15/11/2025
Quit Your Government Job and Give Back Your Food Stamps, Housing Voucher, Pension, Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, Homestead, and Tax Credits If You Hate Socialism So Much
By Mabel Doge Luhan for Mabel's Table, Kandit News and Views
Oh my! Must we talk about socialism yet again?! My bibliothecary just came running into my Friday drawing-room holding a dot-matrix printout of some sort of hullabaloo happening on The Face-book. It was apparently quite a to-do that my article distracted the Face-book crowd from their usual goose-stepping!
Why, even the Attorney General of Guam, or someone pretending to be him, commented on my article, using his official government Facebook account:
Office of the Attorney General of Guam:
"Hafa Adai. Disagree. Ma’am, you have not learned the lessons of history, and want to take we Chamorros, Filipinos and the rest of us down the pit which plagues our nation. Call it being a progressive, socialist, or communist, it’s basically ignorance. America was built on democracy and capitalism, not taking the hard earned wealth from people and families like you endorse and giving it to those who did nothing to work for it, and which is socialism and communism. Temporary bridge assistance is the safety net we Americans endorse.
"Mrs. Bistra Mendiola is right and her values reflect the majority of our good people in this part of America, and the majority of Americans based upon President Trump’s landslide victory. You need to relocate to a “blue city” like NY, Oregon or better yet, become a member of the CCP. Hate America and the values it was built on, best you join the wrecks of nations like Venezuela and China who can oppress you. We on Guam remain proud Americans out here who literally fought, suffered and died for our American values just 1 generation ago."
I don’t know what’s more hilarious/disturbing:
1. That the Guam AG (or someone claiming to be him) is up at 5 AM hate-reading and rage-posting on Facebook.
2. That after making the 5 AM rage-post from his official AG account, the Guam AG (or someone claiming to be him) “liked” his own Facebook post.
3. That after more than thirty years practicing law, the Guam AG hasn’t figured out how noun cases work in English. I wonder what his LSAT score was, and whether he was one of those DEI admits he’s so against when he somehow got into Santa Clara Law!
4. That the Guam AG, the person who’s supposed to be an expert on a lot of arcane law, was unable or unwilling to grasp even the most general, basic meaning of the article on which he commented. The article’s constant theme, repeated over and over, was that democratic socialism works together with democracy and capitalism, not against them — and the article never praised or recommended socialism, only explained what it is and isn’t. And here’s the Guam AG rage-responding to an article nobody wrote, but that he must have fantasized about, that apparently praised communism.
5. That the Guam AG, a near-lifelong public employee who’s spent the past few decades standing on a step-stool to suck at the public teat ($170K/year cash + lots of benefits!), would get so angry about my pointing out that socialism isn’t the same thing as authoritarian dictatorship.
6. That the Guam AG, a man who obviously lives and breathes politics, believes in “President Trump’s landslide victory” (it wasn’t a landslide — but Donald got luckier on the kiddie slides) and thinks the CCP has anything to do with socialism.
7. That the Guam AG, who never served in the military, is claiming to have fought “for American values” — while trying to tell someone to leave America if they’re going to write articles discussing what socialism is.
8. That the Guam AG, a servant of the public who swore an oath to the US and Guam Constitutions, which give equal protection to all people, tells someone that they “need to relocate” for writing an article defining what socialism is and isn’t. I hate it when the servants get uppity! Get back to work, Boy, and make me a sandwich, because my tax payments fund your laughable $170K salary. Make sure to slice the tomatoes real thick, and slide a few mirtazapines under the pickle slices! Anyway, maybe Douglas B. Munchkin is the one who needs to “relocate” — but more on that later!
Whew! That list was a lot! Probably too much for Munchkin to read himself, just like Leon Guerrero v. Moylan, DM0457-97 (Superior Court of Guam October 3, 1997) (Interlocutory Judgment of Divorce), where Douglas B. Moylan’s then-wife accused the then-and-still-now pipsqueak of “extreme cruelty” toward her. But anyway!
