The Grumpy Journalist

30/08/2025

🚨 BREAKING: The Tories and Reform UK are busy waving flags, whining about Angela Rayner’s Hove flat, and pretending they run the country while 600,000 people live in firetrap flats.

Yes, really. Nigel’s auditioning for Dad’s Army 2.0, Tice is polishing his developer ego, and Kemi’s too busy writing op-eds about “woke horror” to care about burning homes. Meanwhile, Angela is actually doing her job.

Grab a drink, sit down, and enjoy the circus:

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/angela-rayner-vs-the-circus?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true 🔥

Angela Rayner Keir Starmer Kemi Badenoch Nigel Farage Richard Tice The Labour Party Liberal Democratss

Flats, Fire, and a Nation of Hypocrites

27/08/2025

🎭 Nigel Farage & The Great ECHR Circus 🤡

Nigel Farage is back, calling for the UK to leave the European Convention on Human Rights. Meanwhile, Churchill, who actually helped create it, is probably spinning in his grave. Dive into the absurdity, the chaos, and the comedy of British politics in this satirical piece.

👉 Read more here: https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/nigel-farage-and-the-great-echr-circus?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

LBC

A Comedy of British Stupidity

24/08/2025

Just been out delivering medicine for nana and poppops NHS Batman style, cape replaced with a satchel, when I saw the bravest soldiers this country has ever known: men on ladders, scaling lampposts with flags. True patriots. Forget the nurses, bin men, or teachers, the real frontline is Geoff from number 12 dangling like Poundland Spider-Man with a roll of cable ties and a Union Jack. Honestly, Churchill at Dunkirk has nothing on Darren from Wetherspoons balancing on a wheelie bin to save England with polyester.

People laugh, but you don’t understand. When Darren’s flag waves in the breeze, mortgage rates fall, potholes fix themselves, and the NHS magically gets another 40,000 doctors. That’s science. The future of Britain is nylon rectangles tied to lampposts by blokes with more lager than ladder sense.

I salute you, kings of cable ties. Just don’t ask them about schools, hospitals, jobs, or housing… that’s boring. Stick to nylon, lads, nylon will save us all.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/raise-the-colours-lower-the-iq?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

19/08/2025

🚨 The Online Safety Act is law and keyboard warriors are losing their minds. Protecting kids and women from predators is apparently “authoritarian” now. 🤯

Yes, tech giants will have to actually moderate content, age verify, and pay real fines if they don’t. Yes, revenge p**n is finally criminalised. And yes, some people still think leaving children unprotected is “freedom.”

So shout at Angela Rayner, cry about privacy risks, but don’t defend predators. That’s not freedom. That’s negligence.

Read my latest post for the unvarnished truth about why critics are wrong and why this law actually matters ⬇️

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/the-online-safety-act-part-2?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

LBC

Stop Crying, Start Protecting Kids and Women Online

14/08/2025

Just chased a £50bn black hole across X with nothing but a net, a caffeine buzz, and “Baffled Beccy” shouting OBR stats at it. Spoiler: the hole’s real, the links are real, and your taxes are paying for the sequel. Read the madness before it swallows us all.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/the-day-i-chased-a-50bn-black-hole?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

And Questioned My Sanity

12/08/2025

Britain isn’t collapsing into a Mad Max wasteland, no matter what your uncle’s Facebook memes say. Knife assaults are at a 25-year low, robbery’s down 60%, burglary down two thirds. You are statistically more likely to die of boredom at a parish council meeting than be mugged outside Greggs.

But outrage sells better than facts, so we’ll keep pretending Croydon shoplifters are the beginning of the end.

Full rant here: https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/britain-not-actually-on-fire-despite?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

That Guy Who Was Supposed to File This Yesterday

08/08/2025

This isn't just another gangland headline it’s a public one-two from The Grumpy Journalist. Picture drones smuggling contraband into HMP, street CEOs throwing bail defying raves, and MPs sipping subsidised steak sauce while pretending the problem is “drill music.”|

If you think “tough on crime” means tweeting sternly before gutting youth services, you've got another think coming. Dive into my latest with more sarcasm than Parliament has spine and yes, it’s as funny as it is savage. Let’s make Westminster squirm, one laugh at a time.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/the-day-the-drill-scene-became-a?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Call to Action:

Laugh. Then argue. Then share for all the wrong reasons.

