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Fake Tears, Newcastle upon Tyne (2025)

09/09/2018

Greetings and salutations!

Just a quick reminder - even with new zines coming down the pipe, you can still pick up
your issue of "Anxiety" entirely hassle-free - just drop us a message and we'll take care of the rest!

08/09/2018

Fake Tears proudly presents Emilkuje - the newest addition to our art team.

Emilia did a brilliant job at bringing "Bloodspitting" (our newest collection of poems) to life in daring colour and with digital precision!
Stay tuned to see more of her beautiful work!

21/08/2018

Salutations!

The colouring book is coming along nicely.
Here is a sneak peek at some of the goodies; all for you to crayon and paint all over.

08/08/2018

New envelopes and colouring cards are well underway as is more twisted poetry!

If you'd like to pick up a copy of 'anxiety', just swing us a message!

17/07/2018

Ho, ho, ho!
Copies of the first zine are up for grabs in Newcastle with Wrocław soon to follow!
For now just send us a message, or pop by Trillians Newcastle and ask for Malowaniec to get your copy, and expect
a full list of locations to be added soon.

14/07/2018

Tensions are running high as we go through tab after tab while applying some final polish to the zine.
Now, you might be wondering who the people behind the project actually are; we'd prefer to leave that out, but one can't have everything, right?

Agat Barszczewska - editor. Trustworthy and reliable. Chances are you'll never find out what she looks like because she hates humanity. Involved with the Wrocław Wanderers - Quidditch Team. Obsessed with the Hannibal series. Addicted to flat white and her smartphone. Her favourite saying: "It all depends on the printery, not me!".

Agat Barszczewska - redaktor, osoba wiarygodna i godna zaufania. Nie wiem czy dowiecie się jak wygląda bo nienawidzi ludzi. Związana z Wrocław Wanderers - Quidditch Team.Fanatyczka serialu Hannibal. Uzależniona od telefonu i kawy z mlekiem. Jej ulubione powiedzenie brzmi: "To wszystko zależy od drukarni, a nie ode mnie!".

12/07/2018

Tensions are running high as we go through tab after tab while applying some final polish to the zine.
Now, you might be wondering who the people behind the project actually are; we'd prefer to leave that out, but one can't have everything, right?

One thing is certain - our lungs are a artificial as our tears...

Filip Słowiński, that's me. Poet, amateur philosopher and devotee of Martin Heidegger and Thomas Bernhard. It's usually difficult to get through to me, but if you can manage that I'm likely to be all ears; especially if we're talking 1960s cinema. Beyond that I'm just a bad mouth washed with copious amounts of Coke. Welcome to the elite. Welcome to Fake Tears.

Filip Słowiński, to ja, autor poezji, pasjonat Martina Heideggera i Thomasa Bernharda, filozof amator. Ciężko do mnie dotrzeć, ale jeśli się komuś uda potrafię poświecić bardzo dużo uwagi i słuchać tego, co się do mnie mówi. Zwłaszcza jeśli mówi się o filmach z lat 60. Ironiczna niewyparzona gęba i hektolitry cocacoli. Witamy w doborowym towarzystwie. Witamy w Fake Tears.

11/07/2018

Tensions are running high as we go through tab after tab while applying some final polish to the zine.
Now, you might be wondering who the people behind the project actually are; we'd prefer to leave that out, but one can't have everything, right?

One thing is certain - our lungs are a artificial as our tears...

Filip Stasiewicz - writer, translator and the resident cynic. Smells of whiskey. I bet some of his poems will feel like red wine spilled all over white tablecloth. Into WWII, the X-Files and all things Lovecraft. Fhtagn.

Filip Stasiewicz - tłumacz, autor i cynicznie nastawiony do rzeczywistości typ. Śmierdzi whiskey. Założę się, że kilka jego wierszy będzie miało odcień plamy po czerwonym winie na białym obrusie. Człowiek o olbrzymiej wiedzy o II Wojnie Światowej i wieloletni pasjonat Lovecrafta i Archiwum X. Fhtagn.

10/07/2018

Tensions are running high as we go through tab after tab while applying some final polish to the zine.
Now, you might be wondering who the people behind the project actually are; we'd prefer to leave that out, but one can't have everything, right?
One thing is certain - our lungs are a artificial as our tears...

Paulina Malowaniec - illustrator, painter and the founder of Fake Tears. A true Wrocław aristocrat, she often spends her days squatting in pubs looking down on everyone and everything. Apparently that's what inspires her to keep conjuring an ever growing cast of disturbing shapes and characters. Well known for her constant whinging, she also despises her own nose for some reason. That being said, her singular focus as of late has been Fake Tears and the projects we have lined up.

Paulina Malowaniec - założycielka fake tears, ilustratorka i malarka pochodząca z Wrocławia. Osoba o arystokratycznym sposobie bycia. Często przesiaduje w knajpach do oporu obrzucając otoczenie swoimi najbardziej urokliwie pogardliwymi spojrzeniami. Potrafi czerpać z tego inspiracje do przelewania na papier kolejnych ekscentrycznych postaci i kształtów. Okropnie dużo narzeka i nie cierpi swojego nosa. Przy całej tej litanii pociągających cech osoba bardzo skoncentrowana na calej liście projektów, które mamy dla was w zanadrzu.

03/07/2018

Malowaniec strikes again! This time with the cover piece, still fresh! If you can't wait to get your hands on it, we have some good news - all that remains is to smooth out the translation and we can print away!

Okładka od Malowaniec jeszcze gorąca. Przed nami ostatnie szlify tłumaczeń i już wkrótce będziecie mogli poczuć nas w swoich rękach!

02/07/2018

If you are anything like us you must be getting anxious by now. Fear not - the cover piece for the first zine is almost ready! The title will be coming soon.

Wiemy, że czekacie niecierpliwie, dlatego pragniemy poinformować, że okładka do naszego zina jest już prawie skończona. Tytuł jeszcze przez chwilę pozostanie naszą tajemnicą.

29/06/2018

This is a WIP, but we're on it and we're geting there! The big reveal is only three weeks away and we'll be dropping some
really good stuff both in Newcastle and in Wrocław. Stay tuned!

Praca wre i wielkimi krokami zbliżamy się do debiutu! Przed nami jeszcze trzy tygodnie wytężonej gimnastyki, a potem we Wrocławiu i w Newcastle, jako w niebie - tak i na ziemi - rozebrzmią fanfary!
Bądźcie z nami!

26/06/2018

Following years of stagnation and severe depression, we - Malowaniec and Filip Słowiński, with the aid of some people whose names we won't be divulging just yet, have decided to help you get in some culture. Ready, or not - here we come! Mixing together some custom recipes we're preparing quite a dish for you and it's all fat.
Drink, share and eat of it while we cry your tears for you!
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Malowaniec i Filip Słowiński przy wsparciu i zaangażowaniu kilku osoób, których danych jeszcze nie zdradzamy postanowili po latach stagnacji i depresji zacząć was kochane miśki ukulturalniać. Łącząc wspólne przepisy szykujemy kaloryczną bombę dla waszych smutnych duszyczek.
Czekajcie, udostępniajcie i jedzcie z tego wszyscy. Łzy nasze zostaną za was wylane!

Fake Tears