Mind Before Muscle

16/09/2026

Speaking about abuse can make people uncomfortable.

Sometimes the survivor gets called bitter, dramatic, attention-seeking or told to “move on” — while the behaviour that caused the damage is barely questioned.

That is backwards.

You do not have to hate anyone to tell the truth about what happened to you.

You do not have to stay silent to protect somebody else’s reputation.

And speaking about harm is not the same as causing it.

The problem is not that survivors speak. The problem is when harmful behaviour is easier to excuse than uncomfortable truth is to hear.

15/09/2026

A father who walked away and a father who was pushed out are not the same thing.

One may have chosen absence.

The other may still be sending messages, attending court, asking for contact, keeping the door open and trying to rebuild a relationship with his child.

Before calling a dad “absent,” ask whether he actually chose to leave.

Sometimes the distance isn’t proof he stopped caring. It’s proof he’s still fighting to get back.

15/09/2026

This is not a new income threshold for who has to pay child maintenance. It is a change to how much your income has to rise or fall before CMS will recalculate your maintenance between annual reviews.

At the moment, CMS normally uses income supplied by HMRC, usually based on the latest available tax-year information. If your current income changes, CMS generally will not replace that historic figure unless the difference is at least 25%.

The Government wants to reduce that 25% tolerance to 15%.

So the important thing is that it works in both directions.

If someone’s income falls substantially, they would potentially be able to get their maintenance reduced sooner. If their income increases substantially, the receiving parent could potentially get the maintenance increased sooner.

This is particularly important for people with commission or variable earnings

This is where the reform could become quite relevant.

Imagine someone’s CMS assessment is based on a tax year where they happened to have a couple of unusually good commission months. CMS might calculate their liability using, say, £48,000, even though their more representative current annual income is £39,000.

Under today’s 25% rule, that is not normally enough to get CMS to switch to current income. The person can therefore end up paying maintenance based on an income substantially higher than they’re actually earning.

Under the proposed 15% rule, an 18.75% difference would cross the tolerance and CMS could potentially base the assessment on the lower current income instead.

Conversely, someone assessed at £39,000 whose current earnings rise sufficiently could have their assessment increased sooner.

That’s essentially what Andrew Western means by making assessments respond more quickly to changes in people’s financial circumstances.

There’s another significant proposed change

The Government also intends to bring unearned income into the normal CMS calculation.

That can include things such as:

* rental/property income;
* dividends;
* interest from savings or investments.

Currently, these types of income can sometimes be brought into a CMS assessment through the variation process. For example, current rules can allow a variation for certain unearned income of at least £2,500 a year.

The proposed system would bring unearned income into the standard calculation, rather than necessarily requiring the other parent to identify it and request a variation. The exact mechanics still have to be set out in legislation.

The really important caveat

Nothing has changed to the 25% rule yet.

On 8 September 2026, the Government specifically confirmed that changing the threshold from 25% to 15% requires legislation and Parliamentary approval, and that an implementation plan is still being developed.

So if somebody contacted CMS today and said:

“My income has fallen by 18%, therefore you have to recalculate it because the threshold is now 15%.”

CMS could correctly say no — the existing 25% rule still applies.

The 15% figure is currently a Government commitment/proposal, not yet the operative CMS rule.

And one other thing: the normal annual review isn’t disappearing. CMS will still review calculations annually; the 15% proposal primarily makes it easier for significant income changes to be recognised between those annual reviews.

Given the issue you’ve previously described with CMS using unusually high commission months to assess income, this particular reform could be quite significant in cases involving fluctuating earnings, because a 15% tolerance is much easier to cross than 25%.

14/09/2026

Through everything life has thrown at me, having someone beside me who chooses to stay, listen, support and love me means more than I can put into words.

This is simply a thank you to my wife — for the patience, the strength, the reassurance, and for standing beside me through the difficult days as well as the good ones.

Sometimes love isn’t about grand gestures. Sometimes it’s knowing that when life gets heavy, you’re not carrying it alone.

Thank you for being my person, my peace and my home. ❤️

13/09/2026

13/09/2026

Family court isn’t just emotionally draining — it can become financially overwhelming too.

As of 2026, the official court fee for a new Children Act application such as a C100 for a Child Arrangements Order is £270. An enforcement application is also £270, while other applications made during existing proceedings can attract additional fees.

Then add mediation, solicitor preparation, barrister attendance, statements, evidence, further applications and repeated hearings — and the overall cost can quickly run into thousands. A MIAM alone is commonly around £120 per person, although providers vary.

And that’s before you put a price on the stress, lost sleep, time away from work and emotional impact on the whole family.

This series is about awareness, not suggesting every case costs the same. Private legal fees vary enormously depending on the professionals used, complexity of the case and how long proceedings continue.

Children should never become a financial battleground.

Know the process. Know the costs. Know your options.

13/09/2026

HAVE THE HARD CONVERSATION

Avoiding an uncomfortable conversation might give you peace for today.

But sometimes it creates a much bigger problem tomorrow.

Difficult conversations can be frightening because we risk disagreement, rejection or hearing something we don’t want to hear.

But honesty handled with respect can prevent years of resentment and misunderstanding.

Say what needs to be said.

Then make sure you’re willing to listen too.

Short-term discomfort can sometimes create long-term peace.

13/09/2026

Sometimes You Need to Say What You’ve Been Holding In

My toxic trait?

Wanting to confront the person who hurt me, explain exactly what their behaviour did, and keep talking until everything I’ve bottled up finally comes out.

But here’s the lesson I’ve learned:

Not everyone is capable of giving you the accountability, understanding, or apology you’re looking for.

Sometimes confronting them gives you closure.

Sometimes it just gives them another opportunity to dismiss, deflect, or rewrite the story.

Say what you need to say when it’s healthy and safe — but don’t make your healing dependent on their response.

10/09/2026

10/09/2026

This is a great informative video. I guess it goes both ways although proving that there is alienating behaviour/child abuse occurring is first and foremost the most difficult thing to do and also if it is the resident parent that’s doing this the advice given in this video I don’t think truly helps as more often than not it’s a mother that has the children and for my experience the mother who is bad mouthing.