04/07/2024
I got married too young and too fast, and I might be regretting it right now.
I (23f) got married at 20 to my husband (32m) after just one year of being together, and he was my first boyfriend.
In the beginning, everything seemed perfect. I was super excited and 100% sure I was doing the right thing. But now, three years later, I’m starting to realize that maybe it was a mistake. I feel like I was too young to make such a big decision, but that’s on me.
I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know how to proceed with my marriage. We look like the perfect couple on the outside, and my whole family loves him. Frankly, we don’t have many real problems. We rarely fight and cohabitate well enough.
But deep down, I feel like something is wrong. It doesn’t feel right. I feel like being in a relationship with him is holding me back and preventing me from reaching my full potential.
He has no education and keeps working dead-end jobs. I've done more career-wise in the last two years than he has in the last ten. I've always been the main provider since we met when I was 19.
Despite that, he’s the sweetest guy ever, and I have a lot of fun hanging out with him, but something doesn’t feel right.
From the beginning, I knew I would be the more ambitious one, and I had no problem (and still don’t) paying the rent, bills, food, and whatever else needs to be taken care of. I’m not worried that he won’t progress career-wise; I’m more worried that staying with him will make me turn into him.
I support him fully. Every few months, he gets a new hobby or business idea, and I keep paying for most things so he can invest his money in supplies. So far, nothing has come of it. We just have a lot of random stuff at home. Right now, it's perfume making; before that, it was computer repair, and so on.
The main reason I'm thinking of separation and why I went to stay with a friend for two weeks is that he's not supporting me mentally. We are both making each other worse, and it’s affecting my career and studies.
I've struggled with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and addiction since I was very young. I wanted to start therapy over the years, but he was opposed to it, saying, "You're fine, you're not that bad, you don't need help."
I finally started therapy in December (also taking meds), and he was super opposed to it, saying it would change me as a person, make me love him less, and other stuff like that.
I've asked him to stop doing things that trigger me, like smoking w**d right beside me, and he keeps saying that's on me and I should make my own choice not to smoke with him. I also asked him to help with the cleaning during my depression episodes, and he doesn't because "if you're not doing anything, why should I?"
He has not been abusive or controlling towards me. This is my first relationship, and I have nothing to compare it to. I always feel like I’m asking too much of him and should be grateful for whatever he offers me.
I haven’t been sober more than two days in a row since January, and after spending some time alone, without him, being sober, I started realizing that maybe something is wrong and it would be better for me to be alone than with him.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you handle it? I really need some advice and support right now.
