08/16/2026
This is the story of how I almost gave up, but my cats kept giving me a reason for living. I was waking up every day wishing I hadn't. I was ridden with guilt and absolute shame over who I'd become, and I just wanted it to all be over.
I am generally a gleeful person, but I have very deep shadows that I've crawled out of, and it's what causes me to continue to be grateful that I even made it out the other side. I do not take lightly how statistically lucky I am, as several of those I knew are now gone. Good people stuck in an awful situation. We tried to take care of each other while we were not taking care of ourselves, but you can't save everyone. Especially those on a destructive path. But the strongest tool I acquired was believing that I deserved better. And my cats showed me that I was needed, and eventually that I did deserve to feel loved again.
I have grown to have so much appreciation for a brand new day. Every morning that I wake up is now a treasure, and making this final step of moving away from the powerful memories was a way to finally close the book on that chapter. My new chapter starts at the beginning of a whole new book. I can't and won't flip back, and the only way to go is forward.
I will always miss acting, and when performing on stage felt like a superpower. I miss the courage I had, and what it felt like to have a mind that hadn't been beaten down. The confidence I had in myself is still missing, and I don't think I'll get that particular brand of courage back. But there are other batches out there, and I'm sure I'll find some 🧡 I'm finally in a place where I feel safe enough to look around for it.
This move caused me to mourn several things. Things that I didn't realize I hadn't yet mourned. But that was what I needed. To physically let go of it all and leave it behind in my past. It's not who I am, it's what I survived.
Love,
Alex, Susie and Calvin
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