Strut and Bellow with Melanie Clark Pullen

14/03/2022

Flying visit to Bray over the weekend to see my family and meet Dad’s new furry companion Bear.

27/02/2022

Got out for a decent walk for the first time in weeks. Well pleased. Appetite improving too. Managed breakfast and lunch - small wins! Meeting my oncologist this week to discuss new treatment options. Would dearly love a plateau of feeling well rather than the recent rollercoaster of complications and hospital admissions. It’s all been a tad exhausting. Taking a break from social media is helpful and so I’m going to continue to keep a low profile. I have newsletter you can sign up for with updates and soon the serialised version of my novel Sound the Depths exclusively for subscribers. Thanks to all who have sent prayers, reiki, good vibes and so much love, it all helps. X m

26/01/2022

A wee interlude from my social media black out to share that I'm blogging more regularly again. If you wish to get the Musings in the form of The Whisper newsletter and be the first to read what i'm writing, then sign up on the website.

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02/01/2022

So I had a lot of time to think during those 3 weeks in hospital. And every time I tried to get focussed on what to focus on for the coming year I just felt so weary.

So I’ve decided to take all the pressure off and do nothing but try to stay alive each day. Not merely stay alive but LIVE.

It seems pertinent that my journal went missing when I changed ward. 6 months of thoughts, feelings, recording my illness gone (a long with a pencil case of beautiful pens 🥺)
Gone.

I’m stepping back from social media for 3 months to just try and BE. My scrolling habit has got to be the worst numbing behaviour I have and I realise I can’t keep up with all the ‘living my best life’ bu****it. Also has anyone else noticed the relentless sell, sell, sell off the platforms (this is not a criticism of small businesses who really depend on the connections made.)

This is going to be a hard habit to break but a necessary one.

I intend to write more long form on my blog and my newsletter so if you’d like to sign up for The Whisper to keep up to date with where I’m at, I’ll be there.

For now, adieu, see you in a while.
Melanie x

01/01/2022

It would have been my mum’s 74th birthday. New Years is tinged with sadness since passed away in 2007. I wish she was here to hold my hand through this journey but I’m deriving strength from her story and her spirit.

Tricia Pullen 01.01.1948 - 23.05.2007

25/12/2021

Sadly I’m spending Christmas at the Ulster.Following a procedure yesterday it seems I’ve developed pancreatitis. Not fun!

Thankfully the kind nurses have agreed to let my whole family pop in and spend and hour with me. Can’t wait to kiss their faces!

Wherever you are I wish peace, joy and hope!

Merry Christmas ###

19/12/2021

Well this was not how I thought I’d be spending the lead up to Christmas.

I’ve been in hospital for a week now because I became jaundiced which is never a good sign when you’ve got mets on your liver.

Thankfully a scan showed that my lesions have reduced in size quite a bit so at least that means it’s not the cancer advancing and causing problems.

But we’re still not 100% what’s causing my liver markers to be so high so another type scan is needed which meant me being kept in over the weekend 😢

And the fact that today is Simons birthday made it doubly hard. But not to the world they all came up to the hospital to see me for half an hour. Soooo good to cuddle my babies.

Also had a surprise visit from the marvellous who flashed his Reverend card to get in to see me.

So I’m feeling filled up with love and gratitude for my family, my friends who have rallied for me again and for the staff here at the Ulster who are just the best.

11/12/2021

5 things about me

1. I don’t really miss fame but there is something cool about walking into a room and causing a ripple coz so many people know who you are

2. Life drawing is something I never thought would be something I could do but I love it. It’s life giving in so many ways.

3. I’m a theology geek and almost became a local preacher in the Methodist church.

4. I’m a crap housekeeper. I can’t seem to improve. My husband keeps hoping I’ll change. He’s a dum dum.

5. Cancer has been a gift rather than a curse. It’s part of me now and I want to have it propel me to make things better for others somehow, I do not know what that looks like yet but I trust God that She does and will let me know in Her own Good time

09/12/2021

catchup
Day I can’t remember: Favourite photo of 2021

Me and my hearts that live outside my body. They are amazing and funny and annoying and resilient and hilarious and wonderful and kind and belligerent and I love them.

09/12/2021

Catch up

Day 7: Leaves

Throw back to my lovely retreat in Donegal with and her Assembly community. We walked amoung trees and there is something so soothing about hearing nothing but the wind rustling the leaves and the footsteps of women on a pilgrimage to their truest most beautiful selves.

09/12/2021

We’re gonna need a bigger pill box!

My third round of Capecitabine, the anti cancer chemo pill, starts today. In total I’ll be taking 15 pills a day including my anti depressants and anti sickness meds, calcium supplements and vitamin b.

The side effects include peeling skin on the hands and soles of the feet. So far it’s just my thumb that is affected. And I’m so grateful to for directing me to who are donating 40 pots of soothing creams to people with cancer.

Honestly things like this mean such a lot. Thank you!