12/31/2025
NOTICE OF OMNIBUS HOLIDAY GREETING
TO ALL RELEVANT PARTIES: Please be advised that this correspondence serves as a Global Settlement Agreement for any and all celebratory sentiments required for the 2026 fiscal year.
Terms and Conditions:
Scope of Coverage: This card shall be deemed to include, but is not limited to: one (1) "Happy New Year," one (1) "Best Wishes," and an indefinite number of "Glad Tidings."
Indemnification: By opening or viewing this post, the Recipient agrees to indemnify the Sender against any claims of "forgetting to call," "failing to text back," or "neglecting to comment on your recent social media post."
Merger Clause: This greeting supersedes all previous oral or written promises of "catching up soon." Said promises are hereby declared null and void until further notice.
Force Majeure: The Sender is not liable for New Year’s resolutions broken within the first seventy-two (72) hours of the calendar year due to acts of God, pizza delivery, or general lack of willpower.
BY VIEWING THIS CARD, YOU HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF SUFFICIENT HOLIDAY SPIRIT.