SoZ Satire incorporating The Whitechapel Whelk

22/09/2025

In their latest attempt to appear tough on immigration, the government has announced that all detained asylum seekers above the age of twelve will, in the future, be fed a diet consisting entirely of the stringy strips of banana skin that people fastidiously peel off from the fruit before discarding. These fibrous strips, or 'fluffy runners', to give them their biological name, contain small amounts of starch and potassium and very little else, according to nutritionists....

In their latest attempt to appear tough on immigration, the government has announced that all detained asylum seekers above the age of twelve will, in the future, be fed a diet consisting entirely …

16/09/2025

The Google Maps icon, Peg Man, used by travellers as a guide to unfamiliar streets, has told The Whelk that he was accosted in Whitechapel Road by a local woman, since identified as Tracy Dell, from Leman Street, who began fondling his private parts before running off in the direction of Aldgate. Speaking from Google HQ in central London, he told us: 'I was being used by a woman to plot the route from Whitechapel Tube Station to Stepney Green when, without warning, I felt her fingers exploring my body....

The Google Maps icon, Peg Man, used by travellers as a guide to unfamiliar streets, has told The Whelk that he was accosted in Whitechapel Road by a local woman, since identified as Tracy Dell, fro…

08/07/2025

THE VERY WORST OF SOZ SATIRE #367

28/06/2025

THE VERY WORST OF SOZ SATIRE (2017)

25/06/2025

The Very Worst of The Whitechapel Whelk (2016)

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22/05/2025

A 50-year-old Whitechapel woman was last night charged with wounding with intent following a horrific axe attack on her husband. Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Street, allegedly flew into a rage and began hacking at her husband, Toby, after he started talking during the vibrato finale to ELO's hit song, Mr Blue Sky. As she was led away from their home by armed police officers, she continued to berate her husband, shouting: 'He knew that was my favourite bit, the bastard....

A 50-year-old Whitechapel woman was last night charged with wounding with intent following a horrific axe attack on her husband. Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Street, allegedly flew into a ra…

20/05/2025

East London was reeling yesterday following an Israeli air force attack on The Royal London Hospital, Whitechapel, which left many dead and wounded. A spokesperson for the Israeli Defence Force told newsmen: 'Our intelligence had indicated that Hamas fighters were sheltering in the hospital, which made it a legitimate target. 'It's unfortunate if a few non-combatants were killed, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles, I'm afraid'...

East London was reeling yesterday following an Israeli air force attack on The Royal London Hospital, Whitechapel, which left many dead and wounded. A spokesperson for the Israeli Defence Force tol…

03/05/2025

Mr Dell's dog pictured putting a brave face on it last night An East London man has been arrested on suspicion of murder after he reported finding a twelfth dead body in a week while out walking his dog Toby Dell, 35, a forklift truck driver from Whitechapel, was yesterday remanded in custody at Horseferry Road magistrates' court and will appear at The Old Bailey in December....

Mr Dell’s dog pictured putting a brave face on it last night An East London man has been arrested on suspicion of murder after he reported finding a twelfth dead body in a week while out walk…

02/05/2025

DEER DAYLY MAYALI WOZ VERRY HAPEE TWO SEE THAT THE REEFORME PARTEE DID VERRY WEL INN THE LOKAL COWNNSEL ELECSHUNS TWODAY!THEYR LEEDER, NI**LE FARRAGE, IS A BOOTEEFUL ANGLE, SENT DARN FRUM HEVEN TWO KEEP AWL THE SOOTIES ART OV OWR WUNDERFUL CUNTREE.NOWW THAT HEE IZ THE GUVERNOR OF AWL THE COWNCELS, ALL THE DARKIES WIL BEE SENT BAK TO THERE OWN CUNTREES WAIR THEY BEELONG!...

DEER DAYLY MAYALI WOZ VERRY HAPEE TWO SEE THAT THE REEFORME PARTEE DID VERRY WEL INN THE LOKAL COWNNSEL ELECSHUNS TWODAY!THEYR LEEDER, NI**LE FARRAGE, IS A BOOTEEFUL ANGLE, SENT DARN FRUM HEVEN TWO…

25/03/2025

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man was celebrating last night after accepting a five-million-pound bid for a stool passed by The Queen Mother in a Buckingham Palace toilet in 1963. Toby Dell, who was working as a sewer man throughout the 1960s, rescued the stool from an outflow pipe leading into The King's Scholar Pond Sewer and took it home where he has kept it in an airtight display case ever since....

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man was celebrating last night after accepting a five-million-pound bid for a stool passed by The Queen Mother in a Buckingham Palace toilet in 1963. Toby Dell, who was wo…

22/03/2025

Evenin' all! Policing a sprawling and diverse city like London can be an extremely demanding and even perilous business, particularly in the current uncertain international political climate. Take last Wednesday for example. We were playing cards in the canteen at the station when we received a shout that a well-known Russian dissident and outspoken opponent of President Putin had been found dead in suspicious circumstances in a local park....

Evenin’ all! Policing a sprawling and diverse city like London can be an extremely demanding and even perilous business, particularly in the current uncertain international political climate.…

18/03/2025

These magnificent lead-weighted boots will ensure that, unlike the late boyband icon, Liam Payne, you will remain sure-footed on any hotel balcony irrespective of how unsteady you are due to alcohol or drugs. Retailing at only £30,000 per pair, these North Korean factory-crafted boots will be the envy of your friends and family alike, especially if they've recently toppled from a balcony....

These magnificent lead-weighted boots will ensure that, unlike the late boyband icon, Liam Payne, you will remain sure-footed on any hotel balcony irrespective of how unsteady you are due to alcoho…