The Miramichi Current

07/03/2023

Local residents were left dumbfounded this week after learning that Lord Beaverbrook, the figure many had assumed was the protagonist of a whimsical Arthurian legend, was, in fact, a real historical person.

Miramichi, NB – Local residents were left dumbfounded this week after learning that Lord Beaverbrook, the figure many had assumed was the protagonist of a whimsical Arthurian legend, was, in fact, a real historical person. The revelation came to light during a routine trivia night at a local pub, ...

06/27/2023

The New Brunswick Provincial Government has announced a groundbreaking initiative to introduce chimpanzees to the New Brunswick wilderness. The unexpected measure aims to boost tourism, with government officials eagerly envisioning droves of tourists flocking to catch a glimpse of these primates in the Canadian wild.

Fredericton, NB – The New Brunswick Provincial Government has announced a groundbreaking initiative to introduce chimpanzees to the New Brunswick wilderness. The unexpected measure aims to boost tourism, with government officials eagerly envisioning droves of tourists flocking to catch a glimpse o...

06/21/2023

The situation is clear, the province of New Brunswick finds itself grappling with a student emigration crisis. Gone are the days when young New Brunswickers would contentedly remain within the familiar confines of their hometowns. The desire for personal growth, higher education, and lucrative job prospects has led them to explore the vast possibilities available beyond their provincial borders. This worrying trend has more New Brunswickers asking themselves the same question: should we resort to mandatory surgical installation of GPS-activated explosive devices to monitor and control our youth?

The situation is clear, the province of New Brunswick finds itself grappling with a student emigration crisis. Gone are the days when young New Brunswickers would contentedly remain within the familiar confines of their hometowns. The desire for personal growth, higher education, and lucrative job p...

06/19/2023

In a shocking revelation, city officials of Miramichi have unveiled their master plan behind the recent foul odours emanating from the Newcastle Wastewater Treatment Plant. Contrary to popular belief, the city claims that the putrid stench was intentionally engineered as part of a covert operation to combat the ever-growing issue of obesity. The ingenious tactic, known as “Aroma Therapy,” has been shown to reduce residents’ food cravings by a staggering 78%.

In a shocking revelation, city officials of Miramichi have unveiled their master plan behind the recent foul odours emanating from the Newcastle Wastewater Treatment Plant. Contrary to popular belief, the city claims that the putrid stench was intentionally engineered as part of a covert operation t...

06/17/2023

In a move that has left many residents scratching their heads, city officials announced a $6 billion proposal to convert Beaubears Island, the beloved National Historic Site, into a state-of-the-art military warship construction facility.

Miramichi, NB – In a move that has left many residents scratching their heads, city officials announced a $6 billion proposal to convert Beaubears Island, the beloved National Historic Site, into a state-of-the-art military warship construction facility. The city spokesperson for the project, Josh...

06/14/2023

As students in Fredericton struggle with a crushing housing crisis and skyrocketing rental prices, one local real estate mogul is making headlines with a truly groundbreaking solution. Ronald Thorne, a notorious property tycoon, has announced plans to establish a ‘minimalistic’ student tent park in the heart of the city.

Fredericton, NB – As students in Fredericton struggle with a crushing housing crisis and skyrocketing rental prices, one local real estate mogul is making headlines with a truly groundbreaking solution. Ronald Thorne, a notorious property tycoon, has announced plans to establish a ‘minimalistic....

06/12/2023

In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the city of Miramichi buzzing with anticipation, city officials have declared that the long-awaited Anderson Bridge replacement is set to grace the area as early as 2046.

Miramichi, NB – In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the city of Miramichi buzzing with anticipation, city officials have declared that the long-awaited Anderson Bridge replacement is set to grace the town as early as 2046. Since 2016, the good people of Miramichi and its surrounding are...

06/11/2023

In an astonishing turn of events that has left the city of Miramichi both stunned and confused, local man Dave Robertson has returned from a lucrative stint working out west and did not immediately spend his hard-earned cash on a shiny new truck.

Miramichi, NB – In an astonishing turn of events that has left the city of Miramichi both stunned and confused, local man Dave Robertson has returned from a lucrative stint working out west and did not immediately spend his hard-earned cash on a shiny new truck. Robertson, who spent the last few m...

06/10/2023

The Department of Agriculture, Aquaculture, and Fisheries of New Brunswick has reportedly begun to consider drastic measures to control the booming population of bass in the Miramichi River. In a move that has some raising their eyebrows, officials have announced that they are looking into recycling Soviet-era nuclear weapons as a potential solution.

Miramichi, NB – The Department of Agriculture, Aquaculture, and Fisheries of New Brunswick has reportedly begun to consider drastic measures to control the booming population of bass in the Miramichi River. In a move that has some raising their eyebrows, officials have announced that they are look...

06/10/2023

Miramichi’s latest bid to encourage healthier lifestyles and reduce greenhouse gas emissions has been declared an unmitigated success, as the city’s new bike lanes have so far resulted in only 6 fatalities and 14 injuries as spring comes to a close.