03/06/2026
When you give your child timeouts for being angry, you’re teaching them love is conditional. And that damages them for life. Children need to rest in the security that there’s nothing they can do to destroy their relationship with you. And nothing they need to do to make it work. But in our society, we make kids work to be accepted: “You have to be good, smart, well-behaved, or you get a timeout. You can’t be with us. We’re going to deprive you of contact.” Here’s what’s happening: When you tell an angry 2-year-old “go sit by yourself until you’re normal,” you’re saying anger isn’t normal. But actually, it’s completely normal for toddlers to get frustrated and angry. The message becomes: “You’re not acceptable to me when you’re angry. Suppress who you are to be accepted.” That’s conditional love. Your child learns to hide their authentic emotions to earn your approval. They grow up believing they have to perform to be worthy of love. What unconditional love looks like: → “I see you’re angry. I’m here with you.” → “Your feelings are okay. You’re safe with me.” → “Nothing you do changes how much I love you.” Stop making your child earn your acceptance. Start showing them they’re lovable exactly as they are. 🗣️ Speaker: Dr. Gabor Maté Follow for expert-backed parenting advice.