Illuminator of Spirit

23/06/2025

This morning, I sit in a quiet corner at the in Medicine Hat, Alberta 🩷

Kris, the owner, is a kind woman with a loving soul. She’s not here this morning but I a grateful to have been able to give her a big hug yesterday when we came in for a slice of her mouthwateringly delectable quiche.

The Zucchini Blosson catered my Mom’s celebration of life in December. My Mom did the bookkeeping for ZB shortly after they opened in early 2000s, so Kris knew her. It warmed my heart that she also joined us on the day.

This place holds a special place is my heart. It’s a beautiful place to eat, drink and connect - a multi-generational hangout that effortlessly brings people together.

With love, I come here every single time I’m down.

💓

22/06/2025

This is my very good friend Dave - holding a mug I picked up for him last Christmas at The Steaming Cup. This photo really captures his essence.

Over the years, and he’s been a family friend since I was in my teens, Dave has become an incredibly important part of my life. A safe haven. A small but vital community of one + one.

Our friendship blossomed after Mom moved to Calgary and I needed a place to sleep when I was visiting my Dad. He lives just outside of Redcliff, a small town that borders Medicine Hat.

We talked about our friendship last night, and this morning we will connect over all sorts of things while sipping a cup or two of coffee.

Him and I are in this together. This one is palpable and obvious and strong ... an easy one to anchor to ☕💕

07/06/2025

Meet Phinny ✨ This incredible 5 year old sheepadoodle came into our life in late February. It was unplanned and exactly on time. The best kind of life’s moments arrive this way.

11/02/2025

24/10/2024

Dear Friends 🥰

In the spirit of , I hid the post I published yesterday before drifting off to sleep last night. I was feeling the too muchness of it. The rawness of its vulnerability. It's heaviness.

And then this morning, I changed it, and opened it up once again.

So, to anyone who saw its earlier rendition, and even commented, you’ll notice that it is different, and that the second part of it has now become today’s post instead.
Yesterday, Part II.

I deepened my contemplation about my early years on a train ride yesterday morning. I was asking why ... over and over and over. Dropping down and delving through a new layer each time...wondering why I lied, and also, why I just didn’t fess up & admit my wrongdoing when I was a teenager. Even when I got caught (because I wasn't THAT good 😉).

I would just take the punishment, but never really felt like I should drop to my knees and apologize for what I had done. I didn't ever really feel guilty (at least that I can remember) but I certainly felt shame, an emotion that I continue to understand more deeply today. As a teenager, I would just cover it up with a 6 pack of beer on the weekend.

Could it have been about survival? As a way of protect myself from getting hurt? Maybe it was rooted in a fear of being rejected? Or a fear of being alone? It could have been a way to feel like I had control over something? Perhaps I was just scared? Or, even that at some core level, that I was genuinely afraid of dying? (this last part deserves a closer look in a future post).

I also wondered if maybe I lied because I desperately wanted to hang on to whatever thread of love I felt was there when I was seen as the good girl. I was just so afraid of losing it.

And it was simple - for my heart to stay as close as possible to love - I just needed to be exactly what my father wanted me to be...the good girl. The girl who doesn't lie.

Exactly the kind of person he also desperately wanted himself to be...

?

Until tomorrow my loves,

Jenny Mae

*I’m in Geneva, Switzerland at the moment, and have woken up in a beautiful room full of vibrant colour & a very strong cup of coffee. This photo of me, in fact all of the photos you have seen of me in this series, were taken in London, UK back in August. Just in case you were wondering ☺️

23/10/2024

Dear Friends ☺️

As Donna Riley put it yesterday, I think it’s the deeper look at our inner landscape that has the answers. Lying is a complicated thing. Or maybe it's simple actually. And since we are often quick to chastise others for lying, we simply must know more about ourselves.

(I’m also not interested in making this about other people. At least not in this post. I am not a victim. Not anymore, at least.)
My origin story. (as I invite you to consider yours...)

As a child, I mostly lied to keep myself from getting in trouble. My Dad was pretty particular about following the rules. I also desperately wanted to been seen as ‘good’. The good girl. I am certain that many of you reading this can relate. Needing to be the good girl (or boy) comes with all sorts of side effects.

I could share hundreds of examples from my childhood. From the elaborate (& harrowing!) story I told after returning home from sneaking out, to the faking sick so I could spend time with my boyfriend. I’ve been pouring over these memories for the past few days. Some have made me chuckle, others have made me cringe.

These things can easily be excused as innocent childhood lies (we all do it to some degree, right?), and I genuinely believe there is truth to this. We must give ourselves grace. We are learning, pushing boundaries and literally seeing what we can get away with.

Also however, I think there is this other part – the clever teenager that is proving to herself what is possible. Manipulation 101 in the school of life, and if the grades are good you continue on to the post-secondary degree. This practice then inherently becomes a part of who we are.

