06/02/2026
I have struggled with wanting to share this post because last time I talked about my mental health there was a lot less people watching. But I always told myself if I ever had a decent following I would use the platform to talk about mental health. And here we are! My goal isnât to gain sympathy but normalize and work on decreasing stigma around mental health.
Without further ado letâs go! 2 years ago I convinced myself I didnât need my anti depressants anymore. We had been at the lodge for a winter and things were shiny and new and it seemed like time. Things were good⌠until they werenât.
In a slow and barely noticeable way the anxiety and depression started creeping back in. Fast forward to March 2025 and I ended up in the hospital in Peterborough. I lost a significant amount of blood due to ulcers and NSAID bleeds and that ultimately led to a chronic illness diagnosis.
Around that same time I found out my ACL was completely torn and would require surgery. AND I was already living with constant chronic arthritis pain in my right knee from a previous injury.
Last summer was tough with the chronic pain, torn ACL, chronic illness diagnosis and running a business but I pulled through! I was proud of myself and was preparing for my November ACL surgery.
Surgery went well but it didnât take long for me to spiral into some hellish depths of seasonal depression that I hope to never revisit in my life. Only seeing sun a few hours a day if lucky paired with recovery and chronic pain and navigating my EOE diagnosis was leading to a rapid downward spiral.
I was able to work, smile, and socialize but inside I was dying. All I wanted to do was hide in a cave and cry until the pain left my brain and body. Things like music, movies and socializing stopped bringing me joy. The depression infiltrated every single inch of my life. Coating everything in a muted and filmy filter that dulled all the things that were usually enjoyable and shiny.
I fought all winter to keep myself afloat, manage a business, keep my marriage on track and stay alive. By February I knew this was more than seasonal depression. It was aggressive and debilitating. I called my family doctor and we came up with a plan for me to get back onto my SSRI.
I started taking them in March. It is June 2 and they have taken effect. I was listening to music one day and I thought âwhy didnât I listen to music more in the winter?â Before realizing the depression stole that joy from me and thatâs why I didnât do it.
For well over a year I self stigmatized myself into not taking anti depressants. That the side effects like weight gain were a good enough reason to not take them again. BUT Iâd rather be alive and a little fat than skinny and dead đ¤ˇââď¸ I have to take multiple medications for my chronic illness so why am I against the anti depressants?
I have accepted this is a lifetime commitment. Itâs who I am and thatâs ok. My brain chemistry is off balance and thatâs perfectly ok. Am I nervous to share as a business owner? Absolutely. Am I nervous to share as someone who has a social media following? 100 %. But those are also the reasons Iâm sharing.
If you made it this far thanks for reading. If you need assistance navigating your mental health send me a message and I will point you in the right direction. Life doesnât have to be this hard đ
