Illuminating Loss

15/07/2026

The Years You Didn’t See - The Preparation Was Part Of The Purpose

Today I spent almost four hours doing something that has unexpectedly become one of the most healing parts of this journey.

I've been using voice transcription to digitise my journals from 2025. In just one afternoon, I managed to transcribe around six weeks of writing.

As I read through those pages, I found myself smiling. Crying. Nodding. Remembering.

I wrote those words only a year and a half ago, yet I can already see things I couldn't see at the time. I can see healing. I can see surrender. I can see God gently preparing me.

One thing really struck me today.

For almost nine years I've been faithfully recording this journey. Journal after journal. Notebook after notebook. Reflections, prayers, questions, breakthroughs... all of it.

I didn't know exactly what I was preparing for when I started, but I knew I had to keep writing.

Looking back now, I realise I wasn't waiting.

I was preparing.

And now, as I read it all again, I can see that these journals aren't just a record of my life. They're the foundations of the work I've always felt called to share.

I'll always continue writing about everyday life because that's where I find God, healing and hope. But these journals have reminded me that the years I spent quietly becoming weren't hidden years at all.

They were part of the purpose.

So if you've ever wondered where I've been... this is part of the answer.

And I think I'm finally ready to begin sharing what these years have taught me.

16/06/2026

My darling Rhiannon,

Today you are 26 years old.

I had the privilege of spending 13 birthdays with you here on earth, and now you have spent 13 birthdays with God. There is still a part of me that struggles to believe those numbers are equal.

Sometimes I imagine what the last 13 years would have looked like if you were still here. I wonder who you would have become. I wonder what we would be doing today. But I don't stay there for too long, because I know you do live on. You live on in my heart, in the lives you touched, and in every story I share about you.

Since losing you, it has been hard at times to find the woman that I was when you were here. So much loss arrived that, at times, I felt as though it had broken me. Yet somehow love remained. Love for you remained. And that love has continued to guide me forward, even when I could not see the path ahead.

So today, perhaps I can ask you for a birthday gift.

Help me find the courage to share our story fully. Help me find the words that reach the people who need them. Help me make meaning from your life and mine, not only for us, but for others who are trying to find their way through loss.

The world is carrying so much loss right now. If there is something you came here to teach me, and something I am meant to share because of loving you, help me recognise it.

Your life changed me forever. Your love continues to change me still.

Happy Birthday, my beautiful girl.

I love you up a sky and down

Mummy ❤️🙏💪x

28/11/2024

27/11/2024

Grief and Loss

There are so many different types of loss. Believe it or not, there are 16 different types. Many of which I have experienced.

This photo was the last Christmas that Rhiannon could see (she lost her sight shortly after this). This is the last year that I truly enjoyed the joy of Christmas.

This time of year is extremely difficult when it comes to remembering our loved ones who are no longer with us.

With gratitude I hold on to, that cannot be taken from, my memories. I remember this day like it was yesterday.

Rhiannon experienced what is called chronic loss. Every day, she faced loss and smiled in spite of it.

What a teacher I had!

Her middle name should have been 'resilience'. I had never seen a child who could fall flat on her face 100 times a day and get up and laugh in the face of it.
The suffering that we experience when we are grieving is excruciating at times. However, it doesn't have to stop you.
Fall down 7 stand up 8....a wee quote that I have had on my fridge for the past 5 years. That's all you have to remember, grief and loss can bring us to our knees, but all you have to do is get up one more time than you fall down.
I'm so excited to bring my new plans to you all in the new year to speak about facing adversity and living with grief and loss as a result.
For now, I will leave you all with this beautiful 😍 photo of my warrior princess, my teacher, my mentor, my purpose, my joy, my reason for existing Miss Rhiannon Bates. 😇🙏💪♥️

26/11/2024

This is for anyone living with any type of chronic physical/emotional/mental pain. This book is a must read. It's a Christian book but anyone could read it and take a massive amount away from it. It has been a life saver for me at times 💪♥️🙏xx

10/10/2024

Amen to that 🙏 🙌 ❤️