06/09/2025
Can women tell me, truthfully, why you have many children?
Let’s not hide behind the usual lines. I want the honest truth. Were you looking for a particular gender? Was it multiple births? Was it because you didn’t know how to say no? Was it a mistake that just kept repeating itself? Were you trying to secure a man or a marriage? Or did you genuinely think this was your only way to matter?
Let’s not lie. Every single time a woman gives birth, she dances with death. Pregnancy is not beans. Labour is war. Yet some of you go through this five, six, seven times like your body is a machine. Why?
Being a woman already means little to no rest. Hehehe. Let’s start from there. Then you add multiple pregnancies, endless diapers, sleepless nights, mental exhaustion, emotional chaos, body breakdown, and still, many of you say it’s “your choice.” But how many of your choices were really born out of freedom? Or were they shaped by fear, pressure, culture, religion, or a deep desire to be seen?
Lolo made a post about how having many children is medically unsafe for women. And I agreed with her. The more births you go through, the closer you get to death. That you survived doesn’t mean others didn’t die. In fact, plenty did.
Statistics don’t lie. Nigeria has one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world. In 2022, adult female mortality stood at 349.87 per 1,000 women. Maternal mortality alone? 576 per 100,000 live births, according to UNICEF. That means a 1 in 22 chance that a Nigerian woman will die from pregnancy, childbirth, or shortly after. And yet, we move like it’s just another day at the market, it’s normal. I’m sure you know atleast one woman who has died while giving birth.
So when Lolo raised these points, instead of introspection, women rushed to the comments, foaming at the mouth, throwing curses, playing the victim, and asking if she came to beg you for food. Emotional blackmail 101.
One comment particularly stood out. I clicked her profile and saw she has five.
Five children!!😮. No wonder she felt triggered
We need to be serious o. We all know pregnancy is a battlefield. So why go back five times? What are you really chasing? This isn’t just about loving kids, this is you making high-risk decisions repeatedly, and even if you survived all five, many women didn’t.
So I’ll keep saying it. Please question your choices. Please.
Ask yourself.
Why do I keep putting myself at risk?
Why do I feel like this is the only way I can be enough?
Is it the fear of a man leaving?
Is it religion telling me that my womb is my greatest asset?
Is it poverty convincing me I need more hands to survive?
Is it society programming me to believe my worth is tied to how many children I can produce?
Is somebody putting me under pressure?
Even if the decision has already been made, there’s still value in reflection. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, your daughter is watching. And if you don’t do the internal work, she’ll repeat your pain with her own body.
Let’s also be real. We all know raising children isn’t a walk in the park, one child can bring you to your knees. The goals you put on hold, the tears you don’t cry out loud, the dreams you shelve, the exhaustion that never leaves. Multiply that by five, six, or more? And yet women continually make these choices? Something is fundamentally wrong.
Let’s stop deceiving ourselves.
You say it’s your choice, your body? Fair. But let’s not act like these choices are sacred and untouchable. Your choices will be questioned, because 9 out of ten times, these choices aren’t rooted in freedom, but in fear, conditioning, and survival.
And let’s not ignore this one. Men benefit from this setup. They extend their lineage. They enjoy s*x, leave you with the burden, and still expect fresh food, s*x, care, and peace while you bleed, break, and bend. Some of these men don’t mind that your body needs to heal. He wants s*x and gets it. He rapes you. You die in silence.
You still carry the weight of childbirth, stay home and pause your dreams. You nurture children while they extend their name and legacy through your body. These children bear his name with no recognition of your own name o
So no, I won’t stay silent. I will ask the hard questions, because today’s “personal choice” becomes tomorrow’s “cultural norm”, and many of those norms keep women locked in cycles of pain.
Let’s stop romanticizing everything a woman does like it came from this place of holy empowerment. Sometimes it’s trauma. Sometimes it’s pressure. Sometimes it’s not knowing better. And that’s okay, if you’re willing to be honest about it. Because choices are not pure, choices are influenced.
And as long as I breathe, I will question choices that break women, silently or loudly. So while you’re out there saying it’s your choice to have twelve children, just make sure that choice didn’t come from pain, poverty, pressure, patriarchy, or a man who had no business being a father.
Stop handing men the privilege of fatherhood when they haven’t earned it, because in the end, it’s still you who will stay back, raise them, break yourself, pause your dreams, and pray not to die trying.
Ire o!
