19/11/2025
How to Manage and Truly Support Boys
Managing boys isn’t about keeping them under control — it’s about understanding how they think, feel, and behave, and giving them the tools to succeed. When boys feel safe, respected, and connected, their behaviour almost always improves.
Here is a suggestion on how to guide and support our boys effectively.
1. Clear, Simple Instructions (Not Long Talks!)
Many boys process information quickly but not always deeply. Long explanations can overwhelm them.
👉Short, direct instructions
👉 Visual cues
👉 Step-by-step tasks
Instead of:
“I’ve told you several times to tidy your room, but you’re not listening and…”
Try:
“Step 1: Clothes in the basket.
Step 2: Books on the shelf.”
Clarity reduces anxiety, and structure helps boys succeed before frustration kicks in.
2. Positive Attention Over Correction
Boys often act out when they feel unnoticed. When adults only comment on the negative, boys start to believe that’s how they get attention.
👉Try Praising specific behaviours
👉Notice whwn they make effort
👉Celebrate small wins
Example:
“Great job walking away instead of arguing.”
Positive attention reinforces good behaviour, builds confidence, and reduces power struggles.
3. Movement as Regulation (Not Misbehaviour)
Many boys regulate their emotions through physical activity. Staying still can feel uncomfortable or even distressing.
Try using
👉Fidget tools
👉 Movement breaks
👉 Outdoor time
👉Letting them stand or stretch
Examples:
"Take a quick walk to grab some water.”
“Do 10 star jumps and then come back.”
Physical movement releases tension and resets their brain’s focus pathways.
4. Teach Emotional Language
Young boys may not naturally express emotions verbally. Some express sadness as anger, anxiety as silliness, or frustration as shutdown.
👉Teach them to name their feelings
👉Teach them “body signals”
👉Give them emotional scripts
Examples:
“It looks like you’re frustrated — want to take a breather?”
“Is your body telling you it needs a break?”
When boys can name emotions, they can control them. Emotional literacy reduces meltdowns.
5. Calm, Consistent Boundaries
Boys feel safest when rules are predictable. Emotional reactions from adults can escalate behaviour.
👉Lay out clear expectations
👉Be onsistent with consequences
👉Be Neutral in tone
👉No shouting
Example:
“I know you’re upset. The rule is still the same"
Consistency teaches boys responsibility and emotional control.
6. Connection Before Correction
Boys respond best when they feel respected, understood, and valued.
You must make out time for
👉1:1 time
👉Asking questions instead of lecturing
👉 Acknowledging their feelings
👉 Joining their world (games, interests)
Example:
Before giving instructions, spend 2 minutes talking about something they like:
“Tell me about that game you’re playing.”
Connection activates cooperation. When boys feel bonded, they listen better.
7. Build on Their Strengths
Focusing only on what’s wrong can crush a boy’s confidence. Strengths-based support motivates.
What you should do as a parent is
👉 Identify talents
👉 Celebrate improvements
👉 Provide leadership opportunities
Examples:
A boy who struggles to sit still may excel in tasks requiring energy.
A boy who talks a lot may be a natural leader.
Confidence reduces challenging behaviour. When boys feel good about themselves, they try harder.
8. Model What You Want Them to Learn
Boys imitate what they see more than what they’re told.
👉How calm you are in conflict resolution
👉How you respect yourself and others
👉Your Self-regulation
👉How you handle your responsibility
👉Do you apologise when you are wrong
You are actually a blueprint for your son's behaviour.
9. Provide Purpose, Not Punishment
Boys thrive when they feel useful and valued.
👉Give them clear responsibilities
👉 Include them in decision-making
👉 Offer meaningful jobs
Let them help with tasks rather than sending them away.
Ask their opinion when setting rules.
Purpose builds pride and reduces power struggles.
10. Create Safe Spaces to Talk
Some boys won’t talk directly about feelings — they open up during activities.
Try:
👉Car rides
👉Walks
👉 Playing games
👉 Drawing
👉 Building something together
Side-by-side communication feels safer than face-to-face pressure.
Final Thought: Boys Need Guidance, Not Control
Supporting boys isn’t about managing problems — it’s about building future men who are resilient, emotionally aware, respectful, confident, and kind.
When we understand how boys develop, we can guide them with compassion and strength.