From the lying to myself, to the little 'white' ones (a term I will never use again - more on that later), this tradition then carried on into my adulthood. Thankfully I did drop the big, dramatic ones.
I want to be very clear that today, I know myself to a genuinely honest person and someone who tells the truth (and sometimes, to what some would say is to her determinant!). Especially since I quit drinking alcohol and even more so over the past 9 months as I've come into greater connection with myself, my intuition and also in witnessing others around me. I've also had to pull the blinders off of things that have happened in my family.
It's not been easy, but what has come with it has been a life changing shift in how I feel and who I have become.

With eyes wide open,
Jenny Mae

❤As with yesterday, I lovingly welcome you to comment on what comes up for you as you read this. I am also immensely grateful for those of you that reached out with your 1:1 shares. Keep them coming! This IS how we set ourselves free!! (because it probably needs saying at least one more time).

22/10/2024

Dearest Friends 😘

Lying.

It has been so very potent in my field lately. Showing up over and over and over again. Sometimes it's someone lying about what they’ve done, or lying about what they have, or even lying about who they are. Other times it's just me, facing the allure of its temptation.

For many, many months now I’ve been asked to pay very close attention.

Someone lied to me just a few days ago. This morning, I’m pretty sure I lied to myself. Tomorrow will be another day where literally millions of people on this planet will choose to lie.

Lying is something that has been transforming inside of me over this past year, and my sense is that it needs transforming inside of us all. Inside our minds, our hearts, our families and in our culture. It’s pervasive. It needs waking up.
I have a story I'll share today. A memory from my late teens that has haunted me for years…

I had cheated on my boyfriend. It was with an ex-lover of mine and when my boyfriend confronted me about it, I lied. It was full of drama, and was by far the most unrelenting moment of my life. I was near hysterical, denying it over and over and over and over and over...
..I begged & pleaded with him…

…until, finally, after hours and maybe even days, he said he believed me.

I just couldn’t tell the truth. It felt utterly impossible - as if I might die if I spoke the truth.

And while our relationship was never the same after that, I remember feeling so incredibly relieved (and exhausted!) - like I had valiantly won the most important battle of my life.

And as I fast forward to today, 25 years later, I am watching that same relief come only from telling the truth. By finally saying the difficult & sometimes shameful things out loud, and by also writing & sharing some of them here with you.
These next five days will be an expose of sorts, as I continue to crack open the mystery (and the obvious!) of our propensity to lie. Of our fear of truth telling. There will be more stories & an honest look at what it does to ourselves, our families and to our relationships.

If something you read here moves you, either comment or reach out to me with a personal message. I want to know more about what you are noticing.

With love,

Jenny Mae

12/03/2024

Constriction

My parents smoked when I was growing up. A lot. It started when I was in the womb, and continued on their lap, at the dinner table, and in the car.

40% of people in North America smoked in the 70s and so many kids had this same experience.

This was the beginning of our constricted life - our literal airways compressed. Then add societal pressure, suppressed emotions, parents who keep a tight control over our future, and so on and so on. Before we know it, we are unexpressed, fearful & unconsciously perpetuating this cycle of suffering.

As a parent, a daughter & a sister, I can't tell you how many times this has been me (as the victim & the perpetrator).

Constriction addition. This is our individual & collective wound. It keeps us from expanding into our greatness, building bridges & letting love in.

Spring is arriving. The place of the the dragon & the eagle. The beginning of the astrological calendar, and the rise of nature's potentiality 🌱🪷

Love as your Legacy is now nineteen dollars if you register by the end of the week. This symbolizes the need to begin doing things differently. To flip things around. To begin breaking the cycle.

See c❤mments.

With love,
Jenny Mae
❤

07/03/2024

March is a birth month.

It signals the rebirthing process for many of us.

We gently come out of hibernation, each day births us 3 more minutes of light & it's the spring equinox.

The fiery energy of Aries begins making its way into our hearts.

For me, my literal birthday is also celebrated this month, as a Pisces, living feverishly on the cusp ❤️‍🔥

And this year, there is something else.

Love as your Legacy

Within the potent transitionary space between March 19th and March 24th, I am curating a 6 day online portal experience. A journey soaked in self-awakening, rebirth, acceptance & love.

You will be ushered into & through the places that constrict you, and towards the boundless potentiality of life & love.

A melting of your winter's ice.

I'd love for you to join.

See comments 💞 🔽💞

05/03/2024

🩵Testimonial Tuesday 🩵

These were some of the most beautiful words I have ever heard spoken about me. Landing inside like nothing has ever quite landed. A signal of what I've become.

I don't come with a formula. I bring stories, truth-telling & the space to be witnessed in your own revelation.

And love is always, and most generously, present.

💓

02/03/2024

💗💗💗

29/02/2024