Naas News Now

Naas News Now Latest and breaking fake news from Naas and Ireland � “The most trusted outside of the Pale”

LONGFORD GAA has revealed their new 2023 season sponsor. In a Statement by the county board, they said “we’re delighted ...
06/08/2022

LONGFORD GAA has revealed their new 2023 season sponsor. In a Statement by the county board, they said “we’re delighted to announce our new sponsor, Escobar Industries.“

Mr. Escobar, founder of the company wasn’t around for a statement.

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QUEEN ELIZABETH has agreed with an Australian Senator in saying she’s a coloniser. In a statement from Buckingham Palace...
02/08/2022

QUEEN ELIZABETH has agreed with an Australian Senator in saying she’s a coloniser.

In a statement from Buckingham Palace, the Queen, 96, was quoted saying, "I am a coloniser and I'll colonise you again if you don't bu**er off"

Irish President Michael D Higgins agreed with the senator saying “good point well made” while saying his wife doesn’t have an opinion.

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PRINCE CHARLES was absolutely shocked to wake up and find £1 million in his bank account. After a night in the town and ...
31/07/2022

PRINCE CHARLES was absolutely shocked to wake up and find £1 million in his bank account.

After a night in the town and after spending half of his inheritance and tax money, the future king was overjoyed after seeing £1m magically in his account.

Who sent the money is a mystery.

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Local News: 90% of residents cannot tell the difference between Lidl and Aldi on Newbridge Road. In a recent study by so...
31/07/2022

Local News: 90% of residents cannot tell the difference between Lidl and Aldi on Newbridge Road.

In a recent study by someone, people are finding it hard to tell the difference between the two stores.

The public confuse Lidl to be beside Chadwick and Aldi to be beside B&Q. However, after a 2 second Google search, NNN can reveal that Lidl IS in fact beside B&Q and people should google more.

NNN still doesn’t know whether the store beside The Big Tesco is Lidl or Aldi.

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CSO releases NEW information about Naas that will blow your mind. This information is brand new and you've never seen th...
28/07/2022

CSO releases NEW information about Naas that will blow your mind. This information is brand new and you've never seen the likings of it before.

Keep reading to find out more about this fascinating fact.

The CSO has spent years vigorously studying the information in question and has JUST RELEASED this one simple fact.

We reached out to members of the community, who when told about THIS AMAZING FACT, dropped their jaw in awe with such force that they required medical attention. Paramedic, John, says that the patient is in a stable condition, and recovering from the BRAND NEW INFORMATION.

Tune in next week to learn more about how this information will affect our lives.

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NNN INVESTIGATES: Is Blessington apart of Wicklow or Kildare?It’s the age old question, where is Blessington? The town i...
27/07/2022

NNN INVESTIGATES: Is Blessington apart of Wicklow or Kildare?

It’s the age old question, where is Blessington? The town is located beside the appropriately named “Blessington Lakes” and has a Dunnes. However, no one actually knows where it is.

Being served by Dublin Bus, on the Wicklow Border and being deemed partially in Kildare, this town is somewhat frustrating to local residents.

The locals are fed up and some told NNN “We should have border checks at this point. I don’t know whether I’m in one county or three!”

NNN has come to the conclusion that Blessington is in fact in Kildare and anyone who says otherwise is grossly incorrect and is lying to themselves.

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GUIDE: As temperatures are set to soar, this is NNN’s guide to keeping cool as ever.1) Swans Ice Cream is scientifically...
17/07/2022

GUIDE: As temperatures are set to soar, this is NNN’s guide to keeping cool as ever.

1) Swans Ice Cream is scientifically proven to make you feel 100% cool. The ancient recipe, that is rumoured to be made back when the shopping centre still had hope, is also one of the wonders of the world. It’s also delicious so why not.

2) A dip in the nal is very popular with local youths. It’s something got to do with the filthy swan riddled water that’s sooooooo cooling for people.

3) Canned water. Idk Naas is probably the only place for this.

We could’ve listed more but it’s every man for themselves at this stage.

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BREAKING: Local youths in Naas and surrounding areas left in confusion as they don’t know anyone playing at the Forever ...
17/07/2022

BREAKING: Local youths in Naas and surrounding areas left in confusion as they don’t know anyone playing at the Forever Young Festival.

LOCAL NEWS: “Should’ve been us”. Local aul fella gives out about the GAA saying it’s a shambles. Says Kildare is the bet...
11/07/2022

LOCAL NEWS: “Should’ve been us”. Local aul fella gives out about the GAA saying it’s a shambles. Says Kildare is the better team and should’ve played Kerry yesterday.

As Seamus O’Connor sat in the Town House yesterday enjoying a pint watching the match, witnesses saw Mr. O’Connor giving out about the state of the GAA and Kildare GAA.

Having never played GAA before in his life, Mr. O’Connor watches the big matches during the summer and when he wants to show off to the lads.

Witnesses say that Mr. O’Connor was yelling abuse at the telly and was regularly yelling “HON KERRY!”

Mr. O’Connor was hoping for a Kerry win however, mainly due to the fact Dublin bet Kildare in the Leinster final.

Mr. O’Connor has filed a complaint with the GAA over the lack of bias towards Kildare.

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LOCAL NEWS: “I was there for a sec” was the phrase used by local Jordan O’Reilly when he received a parking ticket for €...
10/07/2022

LOCAL NEWS: “I was there for a sec” was the phrase used by local Jordan O’Reilly when he received a parking ticket for €1,000.

Mr. O’Reilly, resident of Sundays Well parked outside the Bank of Ireland in a disabled spot for 1 hour on the Main Street of Naas while he enjoyed an Eddies.

After receiving the fine, Mr. O’Reilly went straight to Facebook to post his displeasure. “How is a man supposed to enjoy a succulent meal!” he exclaimed.

One social media user replied “joke of a country! How dare they.” Others showed their sympathy by sending “PM me hun x.”

Mr. O’Reilly has filed a complaint with the relevant bodies and awaits a decision.

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EXCLUSIVE : Study shows Naas men do not have enough options for haircuts in town centre An exclusive NNN study has shown...
10/07/2022

EXCLUSIVE : Study shows Naas men do not have enough options for haircuts in town centre

An exclusive NNN study has shown the lack of options within the town for males to receive a haircut. 62% of the male population feeling ‘heartbroken, destroyed and very upset’ with their current haircut from Naas Town.

After interviewing locals, one man has stated ‘Naas is a disgrace in terms of cuts, not enough choice for too high a price’. The out raged local told NNN that he , travels to Ballymore Eustace to receive his favourite trim.

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"For a town of it's size, it is completely unsustainable to have only 40 places to purchase coffee,” Recent Study shows ...
10/07/2022

"For a town of it's size, it is completely unsustainable to have only 40 places to purchase coffee,”

Recent Study shows that Naas doesn't have enough coffee shops.

A study published by Enterprise Ireland has highlighted the lack of coffee shops in Naas.
A spokesperson for Enterprise Ireland said. "Action must be taken to ensure that every member of the community has 24-hour access to coffee and assorted pastries."

There is currently 1 coffee machine per 625 citizens of Naas. Officials say this number is dangerously low and needs to be increased immediately in order to prevent catostophic damage to the town.

In other news:
Man 'upset' after being charged €10 for a chicken roll.

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