17/07/2026
Hello everyone, I am a 29-year-old woman. My confession is: Main maa nahi banna chahti. Simple sa sentence hai, par mere ghar mein yeh bolna sabse bada paap jaisa hai. Roz subah jab mummy chai banate hue kehti hain, “Shaadi ke baad sab apne aap theek ho jaata
hai”, main sirf muskura deti hoon. Jab relatives poochte hain, “Ab toh 29 ho gayi ho, bachche ka kya socha?”, main keh deti hoon, “Haan haan, future mein.” Future—ek aisa word jo maine sirf shanti banaye rakhne ke liye invent kiya hai. Sach yeh hai ki mujhe bachchon se nafrat nahi hai. Main unhe pyaar karti hoon, unke saath khel bhi leti hoon, par khud unki maa banne ka khayal mujhe suffocate karta hai. Mujhe apni zindagi ka control chahiye. Apni neend, apni body, apni pehchaan. Mujhe dar lagta hai ki maa bante hi main sirf “kisi ki maa” ban kar reh jaungi, aur meri baaki pehlu dheere-dheere gayab ho jaayenge. Par yeh baat ghar walon ko kaise samjhaun? Unke liye motherhood natural hai, mandatory hai,
aur meri zimmedari bhi. Woh kehte hain, “Abhi aisa lagta hai, baad mein sab badal jaata hai.” Jaise meri feelings koi temporary fever ho jo time ke saath utar jaayega. Main jhooth bolti hoon. Roz. Kabhi kehti hoon career pe focus hai, kabhi kehti hoon timing sahi
nahi hai. Kabhi chup reh jaati hoon. Kabhi baat hi badal deti hoon. Sirf isliye kyunki mujhe ghar ka mahaul bigaadna nahi hai. Mujhe roz-roz ke taane, emotional blackmail aur “log kya kahenge” se bachna hai. Kabhi-kabhi guilt hota hai. Lagta hai jaise main kisi ko dhokha de rahi hoon. Par phir sochti hoon—kya apni sacchai chhupana bhi itna bada gunaah hai jab duniya meri sacchai sunne ke liye tayyar hi nahi? Mujhe nahi pata aage kya hoga. Shayad kabhi himmat aa jaaye sach bolne ki. Or maybe not. Par abhi ke liye, main sirf itna jaanti hoon ki main maa nahi banna chahti—aur main
har din is sach ko chupakar apni shanti khareed rahi hoon.