29/07/2026
I didnโt know what I was going through at the time, but after talking to midwives, my therapist, and health visitor, itโs clear my postpartum depression has returned - and itโs worse than ever.
Itโs just endless silent crying every night and wanting to walk out the door most nights because itโs all got too much.
Maisieโs cries feel so overwhelming that I end up crying too. I feel completely numb; I donโt feel connected to either of my children right now. Iโm not sleeping or eating properly, rushing around constantly without even time to breathe or process Maisieโs birth. Mason is struggling to adjust to being a big brother, and I feel so lost, like Iโm failing them both. ยฎ The postpartum rage is intense this time. On top of that, I couldnโt breastfeed because it felt too much; Maisie wasnโt latching or feeding well, and started losing weight. Her upcoming eye surgery in a couple of weeks is terrifying me.
Now she has a suspected milk allergy, so trying her on special allergy milk so she isnโt in pain less and struggling to go sleep at night; as well as not enjoying her feeds as well.
Yet I cherish every bittersweet first and last moment with Maisie, and every moment with Mason as he grows
I had PPD with Mason, but never this severely.
My CBT therapist and I decided to end sessions after next few as they arenโt helping anymore
-but now the perinatal team is stepping in to help me feel like myself again, alongside TIPS (a parentsโ service) to rebuild my bond with my children. I just want to be the best mum I can be, and Iโm heartbroken to feel this way. I just want to heal, feel like me again, and love them fully.