When politicians blamed the beat, but ignored the blood on their own hands

05/08/2025

🚨 NEW READ: Lies, Failures & Genocide: The October 7 Debacle, Unspun
Part 2 of: “To the Cowards Who Couldn’t Handle Starmer’s Spine...”

Imagine running the most high-tech surveillance grid in the Middle East, only to be outsmarted by a handful of blokes on paragliders who looked like they took a wrong turn out of Fortnite. Israel’s security state didn’t just drop the ball, they drop-kicked it into a war crime, blamed everyone else, then asked for a Nobel Peace Prize. (Yes, really.)

🔻 Highlights include:

How Egypt basically sent a flashing neon warning and was ghosted harder than your ex.

A PowerPoint from Hamas titled “Here’s Exactly What We’re Going to Do”, and Mossad going “Bit unrealistic, innit?”

Trump being nominated for a PEACE PRIZE while treating the Middle East like it was Monopoly, but with bombs.

And the Top 10 Lies They Told to Justify a Genocide (spoiler: beheaded babies, mass r**e, and vanishing aid tins all make an appearance, like a twisted pantomime of propaganda).

If you've got even half a brain and a full cup of tea, read it. If you’re easily offended by facts with jokes, scroll on to the next video of someone air-frying a Mars bar.

👇 Read it all here before it gets censored or turned into a BBC docudrama with dramatic violins:

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/lies-failures-and-genocide-the-october?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Part 2 of: “To the Cowards Who Couldn’t Handle Starmer’s Spine...”

01/08/2025

Keir Starmer just did what no one expected stood up for recognising a Palestinian state. Cue the political tantrums from the usual suspects who’d rather protect their own image than starving children.

This isn’t about taking sides, it’s about having a moral compass in a world burning with injustice. If calling out war crimes is controversial, maybe Westminster needs a rethink.

Time to stop hiding behind “complex situations” and start standing for what’s right.

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/to-the-cowards-who-couldnt-handle?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

The People Who Still Think Starving Children Matter More Than Saving Face

22/07/2025

🎓 Graduation season is here that magical time when young adults proudly throw caps into the air while the rest of us quietly wonder how on earth they managed to survive university without turning into caffeine-fuelled zombies or permanent residents of their parents’ spare room.

But wait, it’s not all sunshine and inspirational speeches. No, no it’s also the season of ‘Well done, you! Now go find a job that pays more than your student loan instalment.’ The harsh reality check disguised as heartfelt congratulations.

If you’ve ever wanted to laugh, cry, or question the entire British education system while feeling slightly smug about dodging the tuition fee bullet (or not), then this article is for you. Expect sarcasm sharper than a freshly sharpened pencil and truths that sting worse than your nan’s disappointed stare when you still live at home at 27.

Click through to see why graduation might just be the most expensive piece of paper that says “Welcome to the real world where coffee is your new best friend and your student debt is the ghost that haunts your bank account.”

Dive in here 👉 https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/graduation-season?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

When Mortarboards Fly and the Country Crumbles

11/07/2025

Let’s be fair Kemi Badenoch’s story is remarkable. From Nigeria to McDonald’s to leading a major political party. That’s inspiring. But the truth is, it’s not her we’re angry at it’s the 14 years of destruction her party caused. Big difference. Let’s hold the Tories accountable, not erase her journey.

still employed… for now

10/07/2025

🧹 Rachel Reeves cried. One tear. That’s all it took for the right-wing media to implode like she’d announced the nationalisation of Waitrose and compulsory pronoun usage at bus stops.

Apparently, the Chancellor showing a shred of human emotion is far more scandalous than, say, letting Liz Truss cosplay as PM and detonate the economy in under 49 days.

Labour’s inherited a bin fire, and Reeves is the poor soul with a mop, a spreadsheet, and a nervous twitch. While Tories and Reform shout from the sidelines about “woke bins” and cry into their foie gras about a wealth tax, Labour is at least trying to make Britain vaguely liveable again.

If you missed Part One of the Autumn Budget breakdown, don't worry, we’re still waist-deep in economic rubble. From brick-flavoured housing misery to the cruel comedy of the welfare bill, Part Two is out now and it’s got more truth than a PPE inquiry and far less shouting.

📰 Read it now and remind yourself that empathy isn't a weakness. It’s the first step to cleaning up a mess left by people who thought a monocle was a policy.
👉

https://open.substack.com/pub/grumpyjournalist/p/rachel-reeves-cried-after-14-years?r=52psb9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true