Cosmic Mama Lifestyle

19/09/2026

Over the last few years, I’ve started again more times than I can count.
I questioned myself, changed direction and wondered where the hell I was going.
But through all of it, one thing never really left me.
Filmmaking. 🎬
And now, at 51, I’m back in Berlin shooting another feature film as a cinematographer.
Still learning. Still evolving. But finally trusting myself and the path I’m on.
I’m a filmmaker. I always was.
And it feels really fu***ng good to be back. ❤️🎬

18/09/2026

I’ve started again more times than I ever imagined I would.
Especially over the last few years.
I changed direction. Tried different things. Questioned myself. Let things go. Started over. And sometimes wondered why everyone else seemed to know where they were going while I was still figuring it out.
For a long time, I thought that meant I was lost.
Now I see it differently.
Every time I started again, I learned something about myself.
What matters to me.
What doesn’t.
What I’m willing to compromise on.
What I’m not.
What makes me feel alive.
And somehow, through all those different versions of myself, I found my way back to the things that were there all along:
Creativity. Freedom. Filmmaking. Being unapologetically me.
Maybe finding yourself isn’t one big moment.
Maybe sometimes you have to get a little lost, start again — more than once — and slowly discover what remains.
And I think I finally know who I am. ❤️

17/09/2026

Coming back to Berlin has been strangely emotional.
I’m happy to be here. I’m nostalgic.

And I’m remembering parts of myself I’d almost forgotten.

When I was 13 or 14, I was surrounded by this incredible mix — skaters, graffiti, hip hop, hardcore, drum & bass, house, soul, jazz…

It was rebellious, creative, messy — and it shaped me.
Berlin gave me so much of who I am.

Being at today brought all of that flooding back.

But coming back has also made me realise something:
I love Berlin, but it isn’t home anymore.

I left because I wanted to explore another version of myself. I wanted to create, make films, express myself and see where life would take me.

And standing here all these years later, I understand that decision a little more.

You can love where you came from without needing to go back.

Some places are part of your roots.
They don’t have to be your destination. ❤️

20/08/2026

Yesterday I told you I’m going to make my first feature film.

So today I thought I’d tell you a little bit about why it’s a road movie. 🎬

I’ve travelled through Europe by myself many times, and there’s something about being on the road that I absolutely love.

The freedom of it.
Watching the landscape slowly change.
Stopping somewhere simply because it looks beautiful.
Meeting people you would never have met if you’d flown from A to B.

Sometimes getting lost.

Sometimes changing your plans completely.

And sometimes discovering something you weren’t even looking for.

I think that’s why road movies have always fascinated me.

Because really, they’re not about getting somewhere.

They’re about what happens to us along the way.

And that’s very much at the heart of the film I’m writing.

I can't tell you everything yet… 😉
But I can take you with me while I build it.

So here we go. 🎬❤️

19/08/2026

I haven’t figured everything out.

But I finally know what I want.

I’m developing my first feature film, applying for development funding and taking this seriously — not as something I’ll do “one day”, but something I’m doing now. 🎬

Is it going to be easy? Probably not.

Do I know exactly how I’m going to make it happen? Nope. 😂

But for the first time in a very long time, what I’m doing feels completely aligned with who I am.

I’m a filmmaker. This is what makes me come alive.

So I’m going to document the whole journey — developing the script, building the team, funding, locations, cinematography, the mistakes, the wins and everything in between.

And if you want more of the filmmaking side of my world, I’m sharing more behind the scenes over on my personal Instagram . 🎥

Maybe I’m delusional.

Or maybe this is exactly how things begin. ❤️

18/08/2026

Two years ago, I started an online business.
I was completely lost.
I tried things.
I stopped.
I started again.
And I never really understood where it fitted into my life.
Now I do.
I don't want an online business to be my dream.
I want it to help fund the freedom to pursue my dream. 🎬

17/08/2026

17/08/2026

I’m back. 🎬

The last few weeks didn’t quite go the way I thought they would.

But sometimes the thing that doesn’t work out is exactly what makes you realise what you’re capable of.

So I’ve made a decision.

I’m developing my own feature film.

I’m working on the script, applying for development funding, putting the pieces together — and this time, I’m going to share the real journey with you.

Not just the beautiful bits.

The ideas. The doubts. The funding. The setbacks. The people I meet. The tiny wins. And hopefully, eventually… the moment we call ACTION.

At 51, I’m done waiting until I feel completely ready.

I’m betting on myself.

One scene at a time. 🎬❤️

16/08/2026

I’ve spent a lot of my life doubting myself.
I’ve believed in other people’s visions, helped build their projects, given everything I had — and somewhere along the way, I didn’t always give that same belief to myself.
The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult. I trusted someone I’ve known for many years, put an enormous amount of myself into helping bring a film together, and ultimately, I was let down.
But something important came out of it.
I realised how much I was actually capable of.
If I can put that much energy, love, determination and work into someone else’s dream… why am I still questioning whether I can do it for my own?
So at 51, as a mum and a filmmaker, I think this is my wake-up call.
Not to become someone different.
Not to prove anything to anyone.
Just to finally trust myself.
I’m developing my own film now. My story. My vision. And I’m going to take you with me through the whole journey — starting right here. 🎬❤️

16/08/2026

Sometimes the project that falls apart
shows you what you're capable of.

I helped pull 70% of a feature film together.

And somewhere in that chaos, I realised…
I’m ready to make my own.

My story.
My vision.
My film.

I’m applying for development funding now.
And this time, I’m taking you with me.

From the very beginning. 🎬

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