14/12/2025
LOCAL CHICKEN JOINT TO OFFER NEW LINE OF EXOTIC WINGS
In what many residents are calling “the logical end result of unchecked development,” Rooster Joe’s announced this week that it will begin serving a new line of “Exotic Wings,” featuring parrot, scarlet macaw, and toucan, smoked over freshly harvested mangrove.
The announcement appeared tone deaf as Placencia continues to grapple with the clearing of mangroves by developers, whose luxury projects have transformed once-protected coastlines into piles of lumber and resentment. Rather than letting that wood go to waste, Rooster Joe’s owner Joe R. says he saw an opportunity. “Look, the mangroves are already cut,” Joe explained. “They’re just sitting there. I don’t see why we shouldn’t use them to enhance flavor. Sustainability is about using what you have, right?”
The restaurant’s new Exotic Wings are being offered in traditional sauces like buffalo and honey garlic, though Joe insists the mangrove-smoked preparation is “where these new options really shine.”
To appeal to families, Rooster Joe’s also announced a kids’ menu addition: hummingbird wings, served naked “because kids don’t really appreciate seasoning other than ketchup anyway.”
Outrage was swift. “This is exactly what happens when greedy, foreign developers come in, cut down our mangroves, and nobody stops them,” said one furious local. “Now we’re apparently eating our beloved birds too? Nothing is safe from those people.”
Joe appeared genuinely surprised by the backlash. “People come to Placencia to try exotic things,” he said. “Every bar sells chicken wings. We just wanted to offer something new and memorable”
The move reflects a broader culinary arms race in the village, as eateries scramble to outdo one another following news first broken in October by the Placencia Coconut Telegraph that a planned McDonald’s location would be testing an oxtail burger. Rumors now swirl of a coatimundi steak already in development at another local establishment, reportedly to be paired with craft martinis and zero self-awareness.
Undeterred, Joe confirmed the kitchen is already developing its next menu item: parrotfish bites served with a creamy dipping sauce. “We’re calling it Chicken of the Reef,” he said proudly. “It’s catchy, it’s familiar, and technically, fish are kind of like chickens of the sea. People will love it.”
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The Placencia Coconut Telegraph is an occasionally funny satire and parody publication. All content, however similar to real events, is fictitious. Any real, semi-real or similar names, places, people, products, services and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding story details are purely fictional.