04/09/2026
Since the start of September, I can’t stop thinking of September last year. The last scan, the C section, the fresh outta postpartum phase, figuring out breastfeeding and trying to accept everything. I used to think that I was super prepared for postpartum until it hit me. I was trying to make sense of how some women are happy and effortless during postpartum. How do they bounce back like nothing happened? Here I was, looking like a slump. I fell into a hopeless pit of sadness every day after sunset. It was terrifying. Only later did I know it was called “sundown scaries.” I used to text Navin, “When will this get better?”
Sleep deprivation was killing me. At that moment, I was triple feeding. Breastfeeding + pumping + bottle feeding. It was crazy. First 45 days, there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t cry after sunset.
AND YET, since September began, I have been looking at my baby as a newborn and all I wish is to spend one whole day again with him as a newborn. The newborn cuddles, the fragrance, the scrunch, the gassy smile, contact naps and everything. I lived those too, but I want to live them again as a happy mother, not as a healing mother.
Such a funny thing that it went from “When will this get better?” to now, “How did the time pass by so soon? Slow down.”
This year has been the most memorable and beautiful year of my life. The way I felt when I heard that first cry and felt him on my chest is something that I’ll never feel ever in my life, be it any highs and lows I go through. 15.09.2025🧿🩵
It’s crazy how soon the time flew by. ❤️
