The Grumpy Journalist

The Grumpy Journalist Welcome to The Grumpy Journalist where we call out the world’s nonsense with a side of snark. Grab a seat and let’s dive into the chaos Who are we? Or don’t.

If you’re tired of boring, bland news and want a dose of reality with a punch, you’re in the right place. Welcome to The Grumpy Journalist, where we take the world's nonsense and serve it with a side of sarcasm. Tired of fluff pieces, fake news, and journalists pretending to have it all together? Congratulations, you've found your new home. Buckle up, because this is not your grandma's newspaper.

Here, we roast the ridiculous, laugh at the absurd, and occasionally remind you that everything is, in fact, totally fine (spoiler alert: it’s not). Honestly, we're just a bunch of people who gave up pretending to be "professional." If you’re looking for hard-hitting, unbiased reporting… keep looking. That's not our vibe. We’re here to mock, roast, and laugh at the chaos the world throws at us. It's like your favorite gossip column, but with a better vocabulary and a lot less filter. What’s our goal? We’re just here to give you something that makes you laugh, cringe, and question your life choices. We cover the real, the fake, and the so ridiculous it has to be real. The world’s a dumpster fire, and we’re roasting marshmallows over it. Why stick around? Because life’s too short for boring news. The world needs more sarcasm and less of everything else. If you’ve made it this far, you might as well see what else we’ve got in store. We’re not your therapist, but we’re definitely better than a self-help book (and way less condescending). A quick word about our profile pic:
Yes, we know it’s Sir Trevor McDonald. No, it’s not actually us (if it were, we'd be living much better lives). But honestly, who wouldn’t want to channel the legend of British journalism himself? Sir Trevor, if you’re reading this, we’re sure even you are sitting there wondering, "WTF is going on in this world?" And we’d be right there with you. Disclaimer:
If you’re easily offended, you’ve made a mistake just by being here. But if you like sarcastic headlines, biting commentary, and the occasional existential crisis, welcome aboard. We won’t make you feel better about yourself, but we’ll definitely make you laugh at the chaos of life. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the dumpster fire we call news. We’re not your babysitter. Follow us for more chaos:
Because sarcasm is our second language and making the news funny again (or at least mildly entertaining) is our mission.

Blimey, this week’s been off its trolley. One minute I’m delivering meds to nanas, the next I’m watching Mehdi Hassan ro...
20/10/2025

Blimey, this week’s been off its trolley. One minute I’m delivering meds to nanas, the next I’m watching Mehdi Hassan roast Trump and half of Washington like it’s Sunday dinner. From care home chaos to political carnage, it’s all here. A respectable gangster’s week on the frontlines of truth, laughter, and sheer madness. Grab a cuppa and dive in, you’ll need it.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/from-delivering-meds-to-watching?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

All Before Tea Time

📢 Ever met Britain’s most respectable gangster? Me neither, until I became one… delivering pills, not politics, and acci...
15/10/2025

📢 Ever met Britain’s most respectable gangster? Me neither, until I became one… delivering pills, not politics, and accidentally writing about Gaza. From care homes to holy land, it’s a journey you didn’t know you needed.

Read the full, unflinching story here:

👉 https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/the-gangster-who-delivered-to-care?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

LBC Gaza City Charlie Kirk The Labour Party Keir Starmer

and Accidentally Wrote About Gaza

Ever feel like AI scams are moving faster than the last bus home? As your friendly local medical delivery driver (and pa...
30/09/2025

Ever feel like AI scams are moving faster than the last bus home? As your friendly local medical delivery driver (and part-time digital priest), I’ve seen how scammers are now cloning voices, faking videos, and trying to empty pensioners’ accounts. The good news? A cuppa, a chat, and a secret phrase can outsmart them every time. Read my latest blog to see how we can turn our grandparents into scam-busting legends.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/granddad-just-got-catfished-by-a?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

LBC The Labour Party Keir Starmer Liberal Democratss

Why AI Misinformation is Everyone’s Problem

Life in Britain is a mess: trains late, potholes trying to swallow cars, Westminster juggling lies like it’s Cirque du S...
28/09/2025

Life in Britain is a mess: trains late, potholes trying to swallow cars, Westminster juggling lies like it’s Cirque du Soleil. I just hauled nan’s meds up three flights of stairs while LBC screamed nonsense at me and I still laughed. If I can survive THAT, anyone can. Keep singing your hymns in private, dodge the chaos, and remember: if you don’t laugh, Britain will eat you alive. 🤯😂

Labour PartytLiberal Democratst’s

Britain, Sharia, and How Schools Lost Their Damn Minds

Elon Musk blurts, Westminster panics, Ed Davey steps up, Tories play dress-up, and Starmer… well, he’s beige. Fourteen y...
17/09/2025

Elon Musk blurts, Westminster panics, Ed Davey steps up, Tories play dress-up, and Starmer… well, he’s beige. Fourteen years of Conservative chaos, billionaire theatrics, and one surprisingly sharp Liberal Democrat. Who’s really guilty of inflaming the nation? Read the full, unfiltered Grumpy Journalist take if you dare.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/elons-fight-back-or-die?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

