fathers of this world stay blessed and loved. 🤍
