The Winchcombe Warbler

16/09/2026

Breaking news! Greet man cycles from Lands End to John O’Groats to raise money for Party in The Park whilst also breaking world record.

Greet cyclist Paul Madle completed his bike ride from Lands End to John O’Groats yesterday as part of a fundraising campaign for Winchcombe’s Party in the Park.

Mr Madle told The Warbler, “it wasn’t the physical challenge that was the hardest part - but riding up through the country dressed like a complete and utter fu***ng plum!”

He continued, “but the best thing is I managed to smash the world record for people shouting out ‘bicycle wanker!’ from their cars as they drove passed me, with 892 incidents recorded - which to be honest is my proudest achievement from the journey given all the anti-cyclist sentiment on the roads these days.”

EDITORS NOTE: Paul’s Mrs will be glad to know that the pic has been AI’d but the story is real 🤪 if you want to drop some coin into his fundraiser then please click the link in the comments - every penny goes toward next years Party in the Park 🥳

Well done mate - excellent achievement and please don’t tell anyone I bigged up someone from Greet 🤪 🤩😘

15/09/2026

Breaking news! Organisers celebrate towns first Pork Run as great success.

Organisers of Winchcombe’s first ever Pork Run have said they were “amazed” at the amount of people who turned up to take part in the 25 meter jog at Pennylands Park yesterday afternoon.

The event, sponsored by TBC was to get more people active in the town.

“Given the success of park runs around the country”
a spokeswoman said, “we thought how can we get the more unhealthy memebers of our town out and about - and the answer was clear - put on a b**r tent and a BBQ at the finish line and they’ll flock to it!”

The Warbler interviewed a local man known only as ‘Gimp’, who came 29th place in the 25m run after having a minor stroke and asthma attack said, “ent bin funny but vey cud ave put the grub and booze a bit closer - Oi was absolutely fu**ed Oi was being when alls said and done at the end of the day, vat was the furvest oi ave raaaaan since oi was at school 40 year ago - f**ken cunted oi am!”

14/09/2026

Breaking news! Outrage as Lap dancing club opens on the High Street

A lap dancing club has opened on The High Street after protests to block the move were unsuccessful.

Co-Owner Mr Seymour Beaver, told The Warbler, "Beaver's is very much a family business and we are keen to play an active and supportive role within the community, not just a place where ladies and gentlemen can come to 'rub one off'

His wife, co-owner, and head st****er Shona Beaver said, "It's not just about watching women (and some men) take their clothes off - with our ladies night every Wednesday and WI coffee Mornings due to be hosted here, there really is something for everyone - a true social hub - and we're particularly excited to announce our new 'apprentice lap dancer program' for the over 18s - so yes we will be having a positive effect on employment prospects in the town for young people".

Retired 93 year old nursery assistant, Mrs Gladys Sawted said, "Oi rekun it's a fecking smashing oidea. Nout wraaang wiv a bit of s*x wurk - din do me any aaaarm when Oi was dishing out and jobs fer caaaaaaaash out the back of the Workies of a weekend baaaack in the 70s. To be honest Oi'm aaaarf-finking of joining the apprentice prograaaaam moiself - if Oi can make a f**k load of wonga to help pay for moi gaaaaaas and lecky this winter boi just gettin moi baaaaps n badger out then whoi not - oi mean aaaaaff of the town have seen it anyway!"

13/09/2026

Breaking news! £1442* raised at Barneys Comedy Night last night 😍

Thanks to everyone who came along, made a donation and bought raffle tickets.

Big shout out to the fabulous comedians Sarah Smith, Stuart Black and Nick Hill 😍🤩 you all aced it!

Spike for doing the bar!

Kim Day and her gang for running the raffle and getting all the prizes together!

All the businesses and people who donated raffle prizes!

We have the most amazing community in this town, and all the fundraising to support Barney and his family has been truly incredible 🥰

*might go up a little more.

12/09/2026

The burger man be cooking at Abbey Field’s Community Centre for Barneys Comedy Fundraiser!

The Full Monty Event Catering Ltd is gonna be here through the night - even if you’re not coming to the gig (wankers) then come and get a bite to eat 😍

12/09/2026

What YOU doing tonight?

Hit the link in the comments for your tickets or just show up 👹

12/09/2026

Breaking news! New “dental travel agent” opens in Winchcombe

11/09/2026

This time tomorrow it’ll be the comedy fundraiser for Barney 🥳

Comedians, sweary funny songs from me about life in Winchcombe and The Cotswolds, a bar and burgers on site and AMAZING raffle prizes.

Don’t sit around crying over a s**t pizza - Get your tickets here, come and have a fu***ng laugh, and support an amazing cause 🤩

Join us for a night of music and laughter with 4/5 stand up acts and live music from The Winchcombe Warbler & AMAZING Raffle prizes!!!

11/09/2026

Breaking news! Katie Hopkins opens Greet annual C**ty Fair.

Greet's annual C**ty Fair opened this morning to a great deal of excitement for townsfolk.

In its 69th year, the fair originally began as a competitor to The Winchcombe Country Fair, but given Greet has no school, the person creating the signs spelled it wrong.

However in a strange twist of fate, the signs drew curious people from around the UK and overseas in a celebration of the "art of cuntiness"

Attractions for this year's event include:
Child scaring competition: who can make a child cry for the longest period of time.

Flour and Prod Yous show: Flour bombing other visitors and prodding them with a pointy stick.

Posh Cotswold C**t herding display: Local chavs herd posh Winchcombe people into sheep pen, and mock them until they all start crying and decide to move to Stow on the Wold.

Flag painting workshop with Katie Hopkins (for grown men only)

Pronoun lucky dip.

Morris dancing display.

Workshops include:
How to do deliver better quality insults with Mrs Gladys Sawted.

C**ty crafts: how to make household ornaments with asbestos, barbed wire and minor explosives.

Be a better mysoginist with Richard Head.

The History of Mysogyny with Izzy Gone.

Cotswold Monopoly: how to empty a town of locals with AirBnb and then complain about "lack of community".

Learn salsa dancing.

10/09/2026

48 hours to go to the comedy fundraiser!

There’s still some tickets available - and at the moment if you enter the raffle your chances of winning are soooo good thanks to all the prizes that have kindly been donated 😍

Every penny from the sales and raffle go to the fundraiser, and the bar and burger people are kindly doing donations too 🥰

Pleeeeeeease hit the link and get your tickets if you’re coming but haven’t done this yet. Really helps us keep on top of numbers for the bar etc 😘

Join us for a night of music and laughter with 4/5 stand up acts and live music from The Winchcombe Warbler & AMAZING Raffle prizes!!!