15/09/2025
Would you continue to play a song if you did not like it? Or would you skip that track to get to a song you do enjoy?
I have officially completed my twelve-month Shamanic Initiation programme and will be starting my second year in just a couple of weeks.
Last Thursday, I should have ventured into the wilderness to spend four days with my beautiful Shamanic sisters.
To find myself.
My truth.
To push my personal boundaries and limits.
And I did find myself.
I remembered.
I saw and walked my path of truth.
But it was not in the wilderness.
It was within me.
In the dark depths of my soul and at the very edges of my body.
And in the softness of my gentle energy.
And what I realised is this: I am not broken. I do not need to prove myself any more.
That truth came to me in the most unexpected way. I was hoovering in the kitchen of my old house, which is over one hundred years old. One of the modern tiles lifted, and underneath was a beautiful old-fashioned original tile. That moment resonated so deeply. It showed me that I do not need to cover myself with modern layers to be acceptable. I only need to dig deep enough to see and accept the wonder and beauty that has always been there. I even tried to put the new tile back in place. But it cracked, refusing to cover up what had been revealed.
It is no coincidence that I am also part way through a twelve-week intuitive deep dive with a trusted friend, a psychic intuitive. This journey has been focused on recognising self-sabotage and learning acceptance of myself. She was the one who helped me see that the thought of an initiation in the wilderness filled me with worry and fear. Because I was going against what I actually needed.
Being a sensitive, empathic, neurodivergent, midlife woman is who I am. I accept and embrace this now.
The biggest lesson of this year has been about boundaries. Pushing them. Defending them. Respecting them. And understanding that just because I can, does not mean I should.
So my initiation was not spent around the fire, sleeping under the stars and being showered with rain. As beautiful and transformative as that could have been.
It was spent in the sanctuary of my home.
Standing strong on my own, without my Shamanic sisters physically beside me. Yet I know they held me remotely and energetically in the circle, and for that I am deeply grateful.
It was spent in my true sovereignty.
Honouring my limits.
Respecting my truth.
With my four-day “home-stylie edition” initiation, I found the gift of balance.
I meditated. I journalled. I walked in nature. I nourished myself with wholesome foods. I also shared wine and chocolate. I laughed with my family and friends. I rested in my soft bed. I floated in a hot tub under the stars and the rain, cocooned in warmth and safety. I worked with herbs in my kitchen, listened to soul-enhancing music, read my books, rummaged for treasures at the local car boot, and curled up with my loved ones to watch a film.
Because life is about balance. Not punishing myself for being imperfect. Not worrying that I am not good enough or acceptable. I am ready to let go of the constraints I hold against myself and others. I am ready to live without constant worry. To live with joy, excitement and acceptance.
And that also means I no longer have to tolerate or be around those who do not align with me energetically, or who cause me harm — intentionally or otherwise.
It is not only about balance within myself. It is about walking both paths side by side. Living as both the Shamanic seeker and the everyday human. One foot rooted in the grounded realm of home, family, work and daily life. The other stepping into the otherworldly realm of spirit, ceremony and connection. Both are needed. Both are sacred. I no longer have to choose one over the other. They are blended in every moment.
By finally listening to what my body, mind and spirit truly wanted, I received the gifts and learnt the lessons.
My nervous system has carried enough in this lifetime. There have been too many dark nights of the soul. Too many moments where I agreed to, enabled, or endured what did not feel right.
This is me stepping in.
Stepping up.
Claiming my life.
I am not here to do what I feel I should in order to give the perception of strength. I am here to do what I actually want and need. And with that comes true strength.
My ability to understand the power of choice has returned.
Because she has always been here. That feisty, non-conformist powerhouse who challenges and goes against the grain.
And she is back. Not from a place of fear, struggle or pushing through.
But from love. From connection. From empathy, joy, strength and truth.
With a twist of witty real talk and a raw sprinkle of “This is unapologetically me.”
Much love, always,
Rachael — the Rogue Shaman
