Angry People in Local Newspapers

18/12/2025

Latest from the life of Man Hit In The Groin By Police Baton Round, chinny reckon.

Spotter: Thelma

Man who claimed electronic monitoring tag was damaged by a dog is to contest the case

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A man has pleaded not guilty to causing criminal damage to an electronic bail monitoring tag, claiming it was damaged by a dog.

Curtis Dunlop (23), of Pinegrove Park in Ballymena, is charged in relation to October 16.

On Thursday the defendant appeared at Ballymena Magistrates' Court via video link from prison.

The case was adjourned to January 13 for a contest.

A defence barrister told an earlier sitting of Ballymena Magistrates' Court the defendant "blames it on" a dog.

Also at that court, Dunlop told District Judge Nigel Broderick the dog "chewed" the tag and then said it was "ripped" by the dog.

The defendant said the dog got "hold of it because I was wiggling it. He got hold of it. I tried to rip it away and it ripped the tag".

He had the monitoring tag fitted after being charged with riotous assembly' in Ballymena in connection to June 11 this year.

At Antrim Crown Court earlier this month he pleaded guilty to that charge. He was remanded in custody and sentencing was adjourned to February 3 next year for a pre-sentence report.

A previous court heard he was struck in the groin with a police baton round during disorder in the town.

A police officer said when the PSNI spoke to the defendant that night "his sp*ech was slurred and he was making reference to having been 'shot in the testicles'. During the disorder it appears this male has been struck by an AEP baton round and he had an injury consistent with being struck by baton rounds".

18/12/2025

As far as I can tell from the evidence provided (for eg, you being soaking wet, and a man standing next to the diver), you had actually flagged down what’s known in the trade as a “submarine”. Submarines are not generally known for dropping people at the shops.

Spotter: Matt

I want to make a complaint about Bluestar Number 11 bus not giving a proper service to the public.

18/12/2025

“Can you point at the lock while also looking desperate for a p*e?”

Spotter: Alison

A grandmother is calling on the council and Festival Place to reopen public toilets which have been closed for years.

18/12/2025

You guys can stop sending this one in now.

Spotter: Everybody

A Dunfermline man says ScotRail has not dealt with suspected human faeces at Rosyth train station, despite his complaints a month ago

18/12/2025

FAKEY NEWS CORNER, possibly.

Sam Beckett Leaps Into Kevin McCloud’s Body to Save Couple From Mill Renovation

Residents of Rochdale were left confused but quietly relieved this week after a man claiming to be Kevin McCloud successfully persuaded a middle-class couple to abandon plans to renovate a disused mill, later revealing himself to be time-travelling physicist Sam Beckett.

Witnesses say the incident began normally enough, with McCloud arriving on site in his customary black coat and speaking in hushed, reverential tones about “the honesty of the structure” and “the ghosts of industry”. However, it soon became clear that something was off.

“Normally he’s very encouraging,” said one local. “This time he just kept muttering ‘Oh boy’ and asking if anyone had checked the drains.”

According to sources, the couple — described as “very nice, but dangerously optimistic” — had planned to convert the 19th-century mill into a four-bedroom family home with a mezzanine, underfloor heating, and what they referred to as a “light industrial aesthetic”.

Speaking directly to them, McCloud suddenly changed tack.

“This building does not want to be loved,” he told the couple. “It wants to be tolerated from a distance. You will spend £300,000 before you realise the damp has won.”

He then reportedly listed a series of future events including endless planning meetings, a lime mortar specialist who only communicates by voicemail, and a heating system that “will never function in the way you understand heat”.

At this point, an unseen individual identified only as “Al” was observed gesturing urgently at McCloud while passers-by looked on.

McCloud went on to explain that Ziggy, a computer “with a confidence level of 94 per cent”, had determined the renovation would end with the couple living in a caravan on site while arguing about window frames.

The couple were said to be shaken, particularly when McCloud accurately predicted they would at some point say the words: “We didn’t realise it would be this complicated.”

After a long pause, they agreed to withdraw their application, later purchasing what friends described as “a perfectly nice Edwardian semi” elsewhere.

Moments after the decision, McCloud reportedly froze, stared into the middle distance, and said: “My God… I’ve leapt again,” before returning to his usual self and expressing mild disappointment that “such a brave project” would not be going ahead.

The mill remains untouched.
Planning officers have described this as “for the best”.

18/12/2025

I see your problem: You foolishly believed that Parking Bastard™️ aren’t a complete clown show.

Spotter: Jools

A Southampton man is demanding answers after repeatedly being accused of using a city car park for far longer than he actually did

18/12/2025

Someone post that John Peel photo cheers

Spotter: Rich

Delays dragged on for months

17/12/2025

Needs photos of Alan Shearer pointing at a pile of s**t, but here we go.

Spotter: Steve

Losing a derby is painful but it's never the end of the world - as some Newcastle United greats will tell you

17/12/2025

“Who are you, and how did you get in here?”
“I’m a locksmith, and I’m a locksmith”

Spotter: Andy

Sam Kavanagh says he has also faced "abuse and intimidation" from some customers.

17/12/2025

Dun a firm one, am I right?!

A Dunfermline man says ScotRail has not dealt with suspected human faeces at Rosyth train station, despite his complaints a month ago

17/12/2025

As someone who no longer writes the news, I can tell you how difficult it is to craft a story with scant information such as this one. I went the extra mile to work the figures and can tell you that 11.9% of this story are the words “stuck in a drain”.

Spotter: Stephen

Fire crews were sent to help after reports of 'several people stuck in a drain'.

17/12/2025

At last, we’ve got to (oh-ho!) the BOTTOM of what causes crime: Going to the toilet.

Spotter: Lars