
18/06/2025
The Girl I Used to Be… and the Stranger I’ve Become
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Hi everyone,
I don’t really know how to begin this, or even why I’m writing. Maybe I’m hoping someone out there will understand. Or maybe this is just my way of crying out for help — silently, without having to look anyone in the eye.
Please… don’t judge me.
All my life, I was the “good girl.” The obedient one. The girl who kept herself. I had rules, strict ones. I didn’t date. I didn’t let boys close. I was waiting for something real — for a love that would lead to marriage. I didn’t want to be used, touched, or tossed aside. I wanted to be cherished.
Then I turned 20.
A few days after my birthday, I met him. He told me he was done with flings and ready for something serious. A relationship. Marriage. His words felt like fate — like my prayers had finally been answered.
I let my guard down. For the first time in my life, I said yes to love.
He was sweet at first. Gentle. He knew I was a virgin, and he was patient. After two months, I told him I was ready. We had s*x for the first time, and it felt… special. Honest. Like something sacred.
But little by little, the sacred started to fade.
Everything began to revolve around s*x. Still, I didn’t complain — because I loved him. I believed love meant sacrifice.
Then the criticisms began. He told me I was bad in bed. That I was boring. That I should buy a “pussy sweater” to spice things up. I was crushed — humiliated — but I still wanted to make it work. So I forced myself to watch p**n, tried new things, changed myself to become the girl he wanted.
Then came the accusations. He said I was sleeping with my boss. I wasn’t. I would never. I tried to reassure him again and again. I gave him everything. My heart. My body. My time. My money. I bought him gifts, cooked for him, did everything I could to prove my loyalty.
Still, it was never enough.
One day, he said he wanted a third person in our relationship. My heart shattered — but I stayed. I stayed even when it hurt. I stayed because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.
I even quit my job because he didn’t trust me around my boss. That’s how far I went. That’s how deep I fell.
And then, after ten months, he left.
Just like that.
I begged him to stay. I cried. I humiliated myself. He didn’t care. He was done.
And I… I haven’t been the same since.
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I hated myself. Every night, I saw him in my dreams. Every morning, I woke up to the nightmare of my reality.
But the worst part?
The part I’m most ashamed of?
He made me addicted to s*x — something I never even wanted to begin with. And now, without him, I’ve been spiraling. In the three months since we broke up, I’ve already slept with five different guys.
Me.
The girl who once swore she’d wait for love.
Now I feel like a stranger to myself — hollow, lost, unrecognizable.
I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I just want to feel clean again. Whole again.
I don’t expect sympathy. But if you’ve been here — if you know this darkness — just know you’re not alone.
I’m still trying to find my way back to the girl I used to be.
Or maybe… trying to become someone stronger. Someone new.
- Anonymous