09/13/2024
Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall Again ☯️
Exactly a year ago, I left Ghana for Canada. My first weeks here were nothing short of magical, albeit strange—a kind of manic enthusiasm that was at once thrilling, reckless and oftentimes scary.
As days passed, that initial thrill warped into something darker. By October, the high that once exhilarated me started to unravel. My actions grew erratic, and the lack of sleep made my experiences increasingly otherworldly. Suddenly, everything—work, school, daily commitments—became impossible, leaving me lost and overwhelmed.
By November, reality hit hard. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. The news felt like a punch to the gut, and the ensuing depression was worse. Life ground to a halt, and the shame of lying in bed helplessly isolated me from the magic I had experienced earlier. It felt like being ripped from heaven and thrown into hell.
In the months that followed, I have tried to make sense of my diagnosis, its prognosis and the best ways to manage it, from lifestyle adjustments, to therapy and medication. But as I reflect on every turn on this weird journey, I’ve come to think of it in terms of the beautiful seasons in this foreign land:
🍂 Fall is the sharp, painful exit from Eden, a fall from grace; the bliss of summer fades, and everything that once brought joy and grounding suddenly overwhelms, exhausts and bores the body. You are forced to confront and shed your past self, revealing what needs to be left behind for the next phase of your growth. What you feed your mind and body in this time is crucial.
❄️ Winter is the deep freeze that causes you to sink deep into the furthest depths of your psyche. It is painful introspection, and a wrestling with the unconscious. You are forced to immerse yourself in the stillness to uncover uncomfortable hidden truths and buried emotions within yourself. The longer you resist, the longer the pain persists.
🌱 Spring is a resurgence to the top, and a desperate breath of fresh air, after the long cold dive of winter. It is renewal and rebirth. Fresh ideas and vibrant possibilities emerge, ripe for summer—ready for integration and manifestation. But be careful what you wish for and the entities you bring to life.
☀️ Summer is God and Life and everything beautiful. It is magic and flow and a ridiculous surge of carpe diem that crowns the fruits of inner work, the dangerous peak of mortal ecstasy, creative energy and divine love. You are at the summit of your spirit, in perfect tune with the God within and at the height of your own divinity. But hold steady, for Fall bears her scales, and nothing lasts forever.
As Fall returns, I find myself face-to-face once again with a familiar predicament. My body's cycles fail me, my energy levels are low, it is almost impossible to get up from bed most days and daily activities seem nearly impossible. I miss the magic of song, stories and erratic motivation. Still, I know I need to prioritize taking care of myself, and return life to where life was drawn. In the meantime, the support I've received from close friends, family, and acquaintances has been invaluable. Your love and encouragement keep me grounded.
To anyone facing similar challenges, know that the fog lifts in the end, and the experience is less painful with surrender. I keep coming back to learn that sometimes, doing the least you can do is the best thing for you. Thank you to everyone who continues to support and pray for me. For those enduring their own struggles, and those who have loved ones fighting similar battles, may you find hope and resilience to keep moving forward.
Asé. ☀️❤️
