ParentingSuccess

24/09/2025

When I work with parents - a sign of success and something to celebrate is when we become able to pause.
Pause before we allow whatever annoyance, anger or fear that exists inside to highjack the moment and make us do or say things that we late regret.
Pausing is no small feat. It's a practice. It'll sometimes feel like an anti climax, leave you feeling powerless and weak.
But trust me - there's nothing weak about being able to practice more self-control when in the heat of the moment we seek to control our child, our partner - a situation.
Perhaps
Another
Unseen
Solution
Exists

❣️
Heard this in the brilliant book
We keep doing what we've always done until we allow something new to happen. And the pause allows us that.
Let me support you on that journey - to make you feel empowered and proud of the way you show up in your parenting
Book a free discovery call (link in bio 👆

16/09/2025

I'm not known for being a 'napper'. But I practice allowing myself the rest I need and deserve.
It can feel easier with a puppy in my lap - and as you can tell - it did the job 😉

12/09/2025

Power struggles
Battle of will

There are many names to describe the unproductive dynamic that quickly arise when we feel powerless as parents
Just put on your rain coat
Say sorry to your sibling

It often starts with small things. A request is being refused and the anger starts bubbling up.
If I let my child 'win' this scenario - I've lost.
So we stubbornly push back. And when force meets counter force 💥💥💥 it's not pretty

And when we go about resistance in this way - we only get more of it.

Here's an alternative 💭

✅act from your own zone of control. I can't MAKE my child say the words 'I'm sorry' - so I can model empathy looks like until they're ready to apologise 'are you okay. Sorry you got hurt"

✅ make it clear what's important to you might not be important to your child; "well I would like you to bring a raincoat so I'm going to bring it along - just in case"

✅ avoid attracting attention to your child's change of heart. When they ask for the raincoat don't say "see .. good thing we brought it"
Power struggles always takes two parts - like tug of war. When we decide to put down the rope we don't do so in defeat. But from a place of maturity and wisdom that HOW we resolve disagreements - teaches our child more about cooperation and empathy than does seeking to out muscle

12/09/2025

21/08/2025

One of the reasons we can get stuck in repetitive cycles of shame and blame with our kids -and boys especially- is that we find it hard to offer any alternatives that compete with the dopamine kick provided by gaming.

I don't see it as my motherly duty to provide round the clock entertainment and stimulation- but I do know that I've craved a great alternative to screen time whenever time is up

For my son - this is photography. At least for this summer. Greatly spurred on by the fact that he's been entrusted with his dad's digital Canon SLR camera.

It's coming everywhere with us and I love watching him put his digital skills to good use while being creative and spending time together.

Often, when we help nurture other passions, show trust in their abilities and make them feel needed - balance is a little easier to strike
What works for you?

21/08/2025

Is that they trust us with their tears and their big feelings.
When we can see this in the midst of their meltdown we are more likely to set appropriate limits while comforting - without needing to penalise and blame and shame.

❣️

16/08/2025

Celebrating the man who loves a heartfelt card more than any present. The man who works his socks off to give his family the best life .. and who gives the best hugs (even the kids say so) - the guy I love to fight, love and do life with 💙
Happy birthday my love

11/08/2025

A long summer holiday - means we need to make a lot more decisions. The options seem endless; .
Are we having a BBQ or making pizza?
Are we going to the beach or the lake?
Are the kids going to be looked after by nan or my friend on Saturday?
These questions can often cause a lot of conflict because we find that each family member will have an opinion. Which is absolutely fine. .

Being able to hear each other out often means that we become a little less obsessed with getting our own way.
Tempting as it is to maybe try to make everyone happy - we end up giving up the leadership that our children desperately need us to demonstrate in those situations
When we can tolerate our kids' disappointment at not getting their wish granted - they can better tolerate it themselves.
Little tip to make little ones feel heard and listened to;
Tell your child that you want to know what they WISH for. If they could decide- what would a perfect meal look like? What would a great day involve?
just listen - be curious and go with.
Wishes are not orders. They're fantasies that can satisfy them merely speaking them out loud.
This also give us a better insight into what would hit the spot were we to treat them to something that really matters to them

08/08/2025

Either my husband's really funny -or this little pup is too cute!
😉

07/08/2025

One of the sure ways that we end up being on our back foot, living in reaction to what happens, regretting our decisions or wishing for a do-over - is this:
We see it as our duty to promptly react
When I loose sight of my need to think something over, check my diary or cool down - I often feel like the victim in the situation;
"Why is it always me who end up saying yes to hosting a play date"
Or needing to change my consequence;
"I said you couldn't have TV for a week because i got so cross. I don't mean that - but what you did was not okay"
Can you relate?
Here's what we CAN do instead without anyone respecting us any less;
"Thanks for the invitation - let me get back to you"
"That's a great question - I'll have a think and let you know"
"I'll need to think about that. And yes I know you want an answer right now - but then it'll be a no"
"What you did was not okay. There will be a consequence - but I need to cool down first"
This garners respect. Our children are far better able to learn to manage their own amygdala reactions - when we practice modelling it ourselves
🧡

04/08/2025

Kids lie! Hey - we all lie from time to time.
And there's value in recognising the humanity in this unwanted fact of being human.
When we raise little kids we tend to do so from lofty ideals that we often can't even honour ourselves ;
:
Never lie
Don't swear
Dont snack in between meals
Little to no sugar
Strict screen rules
And then - as they grow a little older and we realise that the illusion we had of having control over our kids - is just that: an illusion - we recognise the humanness in them and realise that our job role changes;

We accept that they're going to be more like ourselves and make mistakes, be tempted, slip up and that the best we can do is to say things like;

📍When you tell the truth you won't get into trouble
📍We all make mistakes - I'm so glad you told me

📍Make sensible sugar choices
📍Swear around your friends - not here
When we suspect our child is lying - it's a good idea not to expose the lie in order to prove their deviousness .

Rather than:
"Did you brush your teeth"?
Help them to preserve their dignity by saying;
"I notice your toothbrush is dry - please go and brush your teeth"
:
This way our child is less tempted to lie and you are more effective at getting the job done

25/07/2025

This is one of harsh realities of the duality of love that we come to realise every time we spend a lot of time with the people we love the most.
One thing that can give us a longer fuse in our close relationships when we spend a lot of intense time together is to also factor in our own needs;
:
📚time with a book or a magazine
☀️a moment in the sun
☕️uninterrupted or from your favorite cafe - even if the kids find that boring
🚶a walk/ run
💤 a lie in sometimes - where your partner takes over
What needs to happen for you to feel taken care of?
Sometimes the only thing standing in the way of this happening is ourselves. Our own habit to down prioritise our own needs - or our fear of asking for what we need.
Fear of taking up space, being an inconvenience or causing disruption to the family.
But you matter too - and the only way to learn to tolerate that and for the family to come to accept this - is through the discomfort of doing it!
🧡if you can relate