I was just thinking about what sort of place Douglas and his MAGA friends might enjoy. What kind of wish list would they have? How about this:
1. Promoting communism or workers’ rights is illegal. Especially students are arrested or even expelled from college for having communist sympathies.
2. As Douglas promotes heavily, beating children is encouraged, commonplace, and not civilly or criminally actionable. It’s just the way things are. (BONUS: Beating one’s wife is also encouraged, commonplace, and not civilly or criminally actionable! Whew, unlike those pesky Guam laws, eh?)
3. Substance abuse disorders are shamed and addicts are treated as the scum of society.
4. “If you don’t work, you don’t eat,” as MAGA often proclaims. No welfare, no SNAP, no WIC, no Section 8, no Medicaid, no Medicare, not even free public education. HOORAY!
5. In fact, often if you do work, you still don’t eat, because bosses routinely cheat employees of wages, and the legal system is completely stacked in the bosses’ favor.
6. Not only is there no gay marriage, and not only is being transgender illegal, but it’s illegal to even talk about homosexuality! DON’T SAY GAY!
7. Children are taught about “natural gender roles” and male superiority, and even “natural ethnic roles.”
8. Several government departments defend NATIONAL HOMELAND HERITAGE AND CULTURE.
9. TARIFFS! Lots of tariffs! YAY! TO PROTECT HOMEGROWN INDUSTRIALISTS, CONSUMERS BE DAMNED.
10. Universities are legally required to report on their political leanings and not teach anything “untrue” or “harmful to the country.”
11. Newspapers aren’t allowed to publish anything “false.”
12. Immigration violations are a crime and violators are grabbed off the street, beaten, and imprisoned in forced-labor concentration camps.
13. Prison is forced labor with not much in the way of food, beds, or toilets.
14. MUSLIMS ARE RECOGNIZED AS TERRORISTS and mostly locked up in concentration camps.
15. Burning the flag is illegal.
16. The leader is correctly recognized as having been granted his powers by a supreme being.
17. Immigration is almost impossible, and foreigners and ethnic minorities are locked out of most public life.
18. And most importantly…. Sexually abusing children is defacto completely legal, as long as you don’t abuse the kids of anyone important! HOORAY!
Paradise! Complete MAGA paradise, I tell you! The bad news is that, well, immigration is almost impossible. But a one-way flight from Guam costs under $500, so why not give it a try? Their MAGA-approved government has some “GUILDLINES” here:
[A link to an English-version of a Chinese government article can be found in the Kandit website version of this post]
Get ready to beat your wife and kids and not just your meat, because the glorious People’s Republic of China awaits!
Don’t believe me that communism and socialism are pretty much illegal in China? You must not have read any serious journalism about China anytime in the past decade — I guess rage-posting on Facebook does take a lot of time — but just for a start:
[A link to a Guardian story and another to a Reuters story can be found on the Kandit website version of this post]
Meanwhile, I’ll stay here in the CNMI. Where, despite your proclamations that we hate socialism, most US citizens live on government jobs or welfare (or both) and utilize government-paid housing, food, and medical care, with extra payments to the young (WIC) and the old (Social Security). Not to mention all the Housing Corporations, Affairs Offices, Cultural and Community Affairs Departments, and public health initiatives! Worst of all (to MAGA): free vaccines, and public education!
So if you really do hate socialism — are you ready to turn down all those local government jobs that are a defacto welfare program, as well as the actual welfare programs?
Is that crickets I hear?
Well, I guess it’s time to get in the comments section and call me a communist, then go fight hard against the “socialist” policies that are meant to help you. MEANWHILE, MY EFFECTIVE TAX RATE IS LOWER THAN DONALD TRUMP’S IQ, WHEEEEEEEE!
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Mabel Doge Luhan is a woman of loose morals. She resides in Kagman V, where she pursues her passions of crocheting, beatboxing, and falconry.
