20/10/2017
respect women
YA-YA
I was all of 13 when I learned unwarned that I can merely be an object for some people. A warm-blooded object if you like. A man walked into the house to ask for alms for a neighborhood Gurudwara. While my aunt went inside to fetch her contribution to the good work he was to embark upon, he soundlessly educated me that elderlies are not always respectable. He didn’t meet his eyes with me but of course, objects don’t have eyes so how could he!
Little did I know then that things will not end at that. As I grew up I was educated about my actuality on the wide posh streets of Delhi every so often. And most of the times in broad daylight. On various streets, inside moving buses, and not always the packed ones, right outside a client’s office minutes before a meeting and so on. I was shown that as much as I am an object for these boys, they also think it’s their prerogative. It’s natural fun for young men to amuse themselves with. Catcall at a girl in free time. Or feel her up in a bus or a fair to feel alive. Or surround her with macho bikes threatening her by their presence lest she resents. It’s just harmless fun and quite meaningless if you ask them. Ask them which girl and where, they would say – no recollection. Remember they don’t meet the eyes with objects!
This global campaign may not be conclusive. Also, it is not to suggest that most men are tormentors of women. Some men have shown up and spoken up with the honesty and courage to die for. But overall the voice from this campaign is successfully suggesting the magnitude of this issue, globally. It may also corroborate certain behaviors women exhibit in their day to day lives. These episodes may or may not be as grave as a molestation in theory but they certainly end up scarring a girl’s psyche forever. She not only loses her faith in menfolk at large but also becomes a lesser person in so many different ways.
It is certainly something men do to women, there is no denying that. As women and as parents we could demand an action. We could ask for organizations or ministries or law enforcement. But let’s first answer a looming question - Who raises a society? Who raises such boys to become such men? Look closer and the answer would be ‘us’ - mothers and fathers. Of course, the response would be – who on earth would tell their sons to be such wretched beings? You are right. No sane person does. But in a society where a modern-metro-woman is heard telling her girl-friend, “in my second pregnancy I so wanted a girl” clearly testifies that our women feel qualified to hope for a girl child only after birthing a boy first. It’s no Freudianism that children ape adults. Last I checked a statement like that would indicate to a boy that he is born entitled. And to a girl that she can only be the second best.
A lot needs to change amongst women too before we begin to blame the boys. If we as women reject and demean girls, we shouldn’t and can’t expect our daughters to be treated with grace. Or shall we say Ya-ya not a
