Coach with Nicole - Professional Life Coach

09/07/2026

I've been thinking about the relationship between our patterns and our standards.

We can know what we deserve.

We can know what doesn't work for us anymore.

We can know the boundary we need to hold.

And still find ourselves participating in something that doesn't meet our own standard.

Why?

Sometimes an old pattern is making the decision.

The need to keep the peace.

The fear of disappointing someone.

The habit of over-functioning.

The desire to be liked.

The belief that being understanding means tolerating more than we actually want to tolerate.

And sometimes, resentment is information.

It may be telling us:

I am participating in something that no longer meets my standard.

That's what I'm exploring in my September blog:

When Your Patterns Lower Your Standards.

And over the next few weeks, I'm going to take this conversation deeper—patterns, standards, resentment, boundaries and what happens when we begin choosing differently.

Because perhaps the question isn't only:

What are my standards?

Perhaps it's:

What pattern makes it difficult for me to live them?

The new blog is live. ❤️

Read it at https://www.coachwithnicole.ca/blog/2026/9/4/when-your-patterns-lower-your-standards

09/04/2026

https://www.coachwithnicole.ca/blog/2026/9/4/when-your-patterns-lower-your-standards

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about reciprocity. Not just in the obvious sense of I did something for you, so you should do something for me. I mean something deeper. Mutuality. Care. Effort. Consideration. The feeling that the relationship, friendship, partnership, or connection is not

09/04/2026

What becomes possible when you stop letting old patterns choose for you?

Maybe you don't become an entirely different woman.

Maybe you become more yourself.

I've been thinking about this all month.

This conversation began with a deeply personal realization about my marriage:

I love my husband differently today because I know myself differently.

And from there, we've spent weeks exploring the patterns underneath our reactions.

Keeping the peace.

Taking responsibility for everyone else's feelings.

Saying yes before we've discovered our no.

Living in our heads.

Looking outside ourselves for permission.

Knowing what everyone else needs while struggling to name what we want.

Abandoning ourselves in order to belong.

And through all of it, I've kept coming back to something:

Freedom isn't necessarily the absence of an old pattern.

Maybe freedom is recognizing it—and discovering that it no longer gets to make every decision.

I can hear myself.

I can trust myself.

I can want what I want.

I can let someone be disappointed.

I can say no.

I can change my mind.

I can belong without disappearing.

I can experience an old reaction without automatically obeying it.

There is space.

There is choice.

There is freedom.

And perhaps there is more of me available than I ever realized.

That's the work I'm interested in.

Not fixing women.

Not becoming someone else.

Becoming more available to the woman who was there all along. ❤️

If something in this month's conversation has been stirring in you, I'd love to invite you to experience the work I've been talking about.

I'm holding two more Complimentary Live Introductions to the Ishtara™ Method on Zoom:

September 9 | 4:00 PM MT

September 10 | 6:30 PM MT

Come exactly as you are.

Come curious. No pressure. No obligation.

Registration link in bio.

09/03/2026

You don't have to abandon yourself to belong.

Sometimes we know exactly what we want.

We know the answer is no.

We know something doesn't feel right.

We know we're tired.

We know we need space.

We know we want something different.

And then we look around at the people we love.

And suddenly, knowing isn't the difficult part.

Belonging is.

Will they be disappointed?

Will they think I'm selfish?

Will they understand?

Will this change our relationship?

Will they still choose me if I choose myself?

So we adjust.

Soften.

Explain.

Say yes.

Stay quiet.

Make ourselves easier to be with.

Sometimes so subtly that we don't even realize we're doing it.

And slowly, belonging can begin to cost us ourselves.

This is something I've had to learn:

Real belonging cannot require my self-abandonment.

I can love you and disagree with you.

I can care about your feelings without making them my responsibility.

I can hear your disappointment without changing my answer.

I can choose differently than you would choose.

I can have needs.

Boundaries.

Desires.

A voice.

And remain deeply connected.

Not everyone will understand every choice I make.

That's okay.

Because belonging isn't everyone approving of me.

Belonging begins with my willingness to remain with myself.

Maybe that's the question for today:

Where are you still leaving yourself in order to make sure someone else stays?

And what might become possible if, this time…

you stayed too? ❤️

09/02/2026

Do you know what you want…
or mostly what everyone else needs?

Some women can walk into a room and know almost immediately:

Who is uncomfortable.

Who needs help.

Who is disappointed.

Who needs reassurance.

What needs to be done.

How to make things easier.

How to keep everything moving.

We become incredibly skilled at noticing everyone else.

But ask:

What do you want?

And suddenly…

Silence.

Or:

“I don't know.”

Sometimes we've spent so many years responding to what everyone else needs that we've lost touch with our own desire.

Not because desire disappeared.

Perhaps because we stopped asking.

What do I want?

What feels good to me?

What am I hungry for?

What brings me alive?

What would I choose if no one else needed to approve?

What would I do if I weren't responsible for managing everyone else's response?

These aren't selfish questions.

They're intimate ones.

Because knowing what you want requires knowing you.

And perhaps self-trust begins here too:

Not immediately acting on every desire.

But becoming willing to hear it.

So today, before you ask what everyone else needs from you…

pause.

What do YOU want?

Don't make yourself justify the answer.

Just notice what comes. ❤️

09/02/2026

What if you stopped asking everyone else what you should do?

What do you think?

What would you do?

Do you think I'm making a mistake?

Am I being unreasonable?

Should I say something?

Should I stay?

Should I leave?

Should I do it?

We can become incredibly skilled at collecting opinions.

Sometimes we're looking for perspective.

But sometimes...

we're looking for permission.

Permission to want what we want.

Permission to say no.

Permission to change our minds.

Permission to disappoint someone.

Permission to make a choice another person doesn't understand.

Permission to trust something we know but can't quite explain.

I've had to learn that self-trust doesn't mean I always know the right answer.

It doesn't mean I stop seeking wisdom from people I trust.

And it certainly doesn't mean I never make mistakes.

Self-trust means I don't abandon my own knowing simply because someone else sees things differently.

I can listen to you...

and still hear me.

I can consider your perspective...

and still choose differently.

I can make a decision without knowing exactly how everything will turn out.

And if I discover I was wrong?

I can trust myself to meet that, too.

Maybe that's one of the quietest freedoms we can create:

I don't need everyone else to agree with my choice before I'm allowed to make it.

So here's today's curiosity:

Before you ask someone else what they think...

What do YOU think?

Before you ask what you should do...

What do you already know?

Maybe don't rush past the answer. ❤️

08/31/2026

Freedom is having another choice.

The old reaction may still appear.

The urge to please.
To fix.
To explain.
To keep the peace.
To disappear.
To say yes.

Freedom doesn't necessarily mean never feeling those things again.

Sometimes freedom is simply the moment you notice:

There it is.

And instead of automatically following it…

you pause.

You stay with yourself.

You listen.

And perhaps this time,

you choose differently.

That's the kind of freedom I'm interested in. ❤️

Not becoming someone new.

Becoming more available to the woman who was there all along.

08/29/2026

08/28/2026

Five women. Five completely different stories.

On Wednesday, five women joined me for a conversation about Ishtara.

They didn't come wanting the same thing.

One wanted greater capacity within her nervous system.

One was asking a question so many women eventually encounter:

Who am I now? What is my purpose?

Another was curious about discovering another way of working with herself.

There was grief.

Anticipatory grief.

A longing for peace.

For faith.

For belonging.

For purpose.

Different women.

Different histories.

Different seasons of life.

But as I listened, I kept hearing something underneath all of it:

I want to experience my life differently.

Maybe that's where change actually begins.

Not with knowing exactly what's wrong.

Not with having the perfect language for what we're experiencing.

Not even with knowing what we need to do next.

Sometimes there's simply a quiet recognition:

Something in me feels ready to shift.

I've spent this month writing about the patterns underneath our reactions.

Keeping the peace.

Taking responsibility for other people's feelings.

Saying yes before we've discovered our no.

Living in our heads.

Understanding a pattern intellectually while continuing to experience it in our bodies.

And Wednesday reminded me why I love this work so much.

There isn't one kind of woman who comes to Ishtara.

There isn't one problem we're trying to solve.

There are women.

Whole, complex women.

Each carrying a lifetime of experiences.

Each longing for something of her own.

And my job isn't to tell her what that something should be.

It's to listen.

To be curious.

To create a container where she can hear herself.

And when I genuinely believe Ishtara may support what she's seeking, I can open the door and invite her in.

She gets to choose.

Perhaps that's part of freedom too.

What feels ready to shift in you?

Maybe noticing is enough to begin.

P.S. If this month's conversation has stirred something in you, I'm holding two more Complimentary Live Introductions to the Ishtara Method™:

September 9 | 4:00 PM MT
September 10 | 6:30 PM MT

Come curious. Registration link - https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=27657528&appointmentType=category:Complimentary%20Live%20Introduction%20to%20the%20Ishtara%20Method%E2%84%A2

08/27/2026

✨ YOU ASKED FOR AN EVENING OPTION… ✨

So I created one. ❤️

A couple of women recently told me they were curious about Ishtara, but daytime simply didn’t work with their schedules.

And I thought — of course.

Women are working. Caring for families. Building businesses. Holding a lot.

So I’ve added an evening Complimentary Introduction to the Ishtara Method™.

BEYOND THE PATTERN

What feels ready to shift?

Thursday, September 10
6:30 PM MT
Online via Zoom
Complimentary

This is an opportunity to experience Ishtara, learn about this beautiful body-based Method, and explore the patterns that may be quietly influencing how you respond, relate, choose, protect yourself — and move through your life.

You don’t need to know what your “pattern” is.

You don’t need any movement experience.

You don’t need to come ready to change anything.

Just come curious.

We’ll talk. We’ll explore. And I’ll share how this work can help us create greater capacity, choice and freedom in our lives.

And if an earlier time works better for you, there’s another opportunity:

✨ Wednesday, September 9 at 4:00 PM MT

Two times. Two open doors.

Come experience it for yourself. ❤️

Registration is complimentary. Link in bio.