03/08/2024
I have been researching , and filmmaking to recover from violence. Trigger warning for *xualhealing. Recover isn’t always linear. In fact, it felt like a giant mother wound in my womb opened this week with a physiotherapist doing a pelvic release on tight muscles. An acupuncturist treated stress incontinence and endometriosis the day before. I told them both I have been having s*x again, and occasionally it comes with exhilarating pleasure coupled with tears in the toilet post. My nurses have never once asked about my *xualhealth in the entire time they have helped me navigate thru the trauma of . They didn’t complete the process of submitting photos and evidence to the .foundation Patient Relations or the Toronto Police when I accused hospital security of assault/a head injury, under the guise of the Mental Health Act. So, I advocated for myself seemingly alone: over and over and over again. My little graffiti heart cried for the denial of safe, dignified whole body care. ❤️📷 What I forgot was that my camera bore witness to this whole journey from 2020-2023. Around Christmas, Toronto Western Hospital security guards surrounded me during a PTSD flareup caused by neglect over the months and very poor pain control for endometriosis mixed with vulvodynia mixed with injuries from a s*xual assault in 2020. I call all these a series of unfortunate sports injuries, but obviously the psychic wounds are deeper. They live in my body and release when I dance. They ebb and flow. Sometimes, they are blocks that unlock during intimacy and I will cry for seeming no reason when in the same postures as that awful day. Hands up, tied in four point restraints, screaming please don’t hurt me in a place that was formerly a place of sanctity. You see, I am a nurse. I am stuck on the other side of victimology. When I dance, I practice somatic healing. A tight pelvis from traumas or orthopedic injuries can result in a tight jaw. The kinetic chain keeps score.I contract and release: my injured throat opens & I sing to the dark horses. They run at Ngong racecourse into the night!