A Billionaire’s Drama, a Government’s Meltdown

Out on the streets, delivering statins to grandad, morphine to the ones who actually need it, and wondering if a bag of ...
16/09/2025

Out on the streets, delivering statins to grandad, morphine to the ones who actually need it, and wondering if a bag of chips should come with a mortgage advice session. Britain, I love you, but you’re officially mental. 🍟💊

Read the full chaos here and subscribe for more grumpy truths → https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/britain-6-chicken-morphine-and-the?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Pharmaceutical gangsters, chip shop combat, and a political class auditioning for Love Island

🚨 BREAKING: MPs Debate Whether Timmy Should Have TikTok in Maths Class While Sextortion Cases Soar 72% 🚨I start my eveni...
08/09/2025

🚨 BREAKING: MPs Debate Whether Timmy Should Have TikTok in Maths Class While Sextortion Cases Soar 72% 🚨

I start my evening shift as a humble medical delivery driver basically a legal dealer for the geriatrics, doling out morphine like it’s candy, keeping gran and grandpa delightfully high and, hopefully, a little longer on this mortal coil. Before I’ve even clipped my seatbelt, I’m rerouted by a car crash that looks like a rejected scene from Fast & Furious: Slough Drift. So there I am, swerving around chaos, tuned into LBC, where Ben is chatting with a panel about online safety. Helen from the National Crime Prevention Centre chimes in, and suddenly I’m thinking: “Wow. Finally, someone making sense.” Meanwhile, MPs are busy having a punch up over whether children should be allowed to bring mobile phones to school. Pop, pop, nana, I hope you’re listening because in this absurd country, the circus starts in Westminster, and I’m just here keeping you laughing.

📱 By 13–15, 97% of UK kids have a phone glued to their palms. One in five have been bullied online. Sextortion of boys? Up 72% in 2025. Big Tech is cashing in, Westminster is twiddling its thumbs, and your child is probably filming themselves doing something utterly reckless for TikTok.

Now, here’s the kicker… the bit that will make you spit out your morning coffee, shake your head, and possibly consider throwing your child’s iPhone into the Thames.

Oh, but wait… this is where the paywall comes in.

Yes, you read that correctly. To find out:

How Westminster’s “solutions” are basically paper cutouts of good intentions

Why your child’s favourite influencer is scarier than the knife crime stats in London

The absolutely bonkers truth about parents, loot boxes, and kids’ mental health

And my hilarious, uncompromising, can’t-unsee it analysis of Britain’s moral collapse

…you’ll need to subscribe because let’s face it this is premium outrage, wrapped in sarcasm, served with a side of hard-hitting facts. Free previews don’t deliver existential dread quite like the full article.

👉 [Subscribe Here to Continue Reading Your Child’s Smartphone Will Thank You Later]

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/online-safety-phones-in-schools-and?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

The Labour Party

Westminster has truly outdone itself this time. Angela Rayner resigns over stamp duty, MPs swap roles like it’s musical ...
07/09/2025

Westminster has truly outdone itself this time. Angela Rayner resigns over stamp duty, MPs swap roles like it’s musical chairs, and the rest of the country is left heating empty homes, dodging potholes, and watching schools crumble. Meanwhile, Twitter squabbles and tantrums masquerade as governance. Fancy a peek at the full circus, served with sarcasm, wit, and a proper British eye-roll? Read the full meltdown here:

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/part-2-angela-resigns?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Address to a Nation of Sleepwalkers

🚨 BREAKING: The Tories and Reform UK are busy waving flags, whining about Angela Rayner’s Hove flat, and pretending they...
30/08/2025

🚨 BREAKING: The Tories and Reform UK are busy waving flags, whining about Angela Rayner’s Hove flat, and pretending they run the country while 600,000 people live in firetrap flats.

Yes, really. Nigel’s auditioning for Dad’s Army 2.0, Tice is polishing his developer ego, and Kemi’s too busy writing op-eds about “woke horror” to care about burning homes. Meanwhile, Angela is actually doing her job.

Grab a drink, sit down, and enjoy the circus:

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/angela-rayner-vs-the-circus?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true 🔥

Angela Rayner Keir Starmer Kemi Badenoch Nigel Farage Richard Tice The Labour Party Liberal Democratss

Flats, Fire, and a Nation of Hypocrites

🎭 Nigel Farage & The Great ECHR Circus 🤡Nigel Farage is back, calling for the UK to leave the European Convention on Hum...
27/08/2025

🎭 Nigel Farage & The Great ECHR Circus 🤡

Nigel Farage is back, calling for the UK to leave the European Convention on Human Rights. Meanwhile, Churchill, who actually helped create it, is probably spinning in his grave. Dive into the absurdity, the chaos, and the comedy of British politics in this satirical piece.

👉 Read more here: https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/nigel-farage-and-the-great-echr-circus?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

LBC

A Comedy of British Stupidity

Address

Wimbledon

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