14/06/2026
I want to tell you about the day I learned what true greatness actually looks like — and it had nothing to do with awards, or titles, or fame.
It was 1997. I was a graduate student — a very junior, very unknown one — studying at a Jesuit school of theology in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I had just finished writing a book about my two years working with refugees in the slums of Nairobi, Kenya. Exhausted, hopeful, and honestly a little lost about what came next, I was trying to figure out how to give this book a fighting chance.
A friend made a suggestion that made me laugh: "Why don't you ask Robert Coles to write the foreword?"
Robert Coles. The Robert Coles. Harvard professor. Pulitzer Prize-winning author. One of the most respected voices in American psychiatry and literature. A man who had spent his entire career listening to the suffering of children and the poor, and writing about it with more compassion and clarity than almost anyone alive.
Ask him? I didn't know him. He certainly didn't know me. I was a graduate student with a manuscript and nothing else to offer. The idea seemed not just unlikely — it seemed absurd.
But I sent the letter anyway.
Within days, I had a reply. He would love to read it. Send it along.
I sent the manuscript, half expecting it to disappear into a pile on some desk. Instead, within a few days — a few days — a beautifully written, penetrating foreword arrived. Not something dashed off as a favor. Something thoughtful, generous, and alive. The kind of foreword that made my publisher's eyes go wide with delight. The kind that meant the book would actually be seen by people. That book was eventually published as "This Our Exile," and the foreword that changed its fate was written by a man who had no obligation to help me at all.
But that's not even the part of the story I think about most.
In the note that accompanied the foreword, Professor Coles mentioned that his home was in Concord, just a few miles away, and that he'd love to invite me for lunch. Could I come?
I borrowed a car from the Jesuit community and drove to Concord without knowing what to expect.
He met me in the driveway.
Not an assistant. Not a colleague. Him. This giant of American letters, in his driveway, waiting for a grad student he'd met through a cold letter.
He wanted to go to his favorite local deli. When we walked in, every person behind the counter lit up. "Hello, Professor!" They knew him by name. He knew them too, the way you know people you actually see, not just people you pass.
We brought our sandwiches back to his house. He showed me around, unhurried and warm, and then we sat at his kitchen table.
What followed was two of the most remarkable hours of my life.
He talked about Jesus. About the Gospels. About Dorothy Day, the Catholic social activist he deeply admired and had written about. He talked about what it truly means to sit with people in pain — not to fix them, not to study them, but to be with them. He had spent decades doing exactly that, with children caught in the fires of poverty and segregation, and he spoke about it not with the authority of an expert but with the humility of a student.
I was twenty-something years old. I had nothing to give him in return. No connections, no platform, no influence. I couldn't advance his career or his reputation. And yet he gave me two full hours — generous, unhurried, genuine hours — of his time and his mind and his heart.
That is what I have thought about ever since, every time I've wondered whether a truly great person could also be truly good: sometimes the answer is yes.
Robert Coles died this week at the age of 97. He won a Pulitzer Prize. He shaped the way a generation of Americans thought about children, suffering, and justice. He was celebrated by presidents and universities and institutions.
But what I will remember most is a kitchen table in Concord, a sandwich from a deli where everyone knew his name, and a man who thought nothing of giving his best hours to someone who could offer him nothing but gratitude.
The world is quieter without him.
Rest in peace, Robert Coles. And thank you.