12/05/2025
“Lownds marks an impressive debut that reflects on his dark journey into addiction—at the age of 48—and the grueling years of recovery and rebuilding that followed. Set within Toronto’s corporate and social circles in the late 1990s to early 2000s, Lownds’s narrative follows his downward spiral into shocking co***ne use, extortion, isolation, and desperate attempts to climb back up again. His raw, vulnerable writing shows both the allure and danger of indulging, highlighting the advantages and disadvantages of wealth and a life of excess, in a terrifying journey that starts when Annabelle, a girlfriend he meets at a strip club, unexpectedly moves in—and introduces him to his first taste of crack co***ne.
Lownds sweeps readers directly into the line of fire, refusing to hide behind excuses as he exposes his own flaws, fears, pleasures, and slow crawl back to sanity. Readers beware—this is a brutally human story of volatile healing, throbbing with vivid, detailed descriptions of unfiltered emotions, s*xual exploits, and gritty drug experiences. He recalls the euphoria alongside the descent, capturing his powerful—and unsettling—testimony with his own poetry: “She was the great seductress, and she brought me to my knees // A stalking hungry lioness sensing weakness and disease.” For others who may feel as invincible as he did, Lownds fractures the façade with his repeating mantra—“What’s the worst that can happen?”—that beats steadily in the background of his vicious downturn.
There’s a rhythm to Lownds’s writing that keeps readers hooked; it’s not just the jaw-dropping drama and unbelievable characters he crosses paths with, but his resilience that makes an impact. Childhood trauma, success, divorce, mind-blowing s*x, horror accounts, and sensitive musings weave throughout, all contemplated with a crackling sense of humor. This memoir is a palpable admonition that, no matter how dark, the truth really can set you free.
Takeaway: Brutal, unflinching look at indulgence, addiction, and courage.
Comparable Titles: Tiffany Jenkins’s High Achiever, Tracey Helton Mitchell’s The Big Fix.”
