Bristol's Home For The Permanently Bewildered

08/04/2020

Please remember...Turnip soup tastes better than non turnip soup.

09/05/2018

Please remember... jealousy breeds the Mind Worms and anger heats the Gamps...be careful out there!

21/04/2018

It is with regret that we must cancel all stoat based treatments for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately Jeremy, our resident stoat, has undergone some kind of psychotic episode and now believes himself to be one of the Nolan sisters. He was caught trying to post himself to the ITV studios in order to take part in a television program entitled 'Life with the Nolans'. He is now undergoing a deep tissue massage to expel the psychosis. We hope that he will be better soon and treatments can recommence. We can offer you a weasel based treatment as a replacement and we are offering two treatments for the price of three by way of an apology. Let us know how you wish to proceed.

11/04/2018

News Flash!!!! We had a royal visitor today. HRH Prince Phillip made a surprise visit with a view to giving the home his royal patronage. We offered him a free treatment but it soon became apparent that there was very little we could do for him. He clearly obtained the optimum level of bewilderment many years ago . This became very obvious when, shortly after arriving, he began to serenade a small patch of moss with songs from the Sound of Music. What an excellent example of blissful bewilderment! Hope he pays another visit soon. Don't forget it's only 10 groats per stoat based treatment, or only 5 if you would prefer a weasel. Long live the King!

04/04/2018

Update: The man involved in the recent beard knitting incident has been caught, less than a mile away, following a successful SAS operation. He was found in Truscot Wood attempting to peel an oak tree with a cheese knife and wearing nothing but a leather eye patch. Everyone can now sleep safely once again. Thank you to the armed forces for catching this individual.
Remember treatments are still available for a modest fee...contact us so that we can help you on your way to blissful bewilderment.

01/04/2018

Thank you to everyone that turned up today. Hope you all had a great time! We would just like to apologise for the incident following the lookalike competition. A man who cannot be named for legal reasons was upset at coming runner up and tried to knit an entire RAF uniform using the winner's beard whilst she was still wearing it. Mrs Chesny Hide was unhurt in the incident, however the man escaped the police tactical unit that was sent to arrest him. He was last seen jumping the electric fence and screaming that revenge will be his. We will keep you posted. Just remember if he had been a little more bewildered this would never have happened. Due to this incident everyone who visited today is entitled to a free stoat based treatment as a way of an apology. Hope to see you again soon.

31/03/2018

Don't forget... this Sunday we celebrate the founding of the home by Lord Montacute- Smythe-Smythe-Smythe-Smythe. Please come along at 2.33pm in your best Rumpelstiltskin outfit. A competition will be held and the best lookalike will win a free treatment. Just remember the rules if you wish to enter:
1. All beards must be edible
2. False noses must be fruit based.
3. You must be alive.
4. No prancing in the forecourt.
5. No keening.
Come along and bring the family for a fun afternoon. Look forward to seeing you!

31/03/2018

If you are feeling slightly bemused or confused then why not consider permanent bewilderment? Just contact us to arrange a visit and be amazed at the treatments on offer. Come for a few weeks and if we assess that you have reached optimum bewilderment, we can offer you a permanent place in the home. Three cheese based meals a day and as much Dandelion wine as you can drink. What is not to like? Don't miss out on our current special offer...just 10 groats for your first visit with a free treatment thrown in (stoat included).

30/03/2018