19/05/2025
It started on one of those nights. You know the type—where your body is exhausted, but your mind is pacing the floorboards of your soul. I had opened Audible more out of restlessness than resolve, scrolling past thrillers and memoirs when Why We Can’t Sleep caught my eye. The title alone felt like someone had already read my thoughts. I hit play. What happened next was unexpected. Ada Calhoun’s voice, calm yet laced with a knowing urgency, didn’t just narrate the book—she carried me through it like a friend whispering truths at 2 a.m., when everything feels too raw to say aloud in the daylight. There was something about hearing her words in her own voice that made it intimate, honest, and strangely comforting—like she wasn’t just talking about Gen X women, she was talking about me. Here are eight unforgettable lessons I drew from her words, and why they still echo in my head (and heart):
1. You’re Not Crazy. You’re Just Worn Out. Ada’s message that many women are silently suffering—struggling to hold down jobs, raise kids, care for aging parents, and manage debt—hit me hard. She peels back the layers of what society has long dismissed as “mood swings” or “stress” and names it for what it is: emotional overload without a pause button. What struck me was how validating it felt to hear her say it out loud. In her voice, there was no judgment, just recognition. And for any woman listening, this lesson reminds you that your exhaustion isn’t a personal failing—it’s a logical response to decades of trying to do it all.
2. We Were Sold a Bill of Goods: Ada masterfully unpacks how women were raised to believe they could “have it all”—career, family, fulfillment—but weren’t told what that actually entailed. I found myself nodding as she connected the dots between our mothers’ rebellion and our own quietly simmering pressure to live up to an impossible ideal. Listening to her, I felt a strange mix of relief and betrayal. But mostly, I felt clarity. This lesson serves as a wake-up call to reevaluate the expectations we still carry—and to redefine success on our terms.
3. Midlife Crisis Isn’t Just for Men: I’ve always associated the phrase “midlife crisis” with red sports cars and fading hairlines, not silent tears at the kitchen sink. But Ada reframes it: for Gen X women, the crisis looks like insomnia, burnout, invisible labor, and the creeping sense of invisibility. Her voice, steady and reflective, guided me through this redefinition like she was laying out a map. This lesson opened my eyes to how overlooked our suffering has been—and why naming it is the first step toward healing.
4. The Money Anxiety is Real (and Widespread): Ada doesn’t shy away from the gritty financial realities that many women in midlife face—credit card debt, college tuition, medical bills, retirement fears. Her honesty made me squirm a bit. Because I’ve been there. What I appreciated was how she layered personal stories with national data, creating a chorus of voices that reminded me: you are not the only one. This lesson is a powerful tool for breaking the shame spiral around finances and reclaiming agency, one step at a time.
5. Our Mothers’ Freedom Became Our Burden: There’s a passage where Ada describes how the feminist revolution of the '60s and '70s promised liberation, but handed Gen X women a new kind of pressure—be everything, all at once, and without help. That part stuck with me. It’s as if we inherited the ambition but not the infrastructure. Her voice trembled slightly in places as she narrated this section, and it made the message land deeper. It’s a lesson in understanding generational tension—not with blame, but with empathy.
6. We Need to Talk About Sleep (and Why We Don’t Get It): Sleep is the book’s metaphor and its reality. Ada reveals how sleeplessness in midlife isn’t just physical—it’s symbolic of everything women are holding in: regret, rage, longing, guilt. I had never thought of insomnia that way before. Hearing her talk about women lying awake in silent panic was like holding up a mirror. This lesson invites every reader to stop ignoring the symptoms and start asking deeper questions: What’s keeping me up? What needs to change?
7. Everyone Looks Fine, But No One Is: Ada tells story after story of women who seem to be holding it all together—until you ask the right question. I was struck by how easily I could’ve been one of those women in her book, smiling on the outside but cracking beneath the surface. Her narration made the stories feel raw and intimate, like journal entries. This lesson teaches us to stop comparing ourselves to polished exteriors and start creating safe spaces for honesty—because we all need that permission to say, “I’m not okay.”
8. You Are Not Alone. Really. The most powerful thread running through Ada’s book is this: You’re not alone. Every time she shared another woman’s story, every time she confessed her own doubts and fears, I felt less isolated. And when Ada’s voice softened near the end, reassuring us that we’re not broken, just breaking through—something inside me unclenched. This lesson is both balm and battle cry: connection is our survival strategy.
Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/4dkrdHO
You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.
