12/18/2025
✨️🦚✨️
Happy Holidays, everyone!
Instead of food pics, I am sharing the great peacock tree of ‘23. Someone well acquainted with my love of peacocks gifted me with this tree. And it’s a memory I will always treasure. Isn’t it beautiful?
As I’ve said, Bits & Bites no longer exists in its original incarnation. However, I am very proud of what I did during the two years of its existence. So, I’m still keeping the page, and every now and then I’m gonna pop back in here. Like now…
There is a difference between responsible frugality and the scarcity trap. I am learning to plant myself firmly in the former. So, instead of my conditioning automatically saying I’ll never have more - I’m now intentionally saying I am more than capable, and deserving, of having more. But what are my values and how much do I need versus want? And what do I want my work/life balance to look like? Basically, what’s most important to me?
If you know me, you know that I am as invested in personal growth and wellness, as I am in good food. I see so many people who won’t slow down. To think about what is truly important to them. And how they can purposefully support that. Instead of the mad rush of trying to keep up. With others, with fads, with the bills, with the facade. Whatever it may be. And many folks let it turn, what can and should be, a peaceful time into one of enormous stress. That really saddens me.
I haven’t ever shopped much for Christmas. And these last several years, less and less all the time. Instead, I CHOOSE to show my love and care for others by spending time with them. Unhurried time, over delicious homemade food. In the glow of Christmas lights, candles and the fireplace on my television screen. To the backdrop of my softly playing Christmas CDs. Yes, you read that right. My late husband and I thoughtfully selected each and every one, and spent countless hours enjoying them all. A tradition I will always continue.
So, if you are not yet acquainted with the concept of “Boundaries” this may be the season to test the waters and put one or two in place. As a start. Tune into your limits, and act accordingly. If you’re tired, rest. If that means saying no to an outing, so be it. If you don’t want to spend your hard earned money and time shopping, don’t. If you are tired of traditions that drain you more than sustain you, let them go. You have the power to “choose” how you want your holiday season to be. You may disappoint others in doing so. And this is where the best advice I’ve ever received about boundaries, comes in. “If people are upset about your boundaries, it means you are doing it right.” A hard truth for many.
If you approach the season in this way, it will go far in helping you start the new year rested and refreshed. Maybe with the funds to enjoy some activities that help you break up the long winter months. Instead of being chained to the stress of debt from overspending.
In my 53 years, I have had every kind of Christmas you can imagine. I have fond memories of the ones of my youth. But they changed forever when my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly one month before Christmas Eve 1996. That year was a bust. And the few that followed were all over the place, none particularly happy or settled. Though one with reggae Christmas music and scrumptious homemade Jamaican food stands out.
But that all changed again when I met my late husband. We both loved the season, and despite the life losses and changes we had both sustained by then, we celebrated our way every year. And those were the best Christmases of my life. Aside from one year where our gift to ourselves was Christmas spent in New York City (easily topped them all!), often much of them was spent with just the two of us and our beautiful cat. Good food, good music, great memories. For which I am eternally grateful.
In the last few years since he has been gone, I have been once again trying to find my bearings during this season each year. It hasn’t been easy, and it’s been all over the place once more. But I am feeling more grounded and content this year than ever before. In who I am and who I am becoming. And it fills me with a lot of peace, during a time of year that can be so challenging. For so many of us, for so many reasons.
Last year I felt called to spend the holidays giving back. To others, to the community. And I know it’s what I was meant to do then. This year, I am just as compelled to fill up my own cup. By hosting and attending a few low-key, intimate get-togethers with those closest to me. To celebrate having them in my life. I am beyond grateful that I have been able to build new, and rekindle old friendships alike, over the last few years. It has taken time, but the hole that was left in 2019, is being patched. One stitch at a time.
So, for those (many) of you who may struggle at this time of year (for countless reasons) know that I see you. And that you are not alone. Truly. It’s just that people don’t tend to want to discuss that part of the holidays. Or that side of life in general, really. It’s so much easier to just pretend it’s a shiny, happy time for one and all. But we all know that’s not the reality, and I’m here to talk about it. It’s what I do.
If you are feeling alone right now, and everywhere you turn just makes the sting that much worse - I believe better days are ahead. But I know from personal experience, that we have to get through some less than great ones to get there. It takes time and patience and gentleness and compassion for ourselves. If you can practice those things this time of year, you are capable of anything.
Please know there are many places to gather with others online nowadays. And the ones who really ”get it” are led by folks who are in similar situations. Those who are paying it forward, as they help others as well as themselves. So, if you don’t have others to gather with in person, or if you’re just not feeling it this year - do a search for somewhere that feels welcoming to you. There are support groups, therapists, coaches, 12-step programs - all kinds of safe and nurturing places to meet up. They do so much good. All year round, but especially during the seasons when many feel acutely alone.
I wish you peace and pockets of joy wherever you may find them. As this year winds to a close, and a new one beckons.
With Love,
Brenda St. Germain
Of Bits and Bites by Brenda
✨️
