08/12/2025
Blog post
TW: death, cancer, grief, suicidal thoughts.
I am no stranger to grief-it has been an integral part of my life's journey.
Here's a bit of my personal history:-
It started when I was aged 17 and my Dad suffered a devastating brain haemorrhage.
It took away the majority of his autobiographical memory, meaning he didn't recall most of his life events; he retained just a small cluster of facts (which he repeated) and memory of some people and occasionally their names (with a lot prompting).
He was physically there but psychologically absent. This, I discovered later, was called an 'Ambiguous Loss' and applies to my situation and the reverse; physical absence (imprisoned, estranged, lost) and psychological presence (you still remember them).
This experience led me to appear in two TV documentaries and ultimately graduate in Psychology aged 49.
Over the years I was to experience a different type of grief, Anticipatory Grief, as dementia, breast cancer and brain tumours slowly took my sister, my Mum and my adoptive sister. Then I of course encountered grief for them all when they died, one after the other, in very quick succession, including my Dad.
Grief and loss are universal experiences; something everyone will experience in their lives. Try as we might, we just can't avoid it and are challenged to cope with it as best we can.
Obviously I have experienced other losses too, not just those involving loved ones.
Job loss, relationship breakdown, self-esteem and loss of your dreams for the future for example.
You may have lost your home, your health or a member of your family through estrangement.
These are just a handful of examples; there are so many ways we experience loss and grief.
By now (thanks for sticking with reading so far!), you will have realised that my personal experience of grief and loss is extensive, along with studying and working with it professionally.
I really do understand how it feels. And it does make you feel, a lot, and often when you least expect it.
Enough to make you cry in public. To not want to face people, even family or friends. To wonder what the point of getting out of bed is and doing it anyway. Doing it because you're expected to show up and carry on even though you're walking around feeling like a big piece of you is missing!
So yes I've been there, very often, and for a very long time. And oddly enough, I'm quite glad about that; because I know I can help others with it.
Also, it may surprise you to know that in loss there is sadness but there can also be joy, worry but also relief, confusion but also understanding.
There is a life for you after loss (it looks different, granted) but there will still be good things in it.
Take it from someone who knows.
